Monday, 6 December 2010

i looked into the eyes of my future tonight



it's just past midnight. i'm hungry, tired, emotional and sad. i haven't had dinner yet,and i just got back from the hospital to rush in a friend who is ill.

she rang me in distress,in the middle of me cooking my beef steak (visayan style) and jacket potatoes for adrian around 7:30. tearful and horribly sounding on the phone, saying she is so unwell and has been vomitting non stop. Adrian told me he is quite happy to make a sandwhich and just have that for tonight, while i turn off the heat from the cooking steaks. he knows my friend needed me.

and he also added for me to bring a crisp just in case i get hungry. he knows i might take longer to come back.

i drove (as fast as i could in snow) to my friend's house. she was ill indeed. she looked tired, worn and very tearful. she lives on her own. her children are far from her, and even if they are close, she cant call them quickly in emergencies like these.

i massaged her back, while she was vomitting in the toilet, i changed the water in her hot water bottle, and packed her overnight bag for the hospital (yes, there is no boundaries anymore when one is ill, but thats what friends are for). i kept making sure she was warm enough and kept massaging her back due to the horrible pains she was experiencing.


when the ambulance people came at 9:40pm, they immediately took her to the hospital. i drove behind them.

i phoned her elderly parents and assured them she's going to be fine. i rang her daughter in london and assured her that her mum is stable, and rang people from her work who needed to know where she is.

*
i was waiting in the A&E together with so many people (there were so many casualties of the snow there tonight), while she was being put into the system data.

i was called in to sit with her in her assessment bedroom.

we chatted, we laughed, i assured her that she's going to be ok once the doctor gives her some medication.


tonight was such a moment of panic, madness and adrenaline that drove me there. coming home in the car, i cried because i feel for her, and i feel for the future me.

God forbid, something happens to my beloved, who do i ring when i'm sick to pick me up? who will massage my back when i'm in pain? who holds my hand when i feel scared?

like my friend, she appreciated me being there for her, and was grateful to the point of tears with our friendship, but im sure, she would rather have her partner or her children there. i could tell from her eyes.

i think i have just seen my future. and right now, it looks bleak.


***

I thank the heavens for blessing me with a lovely close-knit family;
i thank the heavens for blessing me with amazing friends;
a loving and supportive husband
may that continue forever.

12 comments:

Mimiii said...

you are really such an awesome friend, Chel! don't worry, sa ka maayo nimo sa imong family and friends, He will never leave you alone. simbako maabot nang future nga imong nakita, He will send you "angels".

konsuy said...

you will always have me around chel. wished we lived closer. =)

test said...

i'm an only child, chel. i feel for this as someone on the other side of the fence. i guess it's not easy for both ends.

Anonymous said...

Someone who's so dear and loved by so many people will always have someone to their rescue when you need it. Yes, I feel what you mean, we'd prefer to have our loved ones by our side but sometimes that is not physically possible. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

kookooforcocopuffs said...

you are really such an awesome friend, Chel! don't worry, sa ka maayo nimo sa imong family and friends, He will never leave you alone. simbako maabot nang future nga imong nakita, He will send you "angels".

**

hi mims, i am only doing what any other friend would do..and i always think that whatever a friend ask from me, i might ask from them in the future, and i hate saying No to friends:-) kun makaya lang, i always make sure i would do it..:-) i hope so mims, that there is someone for me..sayang my family is so far away:-) thanks mims:-)

kookooforcocopuffs said...

you will always have me around chel. wished we lived closer. =)


***

chi, thats so sweet..i believe every word you say:-) thanks chi..thats so comforting to know..

kookooforcocopuffs said...

i'm an only child, chel. i feel for this as someone on the other side of the fence. i guess it's not easy for both ends.

**
hi rosee:-) i agree with you..but also, i think some people may have loads of siblings but still wont have the help they need because their siblings are too far from them..or a person may be an only child, but will have hundreds of people who will rush to their side..:-) i hope one day, i have my family with me..or have children of my own (not for them to take care of me, but just want some love when one is not well)...:-)

kookooforcocopuffs said...

Someone who's so dear and loved by so many people will always have someone to their rescue when you need it. Yes, I feel what you mean, we'd prefer to have our loved ones by our side but sometimes that is not physically possible. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

**

i believe so ate lou, but some people no matter how loved too, when there are things on their friends' plate, the rescue might not come even if its wanted to be given.:-) im keeping my fingers crossed and im praying that i will never be alone:-)

Delectable Dee said...

Ayaw ka worry kabahin mga inana, oi. You are somebody who's always made people feel they're loved and cared for, you are generous and constantly overflowing with love, encouragement and friendship. People like you never run out of friends. You reap what you sow and we all know you have been sowing plenty of love your entire life. :) The harvest will truly be plenteous. And besides, our God is a Faithful God...you will always be held securely in the gracious palm of His hands.
xxx

Dee said...

somehow this post made me teary-eyed. Bless your heart cheloi, HE will truly bless you with hundred fold of angels... so whether you're in pain, in distress, or in unimaginable joy... you will always have somebody there to share it with.

It's not often to find someone who will brave the snow for you. lucky friend you have there.

kookooforcocopuffs said...

Ayaw ka worry kabahin mga inana, oi. You are somebody who's always made people feel they're loved and cared for, you are generous and constantly overflowing with love, encouragement and friendship. People like you never run out of friends. You reap what you sow and we all know you have been sowing plenty of love your entire life. :) The harvest will truly be plenteous. And besides, our God is a Faithful God...you will always be held securely in the gracious palm of His hands.
xxx

*

oh Dee, i hope youre right..im sure alot of lovely and amazing people also end up dying on their own..i hope i dont end up like that:-) *hugs* thanks for the words of comfort:-)

kookooforcocopuffs said...

somehow this post made me teary-eyed. Bless your heart cheloi, HE will truly bless you with hundred fold of angels... so whether you're in pain, in distress, or in unimaginable joy... you will always have somebody there to share it with.

It's not often to find someone who will brave the snow for you. lucky friend you have there.

***

hi dee, thanks for those kind words..i try to be a good friend to my friends..i feel lucky to have them with me.. i would do the same for you..ill ski the snow for you (even if i dont know how to ski, ill do it, if i know youre in pain or in danger,heavens forbid..) *hugs* Dee:-)