oh ye of little faith

my contract has arrived through the post today. it waits for me to sign it.

i am worried. i have no faith in myself anymore when it comes to decisions. i have so many people i carry on my back and little things that require my decision just makes me panic.

if you are not taking care of a family, or a husband, then u must think i am crazy for feeling all these. but anyone who are in my position,would perhaps understand.

its like going for something i really really love and not even sure if the effects of this move will affect all the people i have on my list.


**

background:

i applied for this job one crazy early hours of the morning online after writing my thesis (that long ago!!) because i saw it was near commuting for me (thats what i thought!). trust my eyes to read Kings Lynn, as Kings Cross. (so i get confused, the names here are so redundant, one cant help it)

after i hit the SEND button, i saw the word Norfolk. I got confused even further.

in the morning Adrian thought i was crazy applying for a job in Norfolk and said, NO i cannot commute a 6 hour roundtrip drive.

but added, its a beautiful holiday county. i said, i know, my friends go there alot for holidays but i never got interested.

shame, i thought. it offers the best rotation (a term we use for general assignments before we specialize) as it gives me the best of my fave specializations..(paediatrics, stroke, brain injury and trauma and orthopaedics, mental health,etc). it will give me all that specializations after, which u hardly see nowadays being offered.

so i thought, not to feel upset, i will not probably get an interview anyways.


**

got the invite for interview three weeks ago.

Adrian said, attend the interview, because you will get a practice of future interviews. and lets make a day out of it too.

i said, ok, wow! (more excited about the day trip than the interview)

**

friday the 19th came.

the drive there was nice and pleasant. especially passing by beautiful fields.

the hospital was big and so high-tech (what was i thinking?). and everyone are so friendly.

i asked the receptionist where the PT department was, she walked me all the way there. (bonus points!)

i asked her where i could park, she took me there, and wrote for me the lists of places i could kill time, if i want to as i was an hour early. (in London and these parts, you would be lucky if the receptionist will even look your way.--NOT an exaggeration).


**

i was not nervous about the interview. you know, when you go for something you don't really care if u get it or not.

my mindset was id attend it, write down the questions and style of interview and then wait for other interviews to come. (one is on the 9th of september, and one in first week of october but are not as nice as this rotation,sadly).


then i saw the other girls that came and sat near me.

there were 5 of us all recent graduate from different universities. one from Uni of East Anglia, one from Plymouth, from Peterborough, one from Norwhich..

all of us live far bar one the girl who was a Norwhich grad lived in Kings Lynn (Norfolk) and said,she is soon to marry and has a house in Kings Lynn and wishes to get the job (desperately, i might add). In my mind, she's nice, i don't mind giving the job to her.

the rest were friendly, and chatty and were willing to relocate. all of them single so it was easy for relocation (bar me).

the man came out to give us name tags, and congratulated us because we were 5 candidates plucked out of 86 applicants.

told us that the first part of the interview was a practical test and part two was a round-robbin interview done by 7 specialists, and all 5 of us were to go around after 5 minutes of Q&A.

"here goes interview harakiri" i muttered to myself.


**

the last person to interview me asked me: "why did you apply here in Norfolk, u live so far".

i was (partly) honest. i said, "i needed a job that could offer me the best rotation to my name, and since the recession,the NHS has cut down all the budgets for good specializations for newly qualified therapists, which your hospital still offers.".

i did not tell him however that i am an ignoramus to the different towns and counties of England and that Kings Lynn and Kings Cross looked the same on paper and that they both have the same hospital name,too. and that I am NO WAY taking this job too.

he asked again "why OUR hospital?" why not 'James Piaget Hospital down the road, or ".." (i forgot the other one)..

i said " i didn't know they were hiring". ok, this was a big mistake. never under any circumstances answer this way if you were after a job. i thought this man is trying to catch me out. (oh ok, i must have said it better than that, but the gist is, i only applied to their hospital because they were hiring rotational therapists. and i might also have added that "after reading your hospital brochure, i know you offer specialized training to staff which other hospitals do not do anymore).

anyways,he wrote something on his paper and with furrowed brows. i thought this is where i FLUNK the interview.


**

adrian was sat reading his paper in the parking lot (the parking lot is surrounded by parkland, i must add). so he wasn't under the summer sun (which was in full shine that day), so he was under a shady leafy tree.

he said "that was a LONG interview". it was. i left the building by 4:30 pm and by then we were scared we'd get stuck in motorway traffic so we decided to go home and promised to come back another time to do some sightseeing.

how do u think you did? i said im sure i aced the practical test (i do 'hoisting' every day where i work right now).

and the specialist interviews were great (you can tell that the interviewers loved your answers when they start to talk about their own exeperience even if its your interview not theirs,haha)..except the HR person who asked me why i wanted to work in their hospital. i was blunt in telling him that i didnt care which hospital would take me as long as its a nice rotation. but overall, i think i answered 98 percent of what they want from someone.

A: lets charge it to experience.

ME: i shall.


**

saturday

A: what if you get the job?

Me: the plan was to not accept the job...

Me: shame we didnt look around and took pictures its sucha lovely town

A: will go holiday there..



**
sunday

A: i have a feeling you got the job

Me: i do too. but i hope i wont. im scared to move.

A:well, we can talk about it more. its doable.

Me: please, don't confuse me.

- - -

emailed my two friends: Kharla and Leah and they said, yeah, u might have to consider the move.

**

monday am:

they rang the house around 9am.

she told me i got the job i said, can i ring her back.


me: adrian we have to give an answer, id be too embarrassed to say NO they would think i wasted their time

A: they wont tell you off for not taking it. they understand you have to relocate. but, we could move.

me: really?

(we ended up discussing renting a small place in Norfolk, a cottage (in our dreams) and he could garden while i work. go out on evening walks by the field, and go to the farmers market every weekend, and come back to our house here every month)

i ended up accepting the job. the lady on the phone was happy and said, their HR department will be sending the contract for me to sign.

**

ever since monday, i get highs and lows about the move..

that's in another blog altogether.