The Social Network Diet

Kings Lynn one sunny Sunday.

**


My family and friends have asked why I haven't been visible much on facebook and instagram.  I was surprised myself because it wasn't a planned one.

It all started when I was in Cambridge a few weeks ago to do some systems training (the workplace has changed our software interface and added new features, thus all members of staff had to be on the training on a staggered basis. I did mine on the third week of August).

Cambridge is a good hour (and about 10 minutes depending on traffic) to drive to. Add another 2 hours driving back (peak hour traffic). The whole day was sucked up by the training and travelling.

On the third day of training, we moved to a different hospital which was so remote, there was no internet access.

By the fourth day, it was so liberating that you do not need your cellphone to keep updating yourself of what everyone is doing. Seriously, it killed my "nosy" side.

At the end of each day, I was exhausted from training and driving, all I could muster was the tagged pop up info on my page, and private messages. If you are like me, who like to start things from the very beginning and not start in the middle of your newsfeed, i kept telling myself that i shall update myself form the start of where i left off. (well, never happened. )


A few days after the training, i was starting to find I had more time to chat to people on the phone, and join in on after-work activities. I was finding I was able to cook fancier meals than i normally would. It made me realise how much time i spend on my social networks. And i tend to kill an hour each day just going through my feed each day.

I was hoping that at the end of the second week I will be able to go back to the gym, but that didn't happen (haha!).

My family tend to tag me on their posts, so its easy to go to their posts. So during these past few weeks, I have been a neglectful social networker.

This eventually lead to what I call the Social Network Diet, because I totally am not able to detach myself from social networking when most of my family are abroad. Diet, because I am trying to recoup my time back from sitting on the couch and try limit sniffling my curious nose on everyone's business.

It is liberating to know I could actually live without a mobile phone/facebook/instagram for an entire 12-16 hours. ( Since I moved to working in the community, I have had the blessing of being able to use my phone at a whim except when faced-to-face with a patient) which really indulged this bad habit.

By the end of the first week of not being as active, I felt "bleacch" to update. I felt nothing was going on in my life that interesting to share. I also felt that my mother and siblings are updated about me, and my girlfriends and I were still sharing on Whatsapp during all this time (we were trying to help an emotional friend), thus nothing crucial to share. I also suddenly had a weird over-the-top self awareness episode when i started realising what was happening. I felt, "oh shit, what was I thinking sharing those things online?". "Eww, how immature of me to write that". "Did i really need to post that photo?".  Everytime i wanted to put a photo on instagram, i had these weird thoughts stopping me. Eveyrtime i had the urge to post a facebook status, i had these thoughts screaming inside me. Weird.

On our last skype session, mama said she is happy to see me online, eventhough what i post are irrelevant weird nonsense, she feels happy that she could see I am alright (or not alright, but still alive,lol), it made me think, i need to get back into the action.

Its amazing what we get to learn as habits. It is so easy to be addicted to be online, and interesting enough, it may not be as easy, but it is not that hard to get off the internet if we really want to, or like me, unconciously detached from the internet due to work.

When one does this diet, you suddenly realise who are those that you miss most. (Its harder not to check on them when you are offline-- your family, and some special ones who are in some ways have been really kind and wonderful to little poor you). Those people, dear self, you keep close.  They are your gold nuggets.

**

Side note: I started reading blogs again, and fell in love with my old favourite bloggers and discovered new ones.

I am gifting myself more time here in my personal space. It doesn't matter if I have only two other people reading this space. Thats two more than me, LOL.x

Mika

..our lovely Mika, Dom, or Dominique is turning 5 this year. 

this talkative niece of mine is a bright little girl and has a really kind generous heart. (whatever she has, she always shares it and gives it to anyone who aks for it).

i am so thankful to have spent time with her this year, and i just fell in love with her even more.

she can carry a tune,too. oh, my heart. she definitely captured it.

a photo of her doing her favourite activity: swimming! 

i miss her. i cant wait to spend time with her again.

sometimes...

..all i want to do is lazily lounge and enjoy lolling about in the park.

if you are able to, enjoy it for me. 

the weather last week was park weather, but this week, it started to get mild wintery again.
i am not complaining. this feeling of cool mild wind is something i actually love (as long as it doesn't get to freezing temperatures!). plus, my job allows me to enjoy being outdoors and indoors whenever i like, so, in a weather like this,its an added bonus.

this photo was taken last spring-summer (2013) when we enjoyed the Holkham Hall parkland. (note to self: blog about the hall,and the photos)

it was a lovely day and i learned a lot that day regarding some royal lineage living in Norfolk. but thats another blog altogether.

see you on the next entry.

selfie

this photo was taken on my birthday last year.
nothing special except it was a celebration spent with my most favourite companion.

we stayed at a great hotel and what was even nicer was that we were give an upgrade (juniour suite!).
what was running through my head at that time was "let me take a photo of me, from this beautiful enormous bathroom".
this blog entry has no sense. i just wanted to break the blog drought.


**

the weekend that past was just perfect. we watched the Gabrielle concert (free invites!), and enjoyed it with our friends.

**
today, i received such sad news and disturbing news.
and on top of that, everything just went wrong with my day.

**

oh well, tomorrow is another day to conquer.
i hope i am armed enough to brave it.


**

i bless your evening/day, you, who drop by my small spot in space.

love,

R
x

getting in the mood...

..for blogging.

Oh dear! my brain has turned to mush since i have not written for a long time. not that i am claiming to be a spectacular writer/ storyteller (dear gertrude,no!), but as the age old saying that goes, "if you dont use it, you lose it", i do believe that the more you write, the more the 'language' centre of your brain gets developed. thus,whatever little skill i had in writing along as i think, is now totally kaput.

the most practice i have with writing (daily, from monday thru friday and sometimes the occasional weekend on-call work) are SOAP notes. SOAP notes are our clinical notes/report we have to write after every patient/ clinical treatment. [To give a more specific example:  S- for subjective ( " Seen patient for upper limb rehab. Patient consented to therapy..") O- Objective ( "Patient was assessed using thera-putty and upper limb sensory work, using texture for sensory integration..so on and so forth"). A- for assessment (Patient still has minimal sensation on right upper limb on dorsolateral part of her arm...etc etc.") P-for plan (OT to continue sensory integration using textures and upper limb domestic tasks..etc etc)]. Documentation which requires strict guidelines and the use of clinical terminology that disables interpretation, as each report are stored and logged in a national database (for patient's records) and which are liable to legal scrutiny. Hence, my brain's creative lingual part is so underused that i am craving to write and stretch that part of my brain.

the last few exchanges with Aileen and Ate Lou over at facebook, made me miss multiply, our old hangout where we write stories of our days/lives and anything that we deem worthy journalling and sharing to like-minded people. there, friendships grew, talents shared, skills developed. it was an amazing part of my growth over the years, being away from my immediate family. i found friends and allies over the internet. but because multiply is no longer, and together with some coaxing from Aileen (one of my idol bloggers) and Ate Lou (who also is another admired person and blogger) for me to blog more, my soul just wanted to jump out of where i was that time (in the living room, on my phone, with the telly on), and start pounding on my Mac keyboards.

alas, i could never concentrate and hear myself think when the tv is on. i also do not like the lights on in the front room for that matter. it made me tired and uninspired. i promised myself, i need to find enough energy to be awake and set myself up to pour my thoughts onto a blog, thus, last night didn't happen. i was tired from too much moving and handling paralytic patients. tonight, i made sure, we ate dinner early enough so i could fight my jetlag without the heavy interference of food weighing on my stomach. i begged Adrian to turn off the tv and go to bed and read from his tab. he did, bless him.

now,i have this room to myself. and i write...about how i got here.

i suppose the point is: when i am not sad, or emotionally crippled, or undergoing some turmoil, i feel whatever i think of writing will always be nonsense, or basic, or irrelevant, or all of the three. when one is melancholic, the distress of whatever drama one is in is enough to yank open the door of my "writing geni", and the emotional baggage will act as doorstop to its hinges.

so when i am happy, satisfied, no dramas, no turmoil: my trick would be is to have the distractions of whatever it is around me minimised, and hidden. i need to hear myself think. to coax the story out of my psyche and buoy it with feelings.

to listen to my chest beat the crap out of my words.

blechhhh!

*

shakespeare's workplace

hello, stranger.

lately, i have been drawing inspiration from others. from the most profilic of bloggers amongst my friends and some popular ones who do not know me from adam.

but nothing has kicked me to get off my bottom to write and update this neglected space. because everytime i draw inspiration, i erase back what i have written because it did not feel right. 

i read my blog, and heard myself again. somehow, i was inspired to write again. (albeit a short one like this)

maybe, i have not listened to my own thoughts for so long that i have forgotten how i sound like anymore. and when i recognized myself from my blogs, and laughed at my own mistakes, and my unperfect grammar, and chaotic writing, i relished the person that i recognised. i actually miss her.

im glad to be able to inspire me this time.

here's to trying to live in here again.

i ate a lot of humble pie...and got sick

i ate a lot of humble pie the last few days for a booboo that i did (work related).

sometimes, my brand of stupidity amazes me. i cannot believe that i can be known as this organized and be anal in one extreme, and be such a klutz at a totally important thing. (nope, not patient related, thank goodness, just some paperwork i have not ticked off the to-do list-- but quite an important one).

lesson learned. never rely important matters to people especially reminders. at the end of the day, they wash their hands of their responsibility while, i, mrs. honest-at-everything-im-so-square, ends up the poster girl for being the lesson to learn from.



**

i have been really hard on myself.  a lot of people have told me that i whip myself endless for something really trivial and could happen to anyone and has happened before numerous times, and may happen again to other people.

i tell them, yes, but its them. not me. 'work' is something i take pride in, and i take great amounts of concentration and passion on. having to learn that i, too,  could do something annoying like this, disappoints me no end.

i have yet to 'talk' and befriend myself once again.



**

also, i reflect on my errors. unlike maybe some other people, who do not reflect as much, may end up doing it again. i, for a fact, tend to learn quite hard. even to the detriment of myself.


**

therefore, i am human, after all. no matter the accolade, the compliments, the plaudits i accomplish at work, i still get "earth-to-chelo" moments like this.

but i hope this will be the last.


**

the good news is: i still have a job, and bosses and colleagues who now joke endless about me being as dysfunctional as they are, and that they are welcoming me open arms.

there is a positive to this, after all.


**

bring on, next month, please!


NOTE: and because i was so distracted on this annoyance.. i was chopping carrots furiously the other night, i almost included my finger in the curry. i sliced a top off my left index finger. i tell you, this little bugger of a wound is nothing but a mere millimetre or so, but it hurts like a freck. The nail is sliced on the middle (that cheap knife was amazing! its so sharp!) and today, when i accidentally hit the finger on the dashboard (as you do, forgetting that you have a sore finger), it clicked the nail and dug into the wound and i cant unclick the nail back (i have short nails), so basically, it's dug and lodged itself into the already sore wound. i tell you, when it rains where i am, it doesnt only flood, it gets me effin tsunami. 

well, i hope whoever you are, friend or family or curious bypasser reading this, keep the smile, because you dont have my troubles.. and yes, i am smiling too, despite. because i have a family that loves me (booboos and all), and a whole bunch of friends who genuinely care.

the greatest misfortune

...is not having the hope.

the greatest fortune is finding you have someone who hopes the best for you, truly and honestly.


a good friend once advised me: "get rid of the suckers of your life. people who only are with you when they need your help, your advice, their audience."

better be alone than be in that company.

thus, i am thankful for those who are truly there when it really matters.

i am so thankful to three people in my life:

-Adrian

-Mama

-Kharla

these three have been my constant and are there even when they are suffering from their own little battles but are always willing and ready to give me back their time, their ears, their heart.

these three deserve the best in their life.

i pray for them constantly.


**

I thank the Lord for them.

happy birthday baby sister

"you will always be my baby..."

*inside joke between Ana, mama and i.* When she (ana) was young, i always was her baby sitter, and PTA attender. by the time i started working, i used to take her everywhere i go, whether i was shopping, in the spa, in the gym and even on my dates (to my then boyfriend's amusement).
she was my pretend baby/child. i took her to see her first cinema (Lion King), her first disco, her first drinking spree and cigarette puff (i was a cool "ate",lol).
so when she was about 11 or 12 years old, my mom and i played a prank on her. we sat her down for a serious talk and told her in my dramatic voice that in reality,she was my daughter and had my mom pretend she was hers because i was too young for a scandal. Ana didnt know how to react whether she wanted to be happy or to be sad, she looked at my mom for comfort but my mom nodded in agreement to my faux revelation..but then we couldn't stop laughing, and i'm sure Ana heaved a sigh of relief when she realized it was one (ugly) prank we gave her.


on mother's day this year, she sent me a message online to say " happy mothers' day Ate..love, your pretend daughter".. this made me laugh out loud.

This entry is to say how much she is treasured and adored by everyone in our family.

More than anything, she is a gift to my life...in fact, to my entire family's life. Needless to say, Ana, Angkai, Tita Nana, -- is loved by her ate's, kuya's , cousins , mama and im sure, papa in heaven is missing her too.

***

***

I was so happy that we had the opportunity to skype tonight (which is her birthday already as its already the 24th in cebu). Adrian and i sang "happy birthday" to her while she was at work.

Grateful for technology-- which makes distance seem a lot bearable.


and grateful for this space where my heart can load off some of the giddiness it could not handle.

have an awesome day, loves. 

blessings

i started to open this blog, a minute just before i was heading for bed.

the angel took the words out of me, and i am left with nothing to say.

so let me greet you with these flowers instead.

i hope your coming days/weeks are as exciting, if not, much more wonderful and exhilirating than mine.

***

on Friday, the 24th, is my sister Ana's birthday. i miss celebrating her birthday with her. one day, someday.

on Saturday, i am photographing a wedding for a couple who decided to tie the knot after x number of years of being together and having had children together.

on Sunday, I am meeting my mama at the airport...and the rest of the weeks/months will just be catching up with her and hopefully be able to pamper her more.

***

have a lovely night/morning/day to you. 

xxx

Jotting my happies

Norwhich city ;-)

Things/events/people that made me happy the last few days:

- yesterdays jap lunch ( we overindulged as usual). sashimi octopus is yum!

-my niece today on skype saying "hi tita chelo, four na baya ko. good night and bye!" while she hastily interrupted my skype conversation with mama.

-Norwhich..shopping!

-my niece enrolled in kindergarten.

-(on skype) my niece, prepped by my sister about the impending bullies in school, her tita Ana said "what will you say when kids at school will call you "ahh you're fat!""..

Dominique flipped her hair and said "no, i'm gwapa and sexy". (Hahaha!)

Tita Ana: "but what will you do after"?

"be nice to them and still say "hello, and good morning!", Dominique said.

(well taught by the tita who went through the same thing in school like myself ,lol).

-make-up haul!

-Adrian indulging me.

-friends who leave messages despite their busy schedules and their troubles at home, just to check if im ok.

-tea and scones in my little cottage.

-Lydia and her family.

-seeing my old colleagues in facebook, who after all these years, never forget.

-Ana blogging.. because when i read her, i feel she's just near. (thank you Ana, i know you do it for me)

-Ana's lovely news about her creative endeavours.

-friends who are nice to my family. you know who you are. (what you do for my family, you do for me 100x).

-friends and family who are indulging in their passions. i see them travel, do well at work, finish long personal projects and still never forget to connect. i love that. thank you.

-Ruby back at the house.

-my brothers happy with their married lives. they are such loyal, loving men to their wives, i'm proud of them.

-my job. oh how i love it.  and because i know i'm very good at what i do. it just is my sanity saver from being too homesick.

-Adrian's family. they are lovely and such awesome loving people.

-mama. and she will be here a week from today. (yayyy!)


***

please list down things that made you happy the last few days. let's share notes.

grateful for these blessings.

when you miss when you shouldn't

let me first start this entry by appreciating the beauty of the weekend that we just had. beautiful weather,  lovely experiences with some awesome friends who came by to spend the weekend at our tiny home.

truly a beautiful weekend that was.

monday was a bank holiday, thus tuesday started as the first day of work. work is not really work when the company sends you to a three day training, and finishes early enough to come home to sunshine and finding your husband getting you a nice snack as a homecoming present and lets you 'nap' in the sofa, because he knows how sleep is a problem for you.

i felt really emotional all of a sudden, because of the beautiful weather, and the wonderfulness of the people you deal with day-to-day. i missed cebu, because our trainor was talking about how he lived in cebu for a a few months to dive. i was proud, of course, of my beautiful island.

then the drive back to home was passing by beautiful fields of flowers and hills and oh, just indescribably beautiful. i just miss the people i love, because i wish so much i could share this with them. (soon, soon).

then i realised, it must be the time of the month where my hormones turn me into a mush of dramatic emotions. i become such an emotional sop whenever i am hormonal. i crave for foods which could lead me to an early death, and i am missing my family more than i normally do, and i am missing some few people i shouldn't miss.

still, i am happy, i get through these emotions. otherwise, i'd be back to my 'focused, goal-orientated, robot-like-devoid-of-human-emotion' person i sometimes see myself to be. (ok, exaggeration on the robot-like, haha, but i can be very too focused on certain goals that i blank out all other feelings that could distract me.)

well,well, i am human after all.

**

thank you to you my lovely friends who still visit this blog, even though the cobwebs are evident and that the owner has been very neglectful to write down things.

lately, i have been very unmotivated to write things down but then my sister Ana has inspired me to write again. she told me in her email that she was writing again for me, to make me happy and to inspire me. how awesome is that from your much missed sister? *dabbing away tears* (and thank you to friends who support my sister in your own ways, whatever you do for her, you do for me 100x).

***

how are you,lately? 

a tale of two cities

Adrian celebrated his birthday in Manchester City and London over the weekend (from Friday the 25th  plus Monday and Tuesday).

It was a meaningful celebration as his son was just recovering from a recent accident. It was about family and close friends.

Although i did not take pictures of the city (we have been to Manchester many times before, and took many photos then), both Manchester and London are ties Adrian and i could not break away from. 

He has and all of his families are there. And our closest friends in the country live in London.

Just like my umbilical cord is tied to Cebu forever.

some pictures over the weekend of the beautiful places we have been to. 

the Trafford centre in Manchester is one of England's biggest shopping malls.

on a weekend, you are more likely to bump into a footballer's wife or girlfriend

or a reality tv star in this massive shopping complex.

We went there for lunch, and for me to buy some toiletries which i forgot to bring with me (i know!).

I never ever forget toiletries, but the bag, which holds all my toiletries, my hairdryer, and all bits and bobs for self-preservation (from moisturiser, to eye make-up remover) was still left in the frontroom when Adrian was loading the car. 

So it was his fault basically. My fault too, because i didn't check if he loaded the car with all the bags i needed to take. moral lesson: whenever he says, "all bags are in the car, always check,lol".

On Monday, Adrian's real birthday (28th), 

we went to London to renew my passport and to have lunch and tea in the city.

This is what greets you when you get off Tower Hill station. 

Another addition to the skyline is the very tall The Shard (that pointy glass building).

Im tempted to show old photos from before where that building wasn't in view at all. 

Maybe some other time.

Around lunch time, Adrian and i had to dash to a quick lunch, as i was given an hour out of the embassy for lunch and come back for the biometrics.

So we decided to go somewhere quick (Yo Sushi to the rescue!). 

So much for romantic birthday lunches. 

We made it up by having tea at the charming cafe in The National Gallery. 

And browsed their bakeshop,too. And bought some nice stuff from the gallery shop,too. (LOL)

After the tea, we headed back home to meet our friends. 

We had reservations to eat at a local steak restaurant, 

but our friend C was still recovering from jetlag from her recent holiday in Thailand, 

and she also was feeling fluey.

We ended up getting chinese takeaway and ate in their house. 

It was unexpected, spontaneous and just felt right.

Most of all, Adrian was happy.

**

I will post some pics from Adrian's birthday on the next blog. 

caged..but in a happy way

(photo: a caged dancer in Taste of London Festival)

the weather is playing funny beans at the moment.

on wednesday, it gave us a taster of what spring is like, and although winter is so beautiful to the eyes, its a pain when you have to get up early in the morning to go to work and go visit patient's houses as a job.

(side note: although i go out and about for my job, and yes, it is a pain to be out in the cold, but because we live in the beautiful part of Norfolk, i get to visit the most beautiful cottages. houses and even manors that have amazing old ancient fireplaces. makes you pinch yourself if indeed you are in sleep and dreaming like a part of english books).

last night, just as adrian and i thought of having a picnic (and call friends) for a little picnic at the Sandringham grounds, the news dropped a bomber and forwarned us with snow showers. we thought, maybe it may not happen.

this morning, i woke up to frost in the garden again. it wasn't sad, but it's just the beautiful european weather telling us to wait for spring to finally stay and announce its arrival in full force.

for now, im cooped up in the house, in my dressing gown still. but happy that there is an unlimited supply of filtered ground coffee, cream tea and hot choco with mallows (my choice!) to run to when i have the chills.

for now, i'll enjoy this excuse to be indoors. read books that have been loaned to me from last week, catch up on emails, skype bestfriends..better yet, read blogs--and blog! 

keep warm, loves.

today, snow arrived.

... and boy, is it beautiful.

i wish i could capture the magic of snow's beauty on our village this weekend.

i pray it would still be snowing (safely) til the weekend so i could take photographs (if i wake up early enough,that is) .

***

Sunday Morning, awaiting... snow?

It's the second Sunday of the month, and news are circulating about impending big snow in the country.

When i do not doubt the veracity of the weather news, i am also thanking the heavens that we are experiencing a mild ( and even sunny!) weekend. I am sure the rest of the country is having snow at the moment while I am having a nice warm weekend (well, warm in winter standards).

Adrian and i tend not to plan anything for snowy or really cold weather because of the traffic and possible disruptions on the road. Hence, this weekend was supposed to be an indoor weekend. To top it all, it's supposedly a rest from a really emotional weekend we had just last week after his son had an accident (he is far from being critical now, thank you, God).

Quarter of Saturday was spent in my pyjamas and i was eventually persuaded by Adrian to go to the shops to buy food. The night was spent snuggling to watch and catch up on our box sets. (and watching DVDs from friends and family who gave us them as christmas presents).

Today, i sit here in the comfort of our tiny living room, second lot of washing done (i love the whirring sound of the washing machine, don't you?), while i sip my coffee. I wait 'til Adrian wakes up from his beauty sleep for me to start our brunch.

The rest of the afternoon has to wait and see. I'll let the weather decide for me.

from the condensation on the windows, you can tell how cold it is outside. 

while it's warm inside the house.

excuse the "sinampays" on the radiators (behind the couch). 

we resort to hanging our clothes on warm radiators as we cant hang them outside

and so it is christmas

..and it is very merry.

this christmas had so many flops and mishaps that enumerating them is now just defeating the purpose of this entry.

this christmas as i was working on the eve (trying to be good, so i am allowed a LOOONG leave next year..*please cross your fingers for me). (the only good thing was, work wasn't too hard on the eve. there were no emergency catastrophes, nor a mass stroke epidemic in the county, so we were allowed to leave an hour than normal home time, or they were. i guess, the more your responsibility is, the last you leave the ship, so i basically left just about quarter an hour than normal..LOL).

we had my stepson Mark with us for the christmas period and will be delivering him back to Essex on boxing day,where we are spending back London way where my brother-in-law's house is.

so on the 24th, Adrian picked me up from work, and we went home, had a drink in the pub. the boys stayed longer in the pub while i went home earlier than they did as i had to freshen up and cook some of the noche buena food.

we stayed up til 5 AM. watched DVDs and drank wine/choco drink and ate chcolates til we felt like bursting.

this christmas, i am thankful for so many things/events and people. (i will do a separate "thank you" post for the pressies that my lovely friends gave me because i cannot give it to them personally).

for now, some photos of the night we welcomed christmas..

noche buena for three. 

cheese platter, pigs in blanket, gammon, salad, crisps,

smoked salmon, twiglets, 

assortment party food: breaded prawns, prawn toast, dimsum, cold cuts, 

sausages and steamed prawns.

(and chocolates, and cakes)

christmas tree.

blessings and love to you all.. <3 nbsp="nbsp">

**

let me wish you beautful memories to build on for christmasses to come.

junction

i am at a junction, i said to myself (hands on my hair, almost pulling the remaining wisps on my crown ~~drama queen that i am).

everyday there are spanner thrown in the works. yesterday: it was a sad event, the other day~ a happy one, the day before that~ my mood, today~my health, blimey, the cycle goes on.

cryptic i may sound, but i think i just needed to say these mind puzzles aloud. it goes along the line of trial retirement and business plans in the beautiful island of cebu, but the scared and risk-averse person that i am, i keep bouncing off one plan to the next because in truth i am scared, like the wimp that i am.

personal history told me that i am not good without a plan B, a control of some sort for my neuroses.

i just have that need to know. but on the other hand,a  personal experience remind me that no matter what plans A,B,C or Z are in place, God sometimes surprises us with an alternative alphabet. an Omega or Gamma perhaps.

i cant give away the plans here, but dearest readers, all thousands of you (*sarcasm*) trust that it involves retirement and travelling. its a 2015 plan (you shout "geez,thats years far from now", i know!) but, plans like that revolve and involve decisions and manoeuvring years beforehand. that, or its the mrs. obssesive planner in me who's talking.

last night, the early hours decision was forego retirement, just concentrate on travelling instead of a business plan of shelling money and have the risk of not even be successful at it. see the world before Adrian becomes too mature (read: old ,hehe) from all the early and late airport travels but who am i kidding. I know myself, i am worst as an old bat plagued with mental anguish when i do not have work ritual to go to.

old habits die hard, so you cant blame someone who worked at the age of 17 years (helping the family financially), and suddenly decide to forego any semblance of work will be tragic for my mental wellbeing.

ergo, in conclusion, i am back to square one. not knowing which column of the excel spreadsheet we are following, and have not yet zeroed in on the bullseye.

there are reasons why plans are written in pencil. we're keeping the rubber handy.

{photo: Walsingham town. the Lourdes of England,where an apparition of theVirgin Mary were noted in history }

people

 

people. aren't we a funny lot? 

we are bizarre, a mindfield, a science experiment of a higher being (kinda).

personalities. what about them?

there are more than what meets the eye. i bet most of us have been judged one way or another based on what they hear from other sources or second-hand information, and sometimes the mood they are in when they see us. their prerogative definitely is of no consequence to us at all or we try not to, but when we think about it, it's definitely not fair.

you cannot really say much of a person until you have dealt with them personally and or have been a beneficiary (or victim) of who they are. i am quite lucky that i have been a beneficiary of kindness and positivity and support in my thirty-odd something years in life. and i have had a few misjudgement of character from one or two, but very rare, and gave me the once-bitten-twice-shy kind of result. you live. you learn. all good.

this blog entry is just to declare that i am just grateful for the awesome inspiring people you get to meet in this lifetime, may they be from work (colleagues/patients/clients), from life in general (virtual or physical) or others from universal conspiration.

my heart is touched by kindness. i am humbled and taught everyday by other people's "schamazeness".


postscript: awesome news from my family are just one of the many wonderful blessings i am having trouble keeping at the moment. they are concerning around: babies, engagement/elopement/or wedding (who knows?hehe), moving houses, travels, new jobs, awards.

who am i to grumble?

besides, being mopey is so 2010. happy is the new hipster.


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{photo: taken on my "Strangers" series of photographs as taught by Taylor Wessing Portrait awardee David Graham}

commitment

 

 "we accept the love we think we deserve "-- Stephen Chbosky/ The Perks of Being A Wallflower