i was driving home,from work and i could feel a cold trickle on my chin. because it was dark i couldn't see it. the cold trickle made my chin itch, then when i touched my chin, i could feel a wet patch, and on my lips too. I stopped for a few minutes in a dark wooden part of the country lane.
i checked my shirt and my face, and you would think i was punched or i had a face crash, then i realised the bleeding wouldn't stop. it was slowly trickling. i know there wasn't a scratch or a cut on my nose, so i was getting panicked.
i said, i might just as well go home as quickly as i should and then get help.
when i started the car , the battery (which we were having fixed this weekend) obviously died and wouldn't start.
the next best thing was to phone Adrian but he wasn't in the house as he was in the gym (i knew because i rang him at home just before i left for home, and he said he was on his way to the gym).
so i had to wait in the cold, dark dingy area in the middle of the country lane, bleeding, and (sobbing because of the cold,i might add), for m husband to pick me up and jumpstart my car.
**
after 30 minutes of shivering and cold fear, that i might die and not anyone knowing about it, i rang my work,and asked for help.
thank goodness for a kind colleague who brought a battery jumper and rescued me.
and when he saw me, he thought i was in an accident and because i was still bleeding, he had to bring me to the hospital,where i met Adrian fresh from the gym looking worried and harrassed (wild hair, not ponytailed after his shower,haha).
we were a scene out of comedy sketch at the doctors clinic. because of my medical history, i was asked to stay overnight in the hospital but i refused because the bleeding stopped at around 10PM. i was tired, and probably anaemic by then, but knew a goodnight's sleep and nourishment (and my warm home) wold be ok for me. plus, i cant miss today's work. i cant afford to be ill.
when i knew i had to go back tonight for some tests, i was alright, and given some drugs (some mild coagulating drugs). the doctor tried to scared me off with his prediction what i might be diagnosed with, but i'm not gonna worry about that. If i'm dying, i will die, i'm not scared to be honest.
today, i'm tired, over tired in fact, but i know whatever the outcomes are, i will still smile. for the meantime, id live life for me.
**
so if you think your life is shit, just think about other people who had to wait for life-threatening diagnoses. (catastrophising,haha).
and if you have a blessed life, be thankful, as you should be.
for the meantime, lets enjoy life's biggest party.
***
PS: im not dramatising. i just had a kidney scare a few weeks ago. problematic mandibular joint, arthritic joints,diabetes and now this. what's next i wonder?
i sure live a thrilling life. i live day-to-day for the last few months,haha. dont feel sorry for me as i am not sorry for myself. i think i have accepted the facts of my life.
but then again,if i go tomorrow, id feel bad because i didn't leave an explanation what happened between here and there.
the material and superficial things in life doesn't matter anymore. family, friends and love ones are top value for me. count yourself lucky if you have people who care for you.
i sure count myself lucky.
**
i was supposed to sleep early tonight, but i had to prepare for my groups tomorrow. best way to live life is occupy each moment with meaningful and soul-satisfying activities , and golly, i thank God for work,and my friends, most especially for my husband, who i know, is still kicking himself for going to gym last night. i know he wants me not to work, but i cant vegetate and wait for blood test results and scans. its the most awful thing in the world. i bet you, it will still come up with something negative, or maybe just an infection.
i dont want to have wasted time over a infection. and even if it means something grave, at least, i made each minute count.
**
my psychologist friend said: "some people who had to deal with alot in their early life tend to overwork and overdo things when they're in a crisis." hmmnnn..
and you must know, she's a published author of psychochogy books. she must be good.
me..pre-bloody times, hehe :-)
