i am...

its university day tomorrow and wednesday.

normally id feel 'tired' thinking of the sessions and the uninspiring lecturers i'd have but its different recently. ( and the drive! the drive!... driving 51 miles is not a trek you want just to sit in a cold classroom and get lectures after lectures..and thats just one way.)

but not this time. i have been welcoming the thought of university blahness for the last couple of weeks.

id rather do something that takes my mind off things that is not productive of me.

like my present toothache.

im back on painkillers again.

i fear for my kidneys.

and my memory.

***

i miss so many people right now. i miss them, and most of all i miss my father.

i wish i had the chance to get him to me before he died.

he was the one who instilled curiosity about cool Britannia for me. my father was a booklover and he introduced me to the Beatles, Princess Diana, the monarchy, Queen and the Sterling pounds. He was also the one who taught me who Mary Quant and Twiggy were, as well as British films.

he would have loved being here. he would have hated the cold, but he would have loved being in england.

the year he died,2007, was the year he was set to travel to me. his passport just been finalised, (and the legality we have to undergo just to get it).

but destiny proved different.

he died before he could send off for his visa applications.

i feel emotional remembering it, but not sad.

i just wish i could have hugged him one more time.

***

who are in your thoughts right now?

***

photo: the London Eye from the other side of the bank..