The Social Network Diet

Kings Lynn one sunny Sunday.

**


My family and friends have asked why I haven't been visible much on facebook and instagram.  I was surprised myself because it wasn't a planned one.

It all started when I was in Cambridge a few weeks ago to do some systems training (the workplace has changed our software interface and added new features, thus all members of staff had to be on the training on a staggered basis. I did mine on the third week of August).

Cambridge is a good hour (and about 10 minutes depending on traffic) to drive to. Add another 2 hours driving back (peak hour traffic). The whole day was sucked up by the training and travelling.

On the third day of training, we moved to a different hospital which was so remote, there was no internet access.

By the fourth day, it was so liberating that you do not need your cellphone to keep updating yourself of what everyone is doing. Seriously, it killed my "nosy" side.

At the end of each day, I was exhausted from training and driving, all I could muster was the tagged pop up info on my page, and private messages. If you are like me, who like to start things from the very beginning and not start in the middle of your newsfeed, i kept telling myself that i shall update myself form the start of where i left off. (well, never happened. )


A few days after the training, i was starting to find I had more time to chat to people on the phone, and join in on after-work activities. I was finding I was able to cook fancier meals than i normally would. It made me realise how much time i spend on my social networks. And i tend to kill an hour each day just going through my feed each day.

I was hoping that at the end of the second week I will be able to go back to the gym, but that didn't happen (haha!).

My family tend to tag me on their posts, so its easy to go to their posts. So during these past few weeks, I have been a neglectful social networker.

This eventually lead to what I call the Social Network Diet, because I totally am not able to detach myself from social networking when most of my family are abroad. Diet, because I am trying to recoup my time back from sitting on the couch and try limit sniffling my curious nose on everyone's business.

It is liberating to know I could actually live without a mobile phone/facebook/instagram for an entire 12-16 hours. ( Since I moved to working in the community, I have had the blessing of being able to use my phone at a whim except when faced-to-face with a patient) which really indulged this bad habit.

By the end of the first week of not being as active, I felt "bleacch" to update. I felt nothing was going on in my life that interesting to share. I also felt that my mother and siblings are updated about me, and my girlfriends and I were still sharing on Whatsapp during all this time (we were trying to help an emotional friend), thus nothing crucial to share. I also suddenly had a weird over-the-top self awareness episode when i started realising what was happening. I felt, "oh shit, what was I thinking sharing those things online?". "Eww, how immature of me to write that". "Did i really need to post that photo?".  Everytime i wanted to put a photo on instagram, i had these weird thoughts stopping me. Eveyrtime i had the urge to post a facebook status, i had these thoughts screaming inside me. Weird.

On our last skype session, mama said she is happy to see me online, eventhough what i post are irrelevant weird nonsense, she feels happy that she could see I am alright (or not alright, but still alive,lol), it made me think, i need to get back into the action.

Its amazing what we get to learn as habits. It is so easy to be addicted to be online, and interesting enough, it may not be as easy, but it is not that hard to get off the internet if we really want to, or like me, unconciously detached from the internet due to work.

When one does this diet, you suddenly realise who are those that you miss most. (Its harder not to check on them when you are offline-- your family, and some special ones who are in some ways have been really kind and wonderful to little poor you). Those people, dear self, you keep close.  They are your gold nuggets.

**

Side note: I started reading blogs again, and fell in love with my old favourite bloggers and discovered new ones.

I am gifting myself more time here in my personal space. It doesn't matter if I have only two other people reading this space. Thats two more than me, LOL.x

getting in the mood...

..for blogging.

Oh dear! my brain has turned to mush since i have not written for a long time. not that i am claiming to be a spectacular writer/ storyteller (dear gertrude,no!), but as the age old saying that goes, "if you dont use it, you lose it", i do believe that the more you write, the more the 'language' centre of your brain gets developed. thus,whatever little skill i had in writing along as i think, is now totally kaput.

the most practice i have with writing (daily, from monday thru friday and sometimes the occasional weekend on-call work) are SOAP notes. SOAP notes are our clinical notes/report we have to write after every patient/ clinical treatment. [To give a more specific example:  S- for subjective ( " Seen patient for upper limb rehab. Patient consented to therapy..") O- Objective ( "Patient was assessed using thera-putty and upper limb sensory work, using texture for sensory integration..so on and so forth"). A- for assessment (Patient still has minimal sensation on right upper limb on dorsolateral part of her arm...etc etc.") P-for plan (OT to continue sensory integration using textures and upper limb domestic tasks..etc etc)]. Documentation which requires strict guidelines and the use of clinical terminology that disables interpretation, as each report are stored and logged in a national database (for patient's records) and which are liable to legal scrutiny. Hence, my brain's creative lingual part is so underused that i am craving to write and stretch that part of my brain.

the last few exchanges with Aileen and Ate Lou over at facebook, made me miss multiply, our old hangout where we write stories of our days/lives and anything that we deem worthy journalling and sharing to like-minded people. there, friendships grew, talents shared, skills developed. it was an amazing part of my growth over the years, being away from my immediate family. i found friends and allies over the internet. but because multiply is no longer, and together with some coaxing from Aileen (one of my idol bloggers) and Ate Lou (who also is another admired person and blogger) for me to blog more, my soul just wanted to jump out of where i was that time (in the living room, on my phone, with the telly on), and start pounding on my Mac keyboards.

alas, i could never concentrate and hear myself think when the tv is on. i also do not like the lights on in the front room for that matter. it made me tired and uninspired. i promised myself, i need to find enough energy to be awake and set myself up to pour my thoughts onto a blog, thus, last night didn't happen. i was tired from too much moving and handling paralytic patients. tonight, i made sure, we ate dinner early enough so i could fight my jetlag without the heavy interference of food weighing on my stomach. i begged Adrian to turn off the tv and go to bed and read from his tab. he did, bless him.

now,i have this room to myself. and i write...about how i got here.

i suppose the point is: when i am not sad, or emotionally crippled, or undergoing some turmoil, i feel whatever i think of writing will always be nonsense, or basic, or irrelevant, or all of the three. when one is melancholic, the distress of whatever drama one is in is enough to yank open the door of my "writing geni", and the emotional baggage will act as doorstop to its hinges.

so when i am happy, satisfied, no dramas, no turmoil: my trick would be is to have the distractions of whatever it is around me minimised, and hidden. i need to hear myself think. to coax the story out of my psyche and buoy it with feelings.

to listen to my chest beat the crap out of my words.

blechhhh!

*

shakespeare's workplace

the greatest misfortune

...is not having the hope.

the greatest fortune is finding you have someone who hopes the best for you, truly and honestly.


a good friend once advised me: "get rid of the suckers of your life. people who only are with you when they need your help, your advice, their audience."

better be alone than be in that company.

thus, i am thankful for those who are truly there when it really matters.

i am so thankful to three people in my life:

-Adrian

-Mama

-Kharla

these three have been my constant and are there even when they are suffering from their own little battles but are always willing and ready to give me back their time, their ears, their heart.

these three deserve the best in their life.

i pray for them constantly.


**

I thank the Lord for them.

Jotting my happies

Norwhich city ;-)

Things/events/people that made me happy the last few days:

- yesterdays jap lunch ( we overindulged as usual). sashimi octopus is yum!

-my niece today on skype saying "hi tita chelo, four na baya ko. good night and bye!" while she hastily interrupted my skype conversation with mama.

-Norwhich..shopping!

-my niece enrolled in kindergarten.

-(on skype) my niece, prepped by my sister about the impending bullies in school, her tita Ana said "what will you say when kids at school will call you "ahh you're fat!""..

Dominique flipped her hair and said "no, i'm gwapa and sexy". (Hahaha!)

Tita Ana: "but what will you do after"?

"be nice to them and still say "hello, and good morning!", Dominique said.

(well taught by the tita who went through the same thing in school like myself ,lol).

-make-up haul!

-Adrian indulging me.

-friends who leave messages despite their busy schedules and their troubles at home, just to check if im ok.

-tea and scones in my little cottage.

-Lydia and her family.

-seeing my old colleagues in facebook, who after all these years, never forget.

-Ana blogging.. because when i read her, i feel she's just near. (thank you Ana, i know you do it for me)

-Ana's lovely news about her creative endeavours.

-friends who are nice to my family. you know who you are. (what you do for my family, you do for me 100x).

-friends and family who are indulging in their passions. i see them travel, do well at work, finish long personal projects and still never forget to connect. i love that. thank you.

-Ruby back at the house.

-my brothers happy with their married lives. they are such loyal, loving men to their wives, i'm proud of them.

-my job. oh how i love it.  and because i know i'm very good at what i do. it just is my sanity saver from being too homesick.

-Adrian's family. they are lovely and such awesome loving people.

-mama. and she will be here a week from today. (yayyy!)


***

please list down things that made you happy the last few days. let's share notes.

grateful for these blessings.

when you miss when you shouldn't

let me first start this entry by appreciating the beauty of the weekend that we just had. beautiful weather,  lovely experiences with some awesome friends who came by to spend the weekend at our tiny home.

truly a beautiful weekend that was.

monday was a bank holiday, thus tuesday started as the first day of work. work is not really work when the company sends you to a three day training, and finishes early enough to come home to sunshine and finding your husband getting you a nice snack as a homecoming present and lets you 'nap' in the sofa, because he knows how sleep is a problem for you.

i felt really emotional all of a sudden, because of the beautiful weather, and the wonderfulness of the people you deal with day-to-day. i missed cebu, because our trainor was talking about how he lived in cebu for a a few months to dive. i was proud, of course, of my beautiful island.

then the drive back to home was passing by beautiful fields of flowers and hills and oh, just indescribably beautiful. i just miss the people i love, because i wish so much i could share this with them. (soon, soon).

then i realised, it must be the time of the month where my hormones turn me into a mush of dramatic emotions. i become such an emotional sop whenever i am hormonal. i crave for foods which could lead me to an early death, and i am missing my family more than i normally do, and i am missing some few people i shouldn't miss.

still, i am happy, i get through these emotions. otherwise, i'd be back to my 'focused, goal-orientated, robot-like-devoid-of-human-emotion' person i sometimes see myself to be. (ok, exaggeration on the robot-like, haha, but i can be very too focused on certain goals that i blank out all other feelings that could distract me.)

well,well, i am human after all.

**

thank you to you my lovely friends who still visit this blog, even though the cobwebs are evident and that the owner has been very neglectful to write down things.

lately, i have been very unmotivated to write things down but then my sister Ana has inspired me to write again. she told me in her email that she was writing again for me, to make me happy and to inspire me. how awesome is that from your much missed sister? *dabbing away tears* (and thank you to friends who support my sister in your own ways, whatever you do for her, you do for me 100x).

***

how are you,lately? 

caged..but in a happy way

(photo: a caged dancer in Taste of London Festival)

the weather is playing funny beans at the moment.

on wednesday, it gave us a taster of what spring is like, and although winter is so beautiful to the eyes, its a pain when you have to get up early in the morning to go to work and go visit patient's houses as a job.

(side note: although i go out and about for my job, and yes, it is a pain to be out in the cold, but because we live in the beautiful part of Norfolk, i get to visit the most beautiful cottages. houses and even manors that have amazing old ancient fireplaces. makes you pinch yourself if indeed you are in sleep and dreaming like a part of english books).

last night, just as adrian and i thought of having a picnic (and call friends) for a little picnic at the Sandringham grounds, the news dropped a bomber and forwarned us with snow showers. we thought, maybe it may not happen.

this morning, i woke up to frost in the garden again. it wasn't sad, but it's just the beautiful european weather telling us to wait for spring to finally stay and announce its arrival in full force.

for now, im cooped up in the house, in my dressing gown still. but happy that there is an unlimited supply of filtered ground coffee, cream tea and hot choco with mallows (my choice!) to run to when i have the chills.

for now, i'll enjoy this excuse to be indoors. read books that have been loaned to me from last week, catch up on emails, skype bestfriends..better yet, read blogs--and blog! 

keep warm, loves.

today, snow arrived.

... and boy, is it beautiful.

i wish i could capture the magic of snow's beauty on our village this weekend.

i pray it would still be snowing (safely) til the weekend so i could take photographs (if i wake up early enough,that is) .

***

and so it is christmas

..and it is very merry.

this christmas had so many flops and mishaps that enumerating them is now just defeating the purpose of this entry.

this christmas as i was working on the eve (trying to be good, so i am allowed a LOOONG leave next year..*please cross your fingers for me). (the only good thing was, work wasn't too hard on the eve. there were no emergency catastrophes, nor a mass stroke epidemic in the county, so we were allowed to leave an hour than normal home time, or they were. i guess, the more your responsibility is, the last you leave the ship, so i basically left just about quarter an hour than normal..LOL).

we had my stepson Mark with us for the christmas period and will be delivering him back to Essex on boxing day,where we are spending back London way where my brother-in-law's house is.

so on the 24th, Adrian picked me up from work, and we went home, had a drink in the pub. the boys stayed longer in the pub while i went home earlier than they did as i had to freshen up and cook some of the noche buena food.

we stayed up til 5 AM. watched DVDs and drank wine/choco drink and ate chcolates til we felt like bursting.

this christmas, i am thankful for so many things/events and people. (i will do a separate "thank you" post for the pressies that my lovely friends gave me because i cannot give it to them personally).

for now, some photos of the night we welcomed christmas..

noche buena for three. 

cheese platter, pigs in blanket, gammon, salad, crisps,

smoked salmon, twiglets, 

assortment party food: breaded prawns, prawn toast, dimsum, cold cuts, 

sausages and steamed prawns.

(and chocolates, and cakes)

christmas tree.

blessings and love to you all.. <3 nbsp="nbsp">

**

let me wish you beautful memories to build on for christmasses to come.

people

 

people. aren't we a funny lot? 

we are bizarre, a mindfield, a science experiment of a higher being (kinda).

personalities. what about them?

there are more than what meets the eye. i bet most of us have been judged one way or another based on what they hear from other sources or second-hand information, and sometimes the mood they are in when they see us. their prerogative definitely is of no consequence to us at all or we try not to, but when we think about it, it's definitely not fair.

you cannot really say much of a person until you have dealt with them personally and or have been a beneficiary (or victim) of who they are. i am quite lucky that i have been a beneficiary of kindness and positivity and support in my thirty-odd something years in life. and i have had a few misjudgement of character from one or two, but very rare, and gave me the once-bitten-twice-shy kind of result. you live. you learn. all good.

this blog entry is just to declare that i am just grateful for the awesome inspiring people you get to meet in this lifetime, may they be from work (colleagues/patients/clients), from life in general (virtual or physical) or others from universal conspiration.

my heart is touched by kindness. i am humbled and taught everyday by other people's "schamazeness".


postscript: awesome news from my family are just one of the many wonderful blessings i am having trouble keeping at the moment. they are concerning around: babies, engagement/elopement/or wedding (who knows?hehe), moving houses, travels, new jobs, awards.

who am i to grumble?

besides, being mopey is so 2010. happy is the new hipster.


*

{photo: taken on my "Strangers" series of photographs as taught by Taylor Wessing Portrait awardee David Graham}

commitment

 

 "we accept the love we think we deserve "-- Stephen Chbosky/ The Perks of Being A Wallflower

a comparative study

..or thereabouts.. of last year's and this year's birthday..

birthday 2011

birthday 2012.

*

i wonder what birthday 2013 would look like.

dont hold my breath. i might go back to the 2011 or beyond look.

the crossover

There was a time, many may moons ago, i was committed to be single forever, and be contented with life as a single, outgoing, financially independent career woman in-charge of her life, and to be with friends, male or female for my choosing to suit my carefree lifestyle.

Perhaps it was the heartache talking (from a traumatic betrayal), and the jadedness over how easily love and relationships need work and passion to be strongly built over time, yet broken overnight. Whatever it was, it was the focus. The conscious decision.

 I did not set out to meet Adrian. Sure, I was free, roaming the galleys of the dating world (virtual/physical), but i was not in the mood for a steady relationship. Romance,yes. Relationships, no.

Until a man who sounds and acts like that heroic, chivalric, antithesis to the bad-boy who broke your heart (and the many hopeless ones you kissed after him), arrives in your doorstep and grabs you in your waist , kneels infront of you and professes commitment and love and laughter in between, who wants to pass that up? It may not have not sounded as simple or overdramatized as that (in my experience, it wasn't and probably yours wouldn't be either), but indeed, when the chance meeting of the kindest, most charming and most intellectually stimulating person who can hold your defective attention span for far than anyone can, that was it for me. The deal-breaker as it were.

Ok, he didn't look exactly like the knight-in-shining armour in my dreams (and by far no means, i am disillusioned to think i was the replica of the pin-up poster girl on his fantasy bedroom wall,either) but if he makes you feel like you are the that girl with the perfect bouncy hair in the pantene commercial, or gave you the swagger like that lady who was chased by a group of hunky lotharios from the sexy music video you longed to star in---then maybe, this is it, the man who makes you star in your own romantic lovestory.

Fantasy feelings achieved aside, if you had a go at giving people who didn't make you feel half as important and half as beautiful as this one, what is there to lose? Your heart? I thought to myself, damn me, so be it if it breaks twice. If it did, at least the one who broke it this time around totally gave you some good self-worth due you.

But 9 years after, so far, so good. Ego intact, self-worth solid and marriage stronger. I am sure along the way, hurdles are to come, but i know many many years may pass, he'd still be that dashing lothario who i end up with, hand-in-hand, in that make-believe music video. Song title under debate, however.


*
this is a badly written entry to say, i'm glad i decided to get hitched. for i, never intended to.

getting married was a perfect present for myself, because in reality, my husband is my strength when i'm a bit undecided, my voice of reason when i am incoherent, and the meaning to why i have to be awake on dull autumn rainy cold days. he is.

and i, (without an iota of a doubt), am to him.

**

(post dedicated to those who are having their carrie bradshaw moment of "will i, or will i not?" )

purpose

lotus man...tamil nadu,india (2010)

listening to your calling,giving in to your purpose --is hearing out your own soul speak to you.

love where you are at

i do. i do.

i know i've only been here a year exactly a  week ago, but deep down my heart, this place had me from the word 'go'.

you know, i always have been taught that where you live, and who you live with affect our capacity to gravitate towards good things. when you live around negativity, and bad atmosphere, it will not only bring your mental wellbeing down, but it will also kick away the good energy meant for you.

i always thought i had it good where i was before. i loved our house (i still do, i miss my kitchen truth be told :-0) but this entire historical county has grabbed my heart hook, line and sinker.

i know Adrian and i will not be here permanently (because we own a house on the London border), but we plan on staying until all my family have visited *knock on wood* (that is the plan), and of course, until i have finished my rotational assignment.

i also think that i have matured as a person, and with the maturity afforded me, with it came the openness to receive blessings (people,love, affection,relation--- non-monetary) that head my way. the place, with all its visual trimmings, the charm and the people that come with it, the experiences attached to it, it just gets better. 

i could not ask for more. 

(except better health for my love ones, i must add) 

**

how about you, where you are now, and can you say it has given you the "oomph" to accept life's offerings?

are you willing to (physically) move/ relocate to get a healthier and refreshed outlook about your life?

or do you actually believe that a place has anything to do with one's capacity to receive good energy?

thoughts?

short story

on monday afternoon, after work,as i was just coming out of the changing room to change from our uniform to civies, my colleague asked me why i wasn't in shorts, (everyone seemed to know what the weather is like in the morning that they seem to know when to don shorts in the afternoon or not if its raining).

she, even in her 6 months pregnancy glory has the most beautiful skinny legs and our other colleague who had nice legs herself were asking whether it wasn't warm enough for me for shorts (because i come from a hot country?). i said, "no,i just didn't think of wearing shorts because we plan to go to the town centre after work."

she said "so?".

ok, i felt it was a bit too revealing to walk from the hospital building in my shorts to the car and where i could be seen by my other colleagues, but i lied "i didn't shave my legs". and that seemed to have shut her up (because all of them shave their legs/ a national pre-requisite in summer for all short-wearing female this side of civilization).

in truth, i do not shave my legs. i do not have/get hair in my legs at all. (logical, since i do not have much hair on my head, it would have been too unfair of God to have given me hairy legs,wouldn't it?) i pluck an odd hair every now and again on the lateral side of my calf muscle, but a very fine feathery one, the most. i just dont get hairs on my legs at all. (this is a positive,right?LOL). and i suppose,most filipina women dont, unless they have a mestisa blood (i know,coz some of my cousins do).

truth number 2--- i have no shorts to wear. i do not say this in "woe me, pity party-mode", because the reason is,all my shorts are quite loose at the moment and the last thing i want to do is keep buying clothes i have no intention of keeping. (wais si lumen!). i was planning on a shopping spree when i get to my goal (i am getting there, i promise you,i will!).

case en pointe, this photo. i wore my old shorts one warm weekend to a walk in the town.

these were mid thigh high shorts last year, now, its more "puruntong" .

in this photo, this was rolled in the waist to hold it tight and i have to not suck my stomach in (in fact i had to do the opposite), just so the short stays in place (haha)..

i regret going to town with it,because it kept falling off my hips. it was a great feeling: a reminder of some changes my body has undergone, but also, an accident waiting to happen, that you dont wish to occur having your trousers/shorts on your ankles in broad daylight in the middle of the town. (ahh,these things you only think of once you're out of the house).


but then again, maybe, its high time i should start buying shorts as summer seem to have shown its face (at last!). i am not talking about those micro 'pek-pek' shorts that i see on young beautiful skinny things,no!. i am just talking about those things that are non-denim, (or maybe denim),lightweight material, cut above the knee, or mid-thigh (enough to show some definition and separation between my quadriceps,and enough to leave dignity for a woman of my age,harhar). Shorts that can be seen that: a) i am orientated to the season.. b)i did shave my legs!

***

Addendum:


Some photos of me two years ago (August 2010)..in India and Dubai.

cute!..the elephant,too! ;-) PS. the elephant is the one lying on its side. the one washing it has no relation to elephant whatsoever.

in Dubai airport in 2010 waiting for our flight back to the UK. i could still wear the top until this day (fabulously loose as it was intended,haha), but last year, i couldn't fit into those linen trousers. now, those same ones (linen trousers) are just too lose for my sense of security (haha).. i chucked those trousers to a sealed box in a garage in london at the moment as it might be more beneficial to someone from my relatives who do not mind Marks&Spencer linen trouser hand-me-downs.


**

I enjoy looking at old photos of me before.. it reminds me to keep going.

how about you? what are you trying to get motivated with?x

cheated by summer

If you have been watching BBC news, you would know that the UK is in its wettest summer in history. In Wales alone in the month of June, it rained 24 days out of 30.

Norfolk has been spared of flooding (so far!), but some parts of England arent so lucky. One summer camp site in Wales had to have 150 people rescued from a flash flood, homes damaged and properties irrevocably lost. Same in the northern part of England. Flooding and even the worst kind of lightning has in fact resulted in a fire emergency.

Last year,when we moved to Norfolk in the late summer-start of autumn, it was boiling hot at that time and that we thought why summer spread out til mid October. December last year was mild,too.

Although Norfolk has been raining the past few weeks, i thank the heavens that we do not get to catastrophic levels (simbako!) and really after a heavy downpour,it manages to bring a few hours of bright sun until late evening. It's a heavy downpour for the entire day then after work time, i come out of the hospital with heavy anorak and jackets from the morning's downpour, i wait for my ride feeling stupid wearing rain clothing in the evening sun.

Overall, the summer that was to be (in my mind's eye) and to discover Norfolk for its possibilities have not materialised yet. But, I am grateful however that we are safe, alive and out of harm's way. With all the blessings that God has poured on us recently, a little storm can not dampen my spirits. Besides, im sure,sooner or later, this rainy malarchy will soon ride over then suddenly we get a full spate of the sun. Who knows. Not even the weatherman knows.


**

Some photos of Brancaster, Norfolk last November 2011.

and of course, a photo of my sunshine, whatever the weather :-p

**

How is the weather your end,folks?

about weight and losing it (a very long essay)

The Before and After Photos:

Older photos:

i must have been thinking : burger or sausage bun? burger? or sausage bun?

we were probably laughing at our cuteness,lol.

i was even 'slim' in my mind in that photo.

i thought i hid my bulges well. and that was hiding it.

no amount of expensive designer kaftans can cover my jellies up.

we're sexy and we know it (lol)

i must have been pregnant here. oh wait, i was never pregnant!lol.

MORE RECENT ones:

taken last month. i woke up and thought, "goodness, i am a goddess"

i felt great within myself taking this pic.

shattered from work,but what the hell,im slimmer, it needs a photo op!

this afternoon. just before i traipsed around town. all size 14 of me.

**

i think the best way to break a dry blog curse is diving in head first and getting dirty. when i mean dirty ,i mean being down pat to the most urgent and current situation that i'm in at the moment.

well, as most of u my dear blog readers (all thousands of you *hehehe*) know that i am in the throes of a weightloss mania. so far,im still riding the mania high. until how long, i do not know,but if it were just up to my good fortune, i will continue this till kingdom come. but then again, history says, i am not that good with maintaining what i started, this blog included (touche').

so far, im on my 9th month of this 'active/exercise lifestyle'. i started at 92.8 kgs and as of tonight's weigh in, i am 76 kgs. great? great! but there lies the divide. if u asked me years ago , 9 months to lose all these weight was too long. i was always a fan of quick schemes. the three-day diet/the three month super cut body. the overnight 2 pound weightloss. the 6-6 diet. the lose 10 pounds in 10 days, etc. (oh the yo-yo! i guess that can contribute surely to early diabetes, as fluctuations in sugar that quick is not good).

but all through these years, successful those diets/schemes may have been on me, they have not lasted, and they were painful. i had to sacrifice a lot. not eating at certain times, not eating rice, not eating sweets, not doing this,etc,etc.

alas! fast forward to being mature and much more resigned to 'health' than 'fashion/waif' reasons for dieting/exercise, i have found the not-so-quick scheme but a more doable and more enduring way to losing the excess poundage.

i am not there yet (hell,no!) and may not reach my size 10 UK dreams (thats size 6 US for you Forever 21 fans, bwehe!), but then, if at the end of this all, i have exercised all my cellulites out of my derrier, then maybe, maybe, i have succeeded still in my own quirky way.

so how did i manage so far?

here are some unsolicited tips for you who are planning to join me in this journey. (please do, exercise and losing weight the healthy way is boring on your own). PS> these are why it worked for me. So if you are like me, this may work with you,too.

-Tip 1) Ditch the "QUICK" word- Rome wasnt built in a day. So is the Goddess in you that's waiting to come out. Any self-respecting adiposa (fat, my dear lovelies) will always fight twice faster the time u lost it. The human body is not meant to lose weight for 2 pounds a week, but ok, i am with you when you think thats too slow, so maybe, let's make that 4 lbs a week. So that means, your means of losing the fats should maintain your water/fluid balance (you are not allowed to be dehydrated), you are not allowed to be ultra hungry (a little bit hungry is ok) ,thus, the other end of the spectrum of being overly-full is not allowed either.

Think of this as a lifestyle plan for lifetime. Once you get into this thing, you are into this hook,line and sinker. No turning back. Ok, period of rests are allowed but no more than a week, or else you are back to square one.


- Tip 2) Ditch the 'diet". what diet are you on? Anything that has the word "diet" attached to it, is never trustworthy. It normally is associated with tip number 1: the quick scheme. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe a pre-exercise snack is needed, go ahead. Do not starve yourself. The body will think that is your 'normal' so it stores your fats for safekeeping, but as soon as you attend the next meal invite by your girlfriends, or the next birthday party you need to drop in on, the body sucks in all of what you ate and will hang on to it for dear life. Be sensible. So you're hungry? Eat. Your stomach is growling? Make sure its not just gas, or else,the toilet is yours. When was the last time you had a meal? 4 hours ago? Go ahead. Have a banana if its not yet meal time. Ok, two bananas if you're really hungry. Add in a packet of skyflakes if it helps, but remember, you still have that dinner meet-up with officemates tonight, hala ka!

(getting into this mindset takes time. it is basically about habit-formation and retraining your brain. most big eaters normally just think they are hungry, so when we learn to train our thoughts that if its not meal times yet,we are not yet hungry, then it will get easier. if you know the answer how to do it, buzz me. this is also where i struggle).

- Tip 3) Move that bootey. Exercise, exercise, exercise, my loves. No two ways about it. I have been living in England approximately 9 years now, believe it or not, i eat lesser number of meals when i moved here and ate more veggies. And there was even a time, i had so little appetite, that i would only eat once a day, yet i was gaining more and more each time. Calorie-wise, maybe i was only eating 2-3T calories (maybe), but then again, i was sedentary. I was on my computer when i was at home, and munched on snacks. It all sits in the belly.

My brother's tip: (he's a gym instructor) is, a if you want to lose the weight: Exercise 4x a week at least,and do cardio exercises that gets your heart rate really fast. (more definite details on how to compute your HR at a level where you are most productive at fat burning on another time). The exercise should also be at least 45 minutes. To maintain, exercise 3-2x a week.

I *go to the gym (*aim) 4x a week. I would prefer to go 5x a week but my job is a very physically demanding job (i do rehab treatment on people who are paralysed so it somehow involves some muscular movement/exercise, so the 5th day is forgiven via the job).

I allocate 2 hours in the gym everytime. 40 minutes for the crosstrainer, 40 minutes on the treadmill (so thats 80 minutes cardio). and i do 20 minutes on shoulders/arm weights. and 20 minutes for changing/loo times/and vanity photography shots in the locker room (hahaha!).

i started out only with 15 minutes on the treadmill, and 10 minutes on the crosstrainer in the 8th of November, 2011. I only started weight-training on my arms a month ago. Your body starts to crave more. Your muscles gets used to the burn and it will crave for more, so you will build up accordingly.

Annnd! it doesnt have to be the gym really. It can be swimming, dancing or anything. I heard once, a Filipina actress who once was heavy-set lost all her weight when she decided enough is enough and got up every morning at the crack of dawn to do dancing. Yes, she just danced. Danced until she could not dance anymore. But then again, it has to be at least 45 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week to show results. How about swimming? Aqua aerobics, running, jogging, brisk walking (remember Charlotte from Sex and the City? she did brisk walking a few times a week in Central Park, why not go to your nearest park or your local subdivision, and do brisk walking? Doable? go ahead!). Cycling? Badminton? Cleaning your house? Exercise DVDs! years ago, i also lost a lot of weight before just doing Taebo exercises via a pirated DVD that was given to me as a present. But a few months after that, i got promoted in the radio station i worked in, and i got too busy to exercise, the moment i decided to stop exercising, i also completely lost all inhibitions in the dining table, thus why i am back to square one,lol).


- Tip 4) Realistic expectations..From yourself. If you are going to do an exercise plan and a food-restructure (i said the word 'diet' is not allowed,hah) then, do the things you think is more realistic to your kid of life/work/role. If you're a mom,with a job and kids, i cannot imagine you not eating together with your family as solution, so it lessens temptations because, being a mom, value-formation for your kiddos will always be priority. If you work as a nurse with shift work, having a meal-time plan should be stricter,so your stomach can adjust to what is doable for you.

When i started this journey, i knew i could not do "no rice" (besides no carbs is bad for you, it can produce ketones which could lead to kidney stones/ kidney failure). I could not do: slimfast/liquid diets (hell no!), and most of all i could not be vegetarian. so those are very unrealistic for me to do. I knew however, that i could make up by being 'active'. I knew that if i exercise (aerobics via DVD was the initial plan) a bit more, "lessen" the rice habit,and restructure the time i eat, and substituting, maybe, maybe, my mind, would cooperate. i jumped and tried doing it, and it worked. (so far).

today, i eat lesser rice than i used to. i eat according to my exercise. if i ate a lot, then i know i have to work my butt off, then i do. i still eat chocolates, rice (up to a third helping, yes!), ice cream, meat, and cakes, but hell, i know i have to whip myself more if i had a bar of chocolate that day. so its a compromise.

Ok, ok. so far, we know, exercise and a good diet works. But what am i teling you that you do not know already?

ahhh, the magic word : motivation. how do u/i keep it going?

it is a struggle. but somehow, i talk myself around it. but since i've already written a whole novel here, that will be chapter two topic next time.

see you in the gym, loves!


Another PS: see why you should take 'fat' photos of yourself? you need it for your "before" and "after" documentation (*lol).

this new life

today was quite hectic. just like the last few days since i started in this new life.

after work, adrian picked me up at the hospital to make it home and have some cup of tea before we head out for my dentist's appointment. it was quite unusual for me to be able to walk to the dentist's clinic and not have to drive. and for the dentist to chat with me and said,we have the same Lord for a landlord. it was supposed to be fun,if only i didn't have to be poked and prodded like a piece of meat and have my mouth open that wide for a very long time.

after the dentist, we decided to have a meal in the pub. i always suggest the pub because they're one of the few restaurants that cook a variety of meals (which has also some asian fare apart from the usual british food). Adrian had some savoury pie (gammon and sausage cream cheese potato topping) and i had my prawn curry (complete with naan bread and poppadoms). I love that they get the rice done right, so unusual in a British restaurant.


**

just last week, i was told i could not take my annual leave in one go. unlike the previous hospital where i worked,i could a month's leave in one full sweep. but because where i am, i am doing a rotation of sorts, i can only take a two-week leave tops in one go. i had to break the leave in bits and not in chunks. plus, because of the time i came in, i got the worst time schedules for a holiday. oh well, being in Norfolk is like being on holiday for me (for now).

saying that, this made me sad because i have (almost) 3 weeks annual leave left before April (which is another term of annual leave dates,which gives me another set of 5 weeks). now, Adrian and i are thinking where we could use this little bits of time to spend somewhere. its a shame to spend only a short time to travel long haul to cebu where fare costs an arm and a leg. portugal? paris? new york? (daydreaming of course!).

maybe our old home. i miss it,too!


**

on saturday, i was excited. i had whole day in London to spend money for the day. (my birthday money was spent on that day,finally). i bought myself new shoes (work shoes,though) and i also bought Adrian a pair (for his daily use).

i also bought some cosmetics (my Nars eye-primer is on its last pat), and a liquid liner from Nars,too. i went crazy, i also bought my current fave (D&G's The ONE parfum), and a Michael Kors Bag.

To think i was only there to buy the work shoes.

I hurriedly rushed home to entertain guests who needed to be fed. Crazy. Thats what happens if youre only at home in a very short time on a weekend.


**

here is Adrian. he is now a 'house-husband'. he is supposed to be retiring but it seems retiring is out of his agenda at the moment. he is busier than ever, and to top it all,he needs to drive me to/from work, and do the domestic works needed in the house (curtains,etc). thats part of his job description now and he also works from home doing teaching packages for two colleges and the Open University. when i got home, there were stacks of paper getting marked on the dining table.

but look at him. he looks more relaxed and happier here. he said,he cant wait for spring when he can start seeing some bulbs growing.

i hope i made the right decision. i keep asking myself uprooting my life here to Norfolk (for two years) is a big step worth enough for some lifestyle change. so far, so good. i wish it continues long.

this has to be said

for a long time this has been playing on my mind. not only because some people also went through it but through my own experiences as well.

the superficial things people say against us, our weight,height,skin colour and our 'look', may be an issue to people who do not know us, but people who do, they see beyond it, and look past it. its not an issue to them. if they do comment about it, its more about their concern about our health, nothing catty, not at all.

when people make fun of us to our knowledge, to make us joke-worthy because they think being 'fat' is a joke for their consumption, they are in their minds, actually making sense why someone would still be 'fat' when its not the 'norm' in philippine culture. they think by saying it out loud and vocalizng it think its actually funny. it may be..to those who are ill-mannered and ill-educated.

newsflash: we don't set out to be this weight. we don't want to be this weight, but there is obviously an underlying need to stuff ourselves with food. that is THE problem.the emotional eating is the culprit and the symptom (sign) is the weight. some people have overcome this need, this emotional eating (a great feat!), but some are still struggling with it, its a hard battle. anyone who has been on a diet and an exercise plan would agree with me when i say, its not an easy job and not everyone succeeds.

let me quote the beautiful actress, Mila Kunis (Live Magazine,May 15 issue) when she said "it took 5 months to lose 20 lbs for Black Swan, but 5 days to put it all back on" for her role in the said movie.

Ms. Kunis in her hollywood stature of physical trainers, gruelling regime of exercise and macrobiotic-thousand-dollar-per-meal chefs and staff, took such effort to lose the pounds and realized that it only takes a fry-up bacon and milkshake to put back all the hardwork to zero. what hope does that leave us mere mortals, whose schedules are impossible to attain a 5 hour day exercise training plan and cannot shell out hundreds of monies for kitchen staff that can whip up at our demand, a low-calorie-nutrionally-balanced meal?

by no means im saying to be healthy slim is impossible, because it is. but i am first to admit it is hard. a struggle for those who are battling an emotional attachment to food. it is an addiction, a sickness that needs addressing and ALOT of help and support from everyone around us (people we live with, people we socialize with).

my friend, P, who is recovering alcoholic said to me in a very empathetic tone that he knows what a struggle it could be. in his struggle for his addiction, he threw all the liquor in his cupboard, the shopping has to be done by his girlfriend (so he could not be tempted to buy booze), stopped watching tv (for fear of adverts of alcoholic drinks),and he used to say NO to any gatherings that involve meeting in places where he could order a drink, like in a pub or bar,for 6 months. Only it was recently that he slowly re-introduced himself to the world, going to the shops with his girlfriend,and enjoying a nice meal. His girlfriend (my long suffering friend,M had to stop enjoying a glass of wine in front of him too). Both their families do not invite them over for drinks, and their friends know that they're not being unsociable for the meantime, so they understand when they have said NO the past months for barbeque and dinner invites.

P said, it would be harder for people who are battling weight problems to go through weight management because you cannot totally eliminate FOOD in our lives. if he was able to throw the booze out of his cupboard and not see a bottle of alcohol for 6 months of detox, how can people go through the normal rehab procedure of eliminating food totally? people HAVE to eat. one cannot totally eliminate food from one's house/life completely.

thus, food addiction is a different devil entirely from all other addictions.

its a hard struggle and people can go through life not succeeding in this battle.

i know i have not yet. my relationship with food is that of attachment and mutual love. i live for food, and i get such a thrill from it. and to me, food should always be appreciated in its best state.

food means so much in the equation of things. in a party, the food has to be right and great for me to say i enjoyed a party.

the daily battle to win over the need to overeat is a constant daily slug. sometimes i win, most oftentimes, it wins me over. (although for the moment, i am not battling it, i am letting go for the meantime as i'm also busy with my thesis, and food has been my constant friend all throughout---my clutch,more like it).

so when i hear people making fun of other people's weight infront of the person,to make them feel embarassed about it, it angers and frustrates me. what for? why make fun of them and embarrass them?

it all boils down to education and knowledge.

look at these people who do that (comments about people's weight or appearance). normally, these people have not seen a back of a book, nor have they travelled to different parts of the world and has seen that there are 'other' norms out there. people do not fit in boxes, and people actually do come out of different colour, height and weight. and if they look/sound different, there are reasons for it.

most importantly, these are people who do not know us, our character and our skills and abilities.people who do, they actually forget about our weight on a day-to-day basis,but would tell us wholeheartedly when they feel it impinges on our ability to lead a good healthy life.

people who do know us, forget the shape of our silhouette and are attracted to the finer details of our person, our features,our personalities,our capabilities and our demeanor--what we can bring to the table, our relationship with them. our weight is just a number and has no measure to the 'fun' we bring to the equation.

so next time, you hear someone make a joke about someone else's weight and his/her friends laugh about it? please do me a favour. tell them to think of a better punchline.

(or maybe, punch the lines out of their giggles,lol)

**

(note: by no means am i an advocate of being overweight, not at all. i would love to be a healthy, average, size. i just hate bullying and prejudice in all forms.)

what gets my goat (when eating out)

i rarely rarely complain about service. because i know, things can go wrong, and perhaps i'm just on the receiving end of a bad day.

Adrian and i love our weekly restaurant hopping, and we oftentimes get some not-so-good service, but thats fine, as long as the food was good,and the manager or waiter apologizes for the delay, everything's forgotten.

the recent pub lunch we had, just reminded me what really gets me. its when people are not apologetic about a bad service.

noted, they are only paid staff. noted,everyone has their role. noted, they are short of staff,but then the arrogance when asked why food is an hour late on your table is PURE bad service. there is only a beautiful sunshine and endless buffet of salad can keep you occupied.


after fiddling with our thumbs for what seems to a be very long time waiting for our mains, i asked the manager (who happens to be walking past me), "hi, may i ask what's taking the food long? weve been waiting for 50 minutes now". i felt sorry for her at the moment as she looked rushed (i could tell,and that throngs of new customers arrived).

she quipped in a very non-apologetic tone " were really very short of staff today and its a holiday so,were getting alot of orders and the staff cant accommodate". duh!

i said " oh im sorry to have asked you question i have every right to ask.its just weve had 2 rounds of drinks already and yet we still are waiting for our main course". { for sure, you knew it was a holiday,you should have prepared for more staff, i wanted to add,but i didnt.}

"i'll check on your orders". the manager said and went.


the food came in after about 15 minutes. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

but it made me think, i wonder how she would react when the bill comes, and if i will take my time in paying and tell her "im sorry, we're short of money".


**

this incident just reminded me because i saw a friend on FB complained about service she paid for, which they promised but did not materialize. the internet service in question promised wireless connectivity to all rooms of her house (up til the end of her garden),when in fact,it only reaches her kitchen, and no more.

she complained to the company numerous times and yet there was no action on the false advertising.

she threatened not to pay her bills, but she got scared in the end as she didnt want to be harrassed by court orders. but felt cheated for the false promise of a service.

how sad.

consumers,like us,keep businesses,and companies alive by paying on-time and giving what is expected of us. the least these money-making establishments should consider is good customer satisfaction because really,the excuses they give, are so pathetic,that if we say the same things to them, we are liable to be sued on our asses.

its just NOT fair,is it?

{photo: beach wares sold by the beachwalk..munimuni by the sea}