christmas shopping

i had an oops! should i have, or shouldn't i have ? moment today.


during my creative activities group this afternoon, while doing our activity (flower pot painting), i asked the members whether they have done any of their christmas to-do list; ie shopping and decorating, during one of those awkward silent moments...

one of the women,M, who was a regular attendee didn't answer my question. a few said "nope, i haven't", a few said, "some bits here and there, a few christmas pressies covered, etc".

the assistant K, said to me after the group session ended, that she was trying to catch my attention when i was asking the question. M was apparently feeling sad because two of his nephews died recently in October, and apparently was saying that she is not looking forward to christmas and just want's to die.

i was shocked. i said "well, no one has told me that, and i sure have not seen it on her notes".

the assistant said, "well, she doesn't talk about it, and she only told a few people in the centre" (probably the head OT and her psychiatrist). i felt bad and apologised that i wasn't able to see her/the assistant's signals. not that we talked at length about it as this group were more or less have depressive symptoms and some have anxiety disorder, they hardly communicate in a group setting. which explains the need for us to create a very social atmosphere and using a medium (art) to increase focus and concentration on productivity and distracting them from obsessive negativity. so there was no lengthy discussion on the matter.

i apologised for not seeing her signals, but i didn't apologise for asking the question for the reasons:

1st) there was no way i would know about it if it wasn't written on the notes. no one tells me the recently divulged warnings or risks, when i've only started 4 weeks ago, so i didn't have ongoing rapport with M.

2) someone could ask her the same questions relating to christmas when she's out in the public, or all she had to do is watch TV at home then she will know its that time of the year, she has to get used to time-appropriate questions. (its not like i asked a random question, say about, World War 2..and it brought memories of her dead relatives,or something. the question was time-appropriate and anyone could have asked her that).


I observed now that some people's way of treatment is molly-coddling which i think does not benefit the clients. i think for therapy to work, it has to be relatable to the outside world. if we tiptoe and cover all the people in the centre with cotton wool, they might as well stay in a mental hospital as they would be molly-coddled there, and get institutionalised in the pretend cocoon.

in the real world,people will ask awkward questions, people will make fun of us, people will make insensitive comments, people will make abrupt remarks, and if their mental state is fragile for these comments and questions, and not taught how to deal with it, then they will not be able to cope with life, in general. they should be taught proper way of dealing with it.

assertiveness training should be taught,and also combatting negative thoughts. its not accepting that these comments are right, and in no way am i advocating for people to be push-overs, but knowing which topics needs their serious energy or approaching problems head-on but with a more rational calmer approach.

stewing on something in your chest,or your mind,can lead to serious problems. it will be a bubbling to a point one could explode. one can only take so much, its best to let out some issues in a manner that doesn't make one look like a twat, excuse my language.

i believe, M benefitted from me asking that question to group. it not only let her practice in dealing situations like that in public, but it also made her see, that is indeed almost christmas and she will never get away from probing questions relating to the season,whether she likes it or not.

how she feels with the question will never change. but how she deals with the question will be her assessment if she's benefitted from our therapy.

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if i had to react every time someone makes a comment about fat people and other stuff that would relate to me, i would have no energy to do other things.

one of the best things we learn as we grow up, is learning to sift and to manage which comments take to heart,and which ones goes in the bin.

and selfish as it may sound, for my sanity, all the frivolous comments made by people i do not know, should not matter. unless they're people from the health department, now thats another story.

(needless to say, family, and love ones' opinions--now those you take to bed with you. but then again, only after some considerable sifting too.)

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now let me ask you this question: how are you getting along with your christmas to-do list?


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{photo: shop window announcement, oxford street, august,2010}