junction

i am at a junction, i said to myself (hands on my hair, almost pulling the remaining wisps on my crown ~~drama queen that i am).

everyday there are spanner thrown in the works. yesterday: it was a sad event, the other day~ a happy one, the day before that~ my mood, today~my health, blimey, the cycle goes on.

cryptic i may sound, but i think i just needed to say these mind puzzles aloud. it goes along the line of trial retirement and business plans in the beautiful island of cebu, but the scared and risk-averse person that i am, i keep bouncing off one plan to the next because in truth i am scared, like the wimp that i am.

personal history told me that i am not good without a plan B, a control of some sort for my neuroses.

i just have that need to know. but on the other hand,a  personal experience remind me that no matter what plans A,B,C or Z are in place, God sometimes surprises us with an alternative alphabet. an Omega or Gamma perhaps.

i cant give away the plans here, but dearest readers, all thousands of you (*sarcasm*) trust that it involves retirement and travelling. its a 2015 plan (you shout "geez,thats years far from now", i know!) but, plans like that revolve and involve decisions and manoeuvring years beforehand. that, or its the mrs. obssesive planner in me who's talking.

last night, the early hours decision was forego retirement, just concentrate on travelling instead of a business plan of shelling money and have the risk of not even be successful at it. see the world before Adrian becomes too mature (read: old ,hehe) from all the early and late airport travels but who am i kidding. I know myself, i am worst as an old bat plagued with mental anguish when i do not have work ritual to go to.

old habits die hard, so you cant blame someone who worked at the age of 17 years (helping the family financially), and suddenly decide to forego any semblance of work will be tragic for my mental wellbeing.

ergo, in conclusion, i am back to square one. not knowing which column of the excel spreadsheet we are following, and have not yet zeroed in on the bullseye.

there are reasons why plans are written in pencil. we're keeping the rubber handy.

{photo: Walsingham town. the Lourdes of England,where an apparition of theVirgin Mary were noted in history }