junction

i am at a junction, i said to myself (hands on my hair, almost pulling the remaining wisps on my crown ~~drama queen that i am).

everyday there are spanner thrown in the works. yesterday: it was a sad event, the other day~ a happy one, the day before that~ my mood, today~my health, blimey, the cycle goes on.

cryptic i may sound, but i think i just needed to say these mind puzzles aloud. it goes along the line of trial retirement and business plans in the beautiful island of cebu, but the scared and risk-averse person that i am, i keep bouncing off one plan to the next because in truth i am scared, like the wimp that i am.

personal history told me that i am not good without a plan B, a control of some sort for my neuroses.

i just have that need to know. but on the other hand,a  personal experience remind me that no matter what plans A,B,C or Z are in place, God sometimes surprises us with an alternative alphabet. an Omega or Gamma perhaps.

i cant give away the plans here, but dearest readers, all thousands of you (*sarcasm*) trust that it involves retirement and travelling. its a 2015 plan (you shout "geez,thats years far from now", i know!) but, plans like that revolve and involve decisions and manoeuvring years beforehand. that, or its the mrs. obssesive planner in me who's talking.

last night, the early hours decision was forego retirement, just concentrate on travelling instead of a business plan of shelling money and have the risk of not even be successful at it. see the world before Adrian becomes too mature (read: old ,hehe) from all the early and late airport travels but who am i kidding. I know myself, i am worst as an old bat plagued with mental anguish when i do not have work ritual to go to.

old habits die hard, so you cant blame someone who worked at the age of 17 years (helping the family financially), and suddenly decide to forego any semblance of work will be tragic for my mental wellbeing.

ergo, in conclusion, i am back to square one. not knowing which column of the excel spreadsheet we are following, and have not yet zeroed in on the bullseye.

there are reasons why plans are written in pencil. we're keeping the rubber handy.

{photo: Walsingham town. the Lourdes of England,where an apparition of theVirgin Mary were noted in history }

the crossover

There was a time, many may moons ago, i was committed to be single forever, and be contented with life as a single, outgoing, financially independent career woman in-charge of her life, and to be with friends, male or female for my choosing to suit my carefree lifestyle.

Perhaps it was the heartache talking (from a traumatic betrayal), and the jadedness over how easily love and relationships need work and passion to be strongly built over time, yet broken overnight. Whatever it was, it was the focus. The conscious decision.

 I did not set out to meet Adrian. Sure, I was free, roaming the galleys of the dating world (virtual/physical), but i was not in the mood for a steady relationship. Romance,yes. Relationships, no.

Until a man who sounds and acts like that heroic, chivalric, antithesis to the bad-boy who broke your heart (and the many hopeless ones you kissed after him), arrives in your doorstep and grabs you in your waist , kneels infront of you and professes commitment and love and laughter in between, who wants to pass that up? It may not have not sounded as simple or overdramatized as that (in my experience, it wasn't and probably yours wouldn't be either), but indeed, when the chance meeting of the kindest, most charming and most intellectually stimulating person who can hold your defective attention span for far than anyone can, that was it for me. The deal-breaker as it were.

Ok, he didn't look exactly like the knight-in-shining armour in my dreams (and by far no means, i am disillusioned to think i was the replica of the pin-up poster girl on his fantasy bedroom wall,either) but if he makes you feel like you are the that girl with the perfect bouncy hair in the pantene commercial, or gave you the swagger like that lady who was chased by a group of hunky lotharios from the sexy music video you longed to star in---then maybe, this is it, the man who makes you star in your own romantic lovestory.

Fantasy feelings achieved aside, if you had a go at giving people who didn't make you feel half as important and half as beautiful as this one, what is there to lose? Your heart? I thought to myself, damn me, so be it if it breaks twice. If it did, at least the one who broke it this time around totally gave you some good self-worth due you.

But 9 years after, so far, so good. Ego intact, self-worth solid and marriage stronger. I am sure along the way, hurdles are to come, but i know many many years may pass, he'd still be that dashing lothario who i end up with, hand-in-hand, in that make-believe music video. Song title under debate, however.


*
this is a badly written entry to say, i'm glad i decided to get hitched. for i, never intended to.

getting married was a perfect present for myself, because in reality, my husband is my strength when i'm a bit undecided, my voice of reason when i am incoherent, and the meaning to why i have to be awake on dull autumn rainy cold days. he is.

and i, (without an iota of a doubt), am to him.

**

(post dedicated to those who are having their carrie bradshaw moment of "will i, or will i not?" )

when you think you have it bad...(let me tell you this)

..no you don't.


let me first say this, if you are able to read this, in the comfort of your own technology: PC/MAC, phone, ipad, reader, in the comfort of your own room, office, etc --you have it good.

thank your lucky stars.

tonight, i saw a programme on tv (as part of a tv documentary series) about India on BBC,that Adrian and i are following, that made me thank my life, my comfort and my safety.

i have visited and been to India, and i come from the Philippines where some of these documentaries i see are made to document socio-economic differences, i am sometimes horrified to know that it actually happens, but i am still astounded when i discover a different kind of poverty i never knew existed.

i used to think, i lived a realistic down-to-earth living back home. i witnessed poverty, i witnessed and experienced hardships, but after seeing such documentary, i feel i lived a sheltered life,after all.

this documentary about India, talks about the life of certain pockets in the society that not the touring population know, and probably not the rest of their own people know.

the first series looked at the lives of a man who shared a rental room with 15 other men, they sweep gold-dust from the street and sell it to gold-hawkers. and another man,who squatted in the beach to open up an illegal pub. the second series was about this woman who lived in a shanty in the city with her many children and husband, to recycle plastic bottles and sell it to wholesalers. the second series showed that apart from money struggles, they had to contend with the urban mafia who keeps collecting money from them or else the husband could get beaten up or shot.

the first series showed how this man in the gold district (quite  a busy street where gold exchange and buying happens) this gold-dust sweeper, wakes up at 3am every morning, to beat other gold-dust sweepers and get the first sweep himself. in india,where women, and children have gold on them, sometimes lose a piece of a the jewelry they are wearing, or even perhaps the gold hawkers lose  speck of a gold they have on them to the street.

but the man who buys gold from him was conning him and buying his gold for a very meager price than the original market value, so being an ingenuous person, he thought of a different tactic: he was not sweeping the street anymore, he was going to go inside a street canal, fill up 30 sacks of sewage mud/dirt (imagine the human,animal and domestic waste, ugh!) to sell to the wholesaler/big buyers of gold dust by the Ganges (where they sift the mud to extract the gold).

so the story follows him on his daily struggles , waking up at the crack of dawn,to go inside a dirty sewage, get covered in muck (toilet/city sewage on him--i say that, coming from me who work with human waste in a clinical setting is nothing--we have gloves, sanitiser and hygiene protocols where i work), and still have the energy to follow his dream.

it was only the second part of the series so far, but i find it such a mind opener what lengths (and depths in his case) people have to go through to get that next meal.

i have been to india, and seen people live there, ate with locals and celebrated a cultural event with them, but i have only seen the educated/upper class indians' way of life. the postcards and photos we see of people living the 'picture-perfect poverty'photo actually doesnt come with the story--the urban mafias threatening to kidnap their children when they cant pay, or the 'love marriage' that resulted in the poverty because the parents were not pleased about the coupling, yet resulted in happy well-dressed children that go to boarding schools despite living in squattered makeshift tents as houses. these stories not even my indian friends could tell me because they themself drive range rovers and put us up in expensive 5 star hotels and shower us expensive sarees as tokens.

while watching the documentary, and blurting out to Adrian that "oh shocks, i think the Philippines is better off than they are".  Adrian said to me , "You are saying that from your experience, but you do not know anyone from the Philippines who come from that section of society, but there are people in your country who probably do, and maybe worst".

But of course, I do know of poverty, I claim. I see it on TV patrol, on the news, heck, i even reported about it when i read the news on AM radio (the Inayawan scavengers, and squatters, etc)--but Adrian is right. until i know of someone, or friends with anyone/someone who live that life, i may get the picture in my brain, the vision of how it would look like--but to truly to know it-- i will not know.

and i do not wish anyone i know or friends with or related with, to let me discover the depths of it too.

(an ice cream vendor in tamil nadu... he has it easy compared to those on the documentary)

**

in consequence, i am even more grateful, but i somehow feel a little guilty of why we have so much while some have barely anything.

i do not have the answers,but all i know is, i will appreciate MORE what i have. and i will do my best to be of help to the society so that the government can focus on the ones that truly need the help.

too deep, i know. on a wednesday night, at that. but it has to be said.

a reminder to those like me who whine about the traffic (while im inside a nice heated or A/C'd car, or bemoaning the lipstick i forego to buy because i spent it on an overpriced Zara pump ..)

years has passed, maturity helps with lessening the whining and the shallow overtures, but real live stories like theirs are such a boink in the head.

**
i will go to work whistling tomorrow, and not complain about my taxes, my never-ending auditing and research assignments, and i will even love early mornings and the cold weather to get there because going to work in a nice comfy hospital (with free coffee,and biscuits), is far far better than going inside a ditch to scrape gold out of sewage.

**

PS. i might still complain about the weather,though. (hahaha).

i wonder if i can record the documentary for you guys to see (its interesting and informative to say the least). i'll see what i can do. 

watch this space.

love where you are at

i do. i do.

i know i've only been here a year exactly a  week ago, but deep down my heart, this place had me from the word 'go'.

you know, i always have been taught that where you live, and who you live with affect our capacity to gravitate towards good things. when you live around negativity, and bad atmosphere, it will not only bring your mental wellbeing down, but it will also kick away the good energy meant for you.

i always thought i had it good where i was before. i loved our house (i still do, i miss my kitchen truth be told :-0) but this entire historical county has grabbed my heart hook, line and sinker.

i know Adrian and i will not be here permanently (because we own a house on the London border), but we plan on staying until all my family have visited *knock on wood* (that is the plan), and of course, until i have finished my rotational assignment.

i also think that i have matured as a person, and with the maturity afforded me, with it came the openness to receive blessings (people,love, affection,relation--- non-monetary) that head my way. the place, with all its visual trimmings, the charm and the people that come with it, the experiences attached to it, it just gets better. 

i could not ask for more. 

(except better health for my love ones, i must add) 

**

how about you, where you are now, and can you say it has given you the "oomph" to accept life's offerings?

are you willing to (physically) move/ relocate to get a healthier and refreshed outlook about your life?

or do you actually believe that a place has anything to do with one's capacity to receive good energy?

thoughts?

pre graduation night

monday early evening, the 16th.

we travelled all the way from norfolk to essex, to stay at a friends' house. the same friends who were coming in to witness my graduation because i already paid for two other tickets for my mom and my sister (who by the way could not make it--ahh,well, plans).

it was nearer to leave from their house to my university, which could take an hour in a good traffic. (because of the olympics traffic however, it took as 15 minutes longer to get to uni the next day).

we arrived expecting just two of my friends in their house, but i wasnt expecting another friend and her partner to be there,too.

it was a happy reunion. one over stories, and food and gifts-- all a surprise to/for me.

when in a rush, make-up has been the normal sacrifice of late.

i couldn't sleep that night. its that feeling of just having had a great night, the buzz of a wonderful evening took a long time to wane, not being in your own bed and the anticipation of an event i would have loved my family to witness but they couldn't.

*

the next day, i received my degree. with second highest honours while my friends and husband looked on with pride.

family beauties

ok, be honest. when you look at me, you'd think that i come from a family of ugly ducklings, right? (aminin!). that in fact,is far from the truth.

alright. i admit, during my growing up years, my grandma, or my family/relatives would always remark about my talent and brains (ehem!) but would never comment about my looks (hehehe). it was never a problem to me because my mother and father always never emphasized about beauty per se as a must-have in the family. they appreciated and would comment about how intelligent someone is, or how well-mannered their friends' children are, or how funny/good entertainer someone's child is, which i thought were always traits that mattered to both my parents. so i strived to be all of that (well, i tried to,haha).

i am not ugly, but you must see my cousins and then you'd know why my brand of looks were not the most talked about in my family,haha. so this blog entry really is to show you how many beautiful/ good-looking cousins i have.


all are first degree cousins of mine; our fathers are brothers:

Note: pictures are not mine.. taken from their facebook accounts and in the case of my Ate Ting, it came from Google images (LOL).



First off: My Ate Ting-ting, or more popularly known as Maria Quiban as weather girl in a tv channel in LA. Her real name is Ma. Theresa Aviso thus we call her Ate Tingting.. She left the Philippines when she was just starting high school and grew up in Hawaii.

Her father was my dad's brother Gener (where i got the 'gen" part of my Ragen name,haha. Trust my father's brand of creativity of connecting two of my uncle's names). Gener was a pilot (he died along with my uncle Raoul in a freak drowning accident where my father was the only person spared) and his family left for the US when he died.

Apart from being a weathergirl, she also starred in some tv shows, and movies most notably Cold Case, Criminal Minds and Bruce Almighty.

She and i briefly met in our childhood days, i was a little girl then and she was just in her elementary years, thus, my memories of her are just the photos she sends my grandmother yearly and stories i hear from my father. She is quite close to the rest of the family who live in LA/California at the moment as they are geographically able to meet up.

**

**

next is: Cousin Suzanne or "Honey". Daughter of my uncle Efren (deceased).

Honey used be a spokesperson for Avon cosmetics when she was just 14 years old. She graduated with a Computer Science degree and now a successful manager for an insurance company (i am not sure if this is accurate re. her current job because these are just information i get from other relatives). Skinwise, she is flawless, and sings like a diva. She also is a bookworm and a romantic at heart. From what i heard,she is still single, but i guess, its hard to settle when you look like that ;-)

We were never close when we were growing up,because she grew up in her mom's hometown in Masbate, and moved to Cebu in her high school years but she and i always talk whenever we can, and more recently catching up on Facebook (i love facebook for catching up with relatives,dont you?). I had memories of summers where we used to play with the rest of our cousins and she would be very 'hinhin and shy', and a little bit intimidated by the rest of the other loud-spoken cousins (guilty!LOL).

The last few years,we never got to spend time together because she always had a boyfriend who kept her busy and unavailable whenever we attempted an invite. Recent facebook messages promises some meet-ups in the future.

doesn't she look like Anne Hathaway?

**

Next is Victoria or Texy. (Uncle Nestor's daughter).

Texy is quite young,and she would be in a generation where she was still a baby when i was in the Philippines so i wouldnt be able to tell you much of her personality as we never got to hang out. She is 21 years old and already has a son who is a cute adorable gem.

Texy is a BSc Nursing graduate from USJR and was crowned as Ms.USJR two years ago. She is a ramp model in Cebu, and currently is the face of What a Girl Wants. Texy is one half of a fraternal twin duo,and her brother Wello,is also a gem.

**

Next is Tony Rose or "Tony'.


Tony is the youngest daughter of my uncle Victor and Auntie Libeth. She has two university degrees and most recent one is a nursing degree to which she is now making full use in New Zealand at the moment. She is a great cook, loves a travelling and photography and loves a night out of dancing and has a big arsenal of beautiful and amazing friends. She is one of my favourites because she has the kindest heart from a person and she is sweet and nurturing by nature.

**

Another beauty is: Joan Pearl or "Joan".

(her photos are when she was pregnant with her second child).

Joan is the brains and creative force behind Belle Marie wedding and party planning services. She is eloquent and beautiful (pretty pretty face, flawless face - hardly wears any make-up) and is a very hands-on mom to her two babies. She used to be a radio DJ too. But now,she is more or less busy driving her kids to and from school, meeting clients to arrange the nitty gritty of weddings and playing dutiful wife to her hubby Sean.

She is a wedding fanatic and meticulous to the very last detail when it comes to her weddings and parties to the point of obsession. Its a trait that is obvious when it comes to her kids because she is very much hands-on with her children and in fact, she makes sure,she knows what her children eats, and takes them to her client meetings. I used to remember when she and Sean were still dating, they would drop by my station and we would have lunch together and laugh over recent events of our lives. She and Sean were one of my greatest rocks when i underwent a heartbreak waayyy back years ago. Those were memorable moments.

**

Also, not forgetting the very pretty and very accomplished : Kharla May or "Karla"

Out of everyone, Karla is my closest cousin and practically my best friend. We grew up attached to one another's hip. There was a time our boyfriends were bestfriends. Then the next time, our boyfriends were cousins. It was that bad,haha.

She also came from Science High School (breeding ground for excellent scientists,haha), and in university, a consistent Deans lister, she graduated with a Chemical Engineering degree from USC talamban. She is now in charge of the Vaccines division for Cebu region for Glaxo SmithKline ( a well awarded one at that!) and she is an avid nature lover, and a devout caholic. Once,she said, the only thing that stopped her from becoming a nun was because they do not allow make-up inside the convent,haha. She also teaches catechism to kids during her spare time when she is not busy doing things for me (out of love).

She loves eating out, eating in, she is also into travelling which is harder for her to find "the one" because they have to at least be at par with her accomplishments and intelligence. She is candid, funny and easy to be with (no requirements!) and she doesnt even know it. Her only downfall: she loves her sleep too much! She cannot stay later than 10 PM, so any activities with her has to be waaayyy before her bedtime.


And of course, speaking of beauties, i will not hesitate to mention my very own sister Ana Candelaria or Ana/Ankai/Nana.

Ana is a 23 year old freelance creative. She is does everything that her creative mind takes her. She loves fashion (clothes), shoes (my gulay!) and music and a love for french cosmetics. She is also a make-up artist, photographer, emcee/host, writer for a french canadian company website, and sometimes does the occasional singing and stage acting gig. She is also at the moment, in love, thus the new sexy bod (haha!). She is my youngest sister,and forever one of my truest inspirations. She also loves me to death, and that alone would make her number one on this beauty list.

**

Needless to say, i am proud of my cousins,and sister,and that apart from their looks, i am proud too of their accomplishments.

I only shared some of the most beautiful people in my family (i have not mentioned everyone) and hope it will somehow give u some glimpse into my family and an idea that although it has missed me by a half-shot (mga dalawang paligo,haha)--beauty indeed runs in my family.

about weight and losing it (a very long essay)

The Before and After Photos:

Older photos:

i must have been thinking : burger or sausage bun? burger? or sausage bun?

we were probably laughing at our cuteness,lol.

i was even 'slim' in my mind in that photo.

i thought i hid my bulges well. and that was hiding it.

no amount of expensive designer kaftans can cover my jellies up.

we're sexy and we know it (lol)

i must have been pregnant here. oh wait, i was never pregnant!lol.

MORE RECENT ones:

taken last month. i woke up and thought, "goodness, i am a goddess"

i felt great within myself taking this pic.

shattered from work,but what the hell,im slimmer, it needs a photo op!

this afternoon. just before i traipsed around town. all size 14 of me.

**

i think the best way to break a dry blog curse is diving in head first and getting dirty. when i mean dirty ,i mean being down pat to the most urgent and current situation that i'm in at the moment.

well, as most of u my dear blog readers (all thousands of you *hehehe*) know that i am in the throes of a weightloss mania. so far,im still riding the mania high. until how long, i do not know,but if it were just up to my good fortune, i will continue this till kingdom come. but then again, history says, i am not that good with maintaining what i started, this blog included (touche').

so far, im on my 9th month of this 'active/exercise lifestyle'. i started at 92.8 kgs and as of tonight's weigh in, i am 76 kgs. great? great! but there lies the divide. if u asked me years ago , 9 months to lose all these weight was too long. i was always a fan of quick schemes. the three-day diet/the three month super cut body. the overnight 2 pound weightloss. the 6-6 diet. the lose 10 pounds in 10 days, etc. (oh the yo-yo! i guess that can contribute surely to early diabetes, as fluctuations in sugar that quick is not good).

but all through these years, successful those diets/schemes may have been on me, they have not lasted, and they were painful. i had to sacrifice a lot. not eating at certain times, not eating rice, not eating sweets, not doing this,etc,etc.

alas! fast forward to being mature and much more resigned to 'health' than 'fashion/waif' reasons for dieting/exercise, i have found the not-so-quick scheme but a more doable and more enduring way to losing the excess poundage.

i am not there yet (hell,no!) and may not reach my size 10 UK dreams (thats size 6 US for you Forever 21 fans, bwehe!), but then, if at the end of this all, i have exercised all my cellulites out of my derrier, then maybe, maybe, i have succeeded still in my own quirky way.

so how did i manage so far?

here are some unsolicited tips for you who are planning to join me in this journey. (please do, exercise and losing weight the healthy way is boring on your own). PS> these are why it worked for me. So if you are like me, this may work with you,too.

-Tip 1) Ditch the "QUICK" word- Rome wasnt built in a day. So is the Goddess in you that's waiting to come out. Any self-respecting adiposa (fat, my dear lovelies) will always fight twice faster the time u lost it. The human body is not meant to lose weight for 2 pounds a week, but ok, i am with you when you think thats too slow, so maybe, let's make that 4 lbs a week. So that means, your means of losing the fats should maintain your water/fluid balance (you are not allowed to be dehydrated), you are not allowed to be ultra hungry (a little bit hungry is ok) ,thus, the other end of the spectrum of being overly-full is not allowed either.

Think of this as a lifestyle plan for lifetime. Once you get into this thing, you are into this hook,line and sinker. No turning back. Ok, period of rests are allowed but no more than a week, or else you are back to square one.


- Tip 2) Ditch the 'diet". what diet are you on? Anything that has the word "diet" attached to it, is never trustworthy. It normally is associated with tip number 1: the quick scheme. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe a pre-exercise snack is needed, go ahead. Do not starve yourself. The body will think that is your 'normal' so it stores your fats for safekeeping, but as soon as you attend the next meal invite by your girlfriends, or the next birthday party you need to drop in on, the body sucks in all of what you ate and will hang on to it for dear life. Be sensible. So you're hungry? Eat. Your stomach is growling? Make sure its not just gas, or else,the toilet is yours. When was the last time you had a meal? 4 hours ago? Go ahead. Have a banana if its not yet meal time. Ok, two bananas if you're really hungry. Add in a packet of skyflakes if it helps, but remember, you still have that dinner meet-up with officemates tonight, hala ka!

(getting into this mindset takes time. it is basically about habit-formation and retraining your brain. most big eaters normally just think they are hungry, so when we learn to train our thoughts that if its not meal times yet,we are not yet hungry, then it will get easier. if you know the answer how to do it, buzz me. this is also where i struggle).

- Tip 3) Move that bootey. Exercise, exercise, exercise, my loves. No two ways about it. I have been living in England approximately 9 years now, believe it or not, i eat lesser number of meals when i moved here and ate more veggies. And there was even a time, i had so little appetite, that i would only eat once a day, yet i was gaining more and more each time. Calorie-wise, maybe i was only eating 2-3T calories (maybe), but then again, i was sedentary. I was on my computer when i was at home, and munched on snacks. It all sits in the belly.

My brother's tip: (he's a gym instructor) is, a if you want to lose the weight: Exercise 4x a week at least,and do cardio exercises that gets your heart rate really fast. (more definite details on how to compute your HR at a level where you are most productive at fat burning on another time). The exercise should also be at least 45 minutes. To maintain, exercise 3-2x a week.

I *go to the gym (*aim) 4x a week. I would prefer to go 5x a week but my job is a very physically demanding job (i do rehab treatment on people who are paralysed so it somehow involves some muscular movement/exercise, so the 5th day is forgiven via the job).

I allocate 2 hours in the gym everytime. 40 minutes for the crosstrainer, 40 minutes on the treadmill (so thats 80 minutes cardio). and i do 20 minutes on shoulders/arm weights. and 20 minutes for changing/loo times/and vanity photography shots in the locker room (hahaha!).

i started out only with 15 minutes on the treadmill, and 10 minutes on the crosstrainer in the 8th of November, 2011. I only started weight-training on my arms a month ago. Your body starts to crave more. Your muscles gets used to the burn and it will crave for more, so you will build up accordingly.

Annnd! it doesnt have to be the gym really. It can be swimming, dancing or anything. I heard once, a Filipina actress who once was heavy-set lost all her weight when she decided enough is enough and got up every morning at the crack of dawn to do dancing. Yes, she just danced. Danced until she could not dance anymore. But then again, it has to be at least 45 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week to show results. How about swimming? Aqua aerobics, running, jogging, brisk walking (remember Charlotte from Sex and the City? she did brisk walking a few times a week in Central Park, why not go to your nearest park or your local subdivision, and do brisk walking? Doable? go ahead!). Cycling? Badminton? Cleaning your house? Exercise DVDs! years ago, i also lost a lot of weight before just doing Taebo exercises via a pirated DVD that was given to me as a present. But a few months after that, i got promoted in the radio station i worked in, and i got too busy to exercise, the moment i decided to stop exercising, i also completely lost all inhibitions in the dining table, thus why i am back to square one,lol).


- Tip 4) Realistic expectations..From yourself. If you are going to do an exercise plan and a food-restructure (i said the word 'diet' is not allowed,hah) then, do the things you think is more realistic to your kid of life/work/role. If you're a mom,with a job and kids, i cannot imagine you not eating together with your family as solution, so it lessens temptations because, being a mom, value-formation for your kiddos will always be priority. If you work as a nurse with shift work, having a meal-time plan should be stricter,so your stomach can adjust to what is doable for you.

When i started this journey, i knew i could not do "no rice" (besides no carbs is bad for you, it can produce ketones which could lead to kidney stones/ kidney failure). I could not do: slimfast/liquid diets (hell no!), and most of all i could not be vegetarian. so those are very unrealistic for me to do. I knew however, that i could make up by being 'active'. I knew that if i exercise (aerobics via DVD was the initial plan) a bit more, "lessen" the rice habit,and restructure the time i eat, and substituting, maybe, maybe, my mind, would cooperate. i jumped and tried doing it, and it worked. (so far).

today, i eat lesser rice than i used to. i eat according to my exercise. if i ate a lot, then i know i have to work my butt off, then i do. i still eat chocolates, rice (up to a third helping, yes!), ice cream, meat, and cakes, but hell, i know i have to whip myself more if i had a bar of chocolate that day. so its a compromise.

Ok, ok. so far, we know, exercise and a good diet works. But what am i teling you that you do not know already?

ahhh, the magic word : motivation. how do u/i keep it going?

it is a struggle. but somehow, i talk myself around it. but since i've already written a whole novel here, that will be chapter two topic next time.

see you in the gym, loves!


Another PS: see why you should take 'fat' photos of yourself? you need it for your "before" and "after" documentation (*lol).

i am in love with this woman

..because she says so much truth we wish we said ourselves.

"SKINS" Open Mic: Kim Selling from Champ Ensminger on Vimeo.

‘fat bottomed girls’.

“if every bastard who had ever judged my body

were lined up in front of me

firing squad-style

and i was given the right

to do with them as i pleased,

i would be at a loss.

i would probably yell

—eat me!—

because i love a good fat girl pun,

but there’s nothing else left inside

to make them understand

the extreme ignorance and misspent pain they embody.

you can all just fucking EAT ME.

devour my scarlet throbbing flesh

like junior high vultures

like sorority pledge councils

like debutante beauty queens

i don’t look like you

what the fuck else is new?

there is no footnote

in the regulations index of my life

that tells me i have to sleep on ellipticals

and suck down the hopeful semen

of boys named jimmy

until you understand my body.

you won’t ever understand my body.

i am miss piggy, i am mama cass, i am fucking aretha.

and i love being these women.

i love being fat.

my thighs shriek rough and ready sex

like downtown thunder

my ass drips vanilla milkshakes

and my personal style is baby gay madonna

meets crop top goth

AND IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.

being fat doesn’t make me different,

—fuck, i look like america—

but loving that i’m fat

makes me a pillsbury rebellion.

i hold protests in my mouth

when i eat in public

picket signs wallpaper my willing body

when i dance naked in my apartment.

RIOTS NOT DIETS is tattooed across my chest

and i live for the moment

when i shock you into silence.

because being me is political

and you never voted for this shit.

body image is just bad english for

how hard you stomp the sidewalk

or how many cracks in the mirror

you’ve traced.

i may have been picked last in softball,

but i was nationally ranked in tennis,

and you’ll never be ready for this jelly

because all you nibble on

are sad-ass spoonfuls of

organic low sodium peanut butter.

yeah, i tend to date black guys

and i rarely say no to a homemade baked good

but that says no more about me than —

how you chew big red compulsively when you’re nervous, or

how you can never say no to your mother —

says about you.

so just let it be.

we’re grown-ups now, i think.

there are no more lunch time kickball teams,

and i already have a date to the next dance.

so when you feel the need

to pretend to be concerned

about my health or well-being

just know that i’ve already let go of the trigger

firing squad-style

just know that you don’t have

to count the calories

when i tell you

to fucking eat me.”

here is her tumbler page;-)

http://theavantguard.tumblr.com/post/3978858372/this-is-a-video-of-me-from-a-couple-weeks-ago

dimsum satisfaction

one of our new finds in soho area.

we have our usual favourites but it was a saturday where London seem to have grown thrice in tourist population,so we decided to try their dimsum.

at Leong's Legend


**

waiting for our number 11 red bus;-)

the date and i;-)

8 meat dumpling..;-) (adrian had a plateful each)

2 orders of prawn and chive dumpling...and pork shiu bun

pork belly wrap;-)

the lady in question

the prawn siomai (Adrian and i had one plateful each: our fave).. and Leong's braised belly (just like my Mama's humba, i swear im going back for this)

Adrian's special fried rice;-)

my egg fried rice;-)

King prawn steamed in oyster sauce

we were there just half past 1pm..lesser people, and not too embarassing to take pics

the restaurant;-) (whoever is coming to visit me in the UK should remind me to take them there)

**

after a hearty lunch, we did some shopping in Oxford street, and ended up in Selfridges..

we headed home around 7 pm;-)

at night, on the way home..

*

truly, the lunch was worth the day;-)