The Social Network Diet

Kings Lynn one sunny Sunday.

**


My family and friends have asked why I haven't been visible much on facebook and instagram.  I was surprised myself because it wasn't a planned one.

It all started when I was in Cambridge a few weeks ago to do some systems training (the workplace has changed our software interface and added new features, thus all members of staff had to be on the training on a staggered basis. I did mine on the third week of August).

Cambridge is a good hour (and about 10 minutes depending on traffic) to drive to. Add another 2 hours driving back (peak hour traffic). The whole day was sucked up by the training and travelling.

On the third day of training, we moved to a different hospital which was so remote, there was no internet access.

By the fourth day, it was so liberating that you do not need your cellphone to keep updating yourself of what everyone is doing. Seriously, it killed my "nosy" side.

At the end of each day, I was exhausted from training and driving, all I could muster was the tagged pop up info on my page, and private messages. If you are like me, who like to start things from the very beginning and not start in the middle of your newsfeed, i kept telling myself that i shall update myself form the start of where i left off. (well, never happened. )


A few days after the training, i was starting to find I had more time to chat to people on the phone, and join in on after-work activities. I was finding I was able to cook fancier meals than i normally would. It made me realise how much time i spend on my social networks. And i tend to kill an hour each day just going through my feed each day.

I was hoping that at the end of the second week I will be able to go back to the gym, but that didn't happen (haha!).

My family tend to tag me on their posts, so its easy to go to their posts. So during these past few weeks, I have been a neglectful social networker.

This eventually lead to what I call the Social Network Diet, because I totally am not able to detach myself from social networking when most of my family are abroad. Diet, because I am trying to recoup my time back from sitting on the couch and try limit sniffling my curious nose on everyone's business.

It is liberating to know I could actually live without a mobile phone/facebook/instagram for an entire 12-16 hours. ( Since I moved to working in the community, I have had the blessing of being able to use my phone at a whim except when faced-to-face with a patient) which really indulged this bad habit.

By the end of the first week of not being as active, I felt "bleacch" to update. I felt nothing was going on in my life that interesting to share. I also felt that my mother and siblings are updated about me, and my girlfriends and I were still sharing on Whatsapp during all this time (we were trying to help an emotional friend), thus nothing crucial to share. I also suddenly had a weird over-the-top self awareness episode when i started realising what was happening. I felt, "oh shit, what was I thinking sharing those things online?". "Eww, how immature of me to write that". "Did i really need to post that photo?".  Everytime i wanted to put a photo on instagram, i had these weird thoughts stopping me. Eveyrtime i had the urge to post a facebook status, i had these thoughts screaming inside me. Weird.

On our last skype session, mama said she is happy to see me online, eventhough what i post are irrelevant weird nonsense, she feels happy that she could see I am alright (or not alright, but still alive,lol), it made me think, i need to get back into the action.

Its amazing what we get to learn as habits. It is so easy to be addicted to be online, and interesting enough, it may not be as easy, but it is not that hard to get off the internet if we really want to, or like me, unconciously detached from the internet due to work.

When one does this diet, you suddenly realise who are those that you miss most. (Its harder not to check on them when you are offline-- your family, and some special ones who are in some ways have been really kind and wonderful to little poor you). Those people, dear self, you keep close.  They are your gold nuggets.

**

Side note: I started reading blogs again, and fell in love with my old favourite bloggers and discovered new ones.

I am gifting myself more time here in my personal space. It doesn't matter if I have only two other people reading this space. Thats two more than me, LOL.x

the olde post office

some good news today! i woke up to find a letter thru the mailbox from the agent confirming myself and the mister as the successful bidders to the cottage.

so here as promised, are the pics of cottage.

**

the cottage was not ready when we viewed it. the backgarden was in chaos as the workers of the landlord chopped off the trees (Adrian and i wanted to stop them coz we would have loved the trees in the back),and was just about to landscape the backgarden.

Speaking of landlords, the owner/landlord is actually Lord Howard, a blue-blood said the agent, who owns half of Norfolk and has his estate rented to the public.

this cottage was the old post office, thats why the address will read The Olde Post Office, Castle Rising. cute, isnt it?

the upstairs was not ready, and the bedrooms had no carpet yet, and there were still missing windows, but you know,when you step into a property and you feel an instant 'home' feel to it? thats how it felt like.

the other house in the 'burbs which we liked too, was ready to move in, as soon as we wanted to, it had everything and four massive rooms. this cottage was not ready at all when we saw it, the carpets downstairs were shoddy, the upstairs were still exposed floorboards and garden a total mess, but Adrian and i fell in love with it. it is smaller in comparison to the house in the burbs (same rental price), this one has no cooker installed (which means Adrian and i have to buy a new one,too, which makes this move quite expensive more than it should) yet the feeling of making it a 'holiday' in norfolk than just a 'living-to-work' in norfolk as an idea is so much more inviting.


the kitchen in this cottage is tiny, yet i think, the real log-burning fireplaces, the reception room, the overall feel of the cottage won us over. (plus Adrian's dream of selling artisan organic breads by our doorstep while i'm at work is too tempting for him to quash,lol).

**

I suppose some things are just meant to be. I whispered prayers to God, who i asked guidance and answers for everyday. i know i have been very doubtful about this move (this new job in far far away Norfolk from my home), but whenever i feel down and skeptical on some things about this sudden life-change, something happens that really tells me, this is it.

so yeah, this is it.


**

photos of the Olde Post Office (photos taken by my canon g10. i wasnt able to bring my DSLR that day, as we were too busy walking in and out of houses,there were just no time to log about a heavy camera).

when we move in, more pics to come of the newly organized backgarden. (altho Adrian said, do not hold your breath about their 'promised landscape', their idea might just be evened-out grass..i thought, i do not care, i'm willing to live in its present condition now)

**

the small cottage...

those picket fences will be white in a month's time.

at the foot of our garden is the hill, where the castle is seen..'muni-muni',here i come

the bricks and stone is local to Norfolk, i forgot what they call that kind of sanding..

its a tiny cottage, but its bigger inside, 3 bedrooms upstairs, a dining area, a kitchen (small kitchen,though, something i have to get used to) and a big nice lounge (with log-burning fire)

a closer view to the back..i think it would be nice to share afternoon walks there, up the hill to the castle, and blurt 'he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not' litanies..

my sister Ana who will be visitng me next year with Mama said, her Jane Austen fantasies might come true in this place (im sure!) and my bestfriend Kharla who loves solitude and reflective silences would cherish to be in a place like this..even my hiking buddies would love this place..this village is a wonderful hike trail.

a cottage that hopefully would be home to me and adrian while i work.

a 10 minute car-drive to/from work.

the idea of being on-holiday-and-working at the same time makes this move a gentler move than the big blow it was supposed to feel. I am one for being rooted and finding home.. when it took me years to get adjusted to where i was, here again, was an opportunity to land my dream job, yet i had to move far away from my present home.

i think this cottage and the village will be kind to me..because this was an answered prayer.

i showed these photos to my family in FB the day we went there, and my brother said "nice sya, but murag dako dako gyud mo'g silhiganan," hahaha, commenting on the chaos from the garden.. the reason why we could only move on the 1st of october is because Lord Howard wanted to do work in the garden before we move in. [i would love to meet Lord Howard and get a portrait of him],lol.

**

thank you for being excited with me. you know who you are! ;-)

the village

adrian and i found the village we wanted to live in in the countryside. it was a toss up between a bigger house (which could accommodate guests and visitors) and was 5 minutes walk to the hospital, or a small idly cottage in this wonderful village. it was practicality vs. heart. The bigger house was ok, but the neighbourhood would just look like where we live now, a cul-de-sac in the suburbs while this small cottage we also wanted was in the heart of a tiny ancient village in the town's history.

our hearts won in the end.

we applied for the house/cottage in this village. but its not definite yet whether we get it or not, because there is another person who applied a day before us. the good thing was, we brought in our documents the very same day we applied and paid the lawyers fees and application fee in cash, while the other person was still waiting for his cheque to clear. We have one foot ahead of him. We just pray he will not push through in the end.

These are photos of the neighbourhood we wanted to live in. The photos of the house/cotatge will soon be blogged if we hear any news from the estate agents (hopefully the end of this week).


[note: my gulay, the renting documents and ceremonies you need in this country is atrocious. it feels like a massive criminal investigation, too. the thing is, Adrian and i have not experienced renting, so we do not have a word or letter from a previous landlord, so we need more documents from Adrian's work, and my work to give to them (rental agents). Although on Friday,we brought in our documents from bank statemens, proofs of address, passports, driver's license,etc, the letters from previous landlords, employer's testimony we are still trying to get hold of this week. so the contest is still on. may the best tenants win!]


**

the name of the village is Castle Rising..its made famous by the hill which has a castle on it

the only pub in the village.. its a pub smack in the centre

a tea house which also serves homecooked meals

the Unique tea room..

the barn which is also a boutique..it has a dental clinic on the side too.. yes, everything is very 'countryside-feel'..

the name of the boutique which sells shabby chic interiors is called Unique too.i m sure the owner also owns the tea room..

thats the mound of the hill, where you see the top of the castle..i havent been yet, but if were lucky enough to get the cottage we will surely visit it.

the tea house..this was the facade.taken from the garden..

more of the Unique barn-cum-store-cum-dentists clinic

this is the Arts and Craft centre of the village..(something to investigate what they have here)

the village green where horses are grazed and let loose..

this picture was taken from the gate of the cottage we wanted to rent..this would be the view from our gate if we get the cottage..

a view of a rising Castle..historic little village this one.

**

we applied for the cottage in this village,and we are waiting for news that we are getting it, by early next week. so for 1 week, Adrian and i will be staying in a little B&B in the side of town while i work for a week.

**

I kept praying for the cottage to be given to us, but like what my mom told me, if its not meant to be, it will never happen, as long as ive tried my best to get it, then i can say its meant for someone else..

by next weekend, you would know if we get this village, (a 10-15 minute drive to my work) or a very suburban detached house 5 minutes walk to my work..either way, both are win-win..

**

how are you, my loves?

**

[EDIT: the new bloglook just so matches the photos from the village,noh? i hope it is a sign,lol..

many thanks once again dearest Patricia for your work and excellent skills..im officially a FANCY GIRL]

an aviso for an aviso is a must

{photo: lovely tabletop centrepiece decour, at the Laurent Perrier Champagne Tent,at last year's London Taste Festival}

The Human Resources department in the new workplace has definitely messed my schedules in the biggest way possible. And not in a good way.

On the day the job was offered to me,the OT department people asked for a date when i could start soonest. I calculated and estimated, and answered the 19th of September.

The HR department required some documents from me, so I went to see them a few weeks ago, at the same time looked at properties we could potentially rent for my 19th of September start.

But!... after talking to the HR lady officer,I was told that my starting date is NOT the 19th of September as they still need to process my criminal records check (CRB check, equivalent to an NBI background check), which could take at least 3-4 weeks.

I was astounded because it only means my start date will be pushed to the middle of October. So it meant, the properties that were for rent which we viewed that day and liked/loved,will not be available by the time we were ready to rent it. The HR lady said "its not clear what date you will start but it will be around that week of October, and you will be notified by us, when", in between sips of her tea (the cow!).

A little bit deflated that day, i went home but soon recovered because i thought i could use some chill-time and do odd jobs here and there and see girlfriends before i go move counties.We also calculated and rejigged our plan to look at properties again at the end of September, and move in the first week of October just in time for start of the work. (we thought!)

Yesterday, I received a phonecall when i was on the train, the OT department telling me they're looking forward to seeing me on Monday, the 19th. Gasp. *S%^*@£!!!*. I do not have a house yet, no furnishings, nothing. Thinking, it was too soon to rent a place when I am not working there yet. Wrong!

{Some questions looming from yesterday: why did the OT department not talk and communicate to the HR department? Did the HR people, in their lackadaisical attitude think they can do this to all wide-eyed-eager-newly-hired employees like moi? What to do!!}

My brain went on overdrive yesterday and my supposedly leisurely afternoon for myself, became a panic contact to all home agents in Norfolk to arrange house viewings as soon as possible in Pret-A-Manger cafe between furious bites into my chocolate croissant and truckers-sip of my cappucino. (Lady-like goes out of the window when stressed,me!)

I wanted to throw a tantrum and be angry but the thought of being angry makes me tired, so i decided to just mope about this for a few days and get over it.

So today, Adrian and i bought a furnitures for a whole living room and diner/kitchen for a house we have yet to see, and still have no clue whatsoever whether it would fit the sizes of these furnishings. Not the way i wanted to do it, but time is so precious and so little we had to resort to going the other way around.

Apparently, some situations call for you to go via the backdoor to get in.

But it doesn't make me a happy bunny. I am not good with dealing with other people's miscommunication to myself and I am suffering the consequences of other people's inaptitude for the job they are supposed to do.


But then again, i heard of serendipity. Some accidents may turn out great.

If it is, there'd bloody be a John Cusack look-a-like at the end of all these mishaps.


**


Anyways, enough of my old-woman whining.

here's hoping the winds are gentler down your parts.


have a serendipituous week, my lovely friends..



**

PS. I am loving the new look of my blog. I'm sure you do,too.

its done by the super talented Fancy Girl Designer, Patricia Alix-Villa. Awesome designer, mom and friend.

anchored

It seems i will not miss my usual joints after all.

Adrian and i have decided to NOT rent out our house and we just come home every weekend. So by Friday evening, i'm back to our comfy kingsize bed and green rococo bedroom. We will just rent a small place in Norfolk for the meantime while i'm working there.

Well the decision to not rent OUR house and come back home is only a temporary decision and will be reviewed after 6 months of being in Norfolk. Until we find we are adjusted there and having a circle of friends,maybe then we will rent this place out.

The decision therefore will have an impact to our lifestyle. We will live frugally for a year or so (as if we aren't doing so already!) (since were paying for two bills: electricity,gas,cable,water, council tax for two houses + rent in Norfolk), just so i could complete this rotation.

Such an amazing sacrifice on Adrian's part, just for my career advancement.

I married a wonderful person.


***

Adrian's reasoning: the short term sacrifice will lead to a more long-term advancement.

I keep repeating that in my mind. Just in case i get scared and bottle it out.

But no. I wont.


***

New position means no annual holiday leaves until after 6 months.

This is my biggest sacrifice of all.

I am thankful that my brother and his girlfriend are kind enough to postpone their wedding to next year for mine and Adrian's benefit. Such selfless people, my brother R and his girlfriend S. But my brother has wonderful plans for the following months so he has his hands full.

I am sad that I am foregoing going home, and I am officially breaking my being-home-in-the-Philippines-every-calendar-year-rule but in the current climate of employment in the UK, id sure miss my job if id lose it.

This has been the BIGGEST reason stopping me from taking on this new job. But back to Adrian's statement, its just a short-term sacrifice.

The person who said being an adult is easy was a liar.


**

whats the news on your part,my loves?

dignity and honor

these two virtues sit side by side, yet quite elusive nowadays.

our forebears have taught us that without it,we are merely mortals barren of souls

there is no price for these qualities, in fact quite the opposite

if you sell your honor, your name is shamed

your dignity shattered

whatever it is, i want to remember all those who have gone before me

those who fought hard and died for their truths

and not treaded on someone elses

its a shame if i become a warrior with no cause

because each day, i fight to have a clean name

by respecting myself and those i'm surrounded with

its not a perfect life but on a personal level,

id rather have

my honor upheld

my dignity intact

than walk around with a

big SOUL SELL-OUT sign on my forehead.

but then again, whatever floats your boat.

**

inspired by the events in my life: there is no price to a good name,a respected character.
i will not be bribed in exchange for my dignity.

to explain further: if a colleague gets upset because they have asked you to do something against your principle, say NO..its hard, but say No and the truth:why [even if it entails them giving you the hard time at work day-in and out; the sulking the cold shoulder, the evil looks]..its hard to cover people's assess all the time, but always think, these same people will not testify for you when the time comes, you're saddled with a lawsuit for doing them (covert) favours.

{photo: taken in November 2009..during the Jewish war memorial held at Whitehall.}

in a day's work

i am still in quandary where im specializing in therapy. the last few years, stroke rehab, paediatric and adult learning disablilities seem to be in my top preferences. right now, mental health is really giving me second thoughts as i am enjoying it at the moment.

for a long time, i work in amputee rehab, but i was sidetracked when i was called to work in stroke then paediatrics.

and yesterday, i was really in a confused state. if i tell you whats in a days work for me yesterday, you'd know why:


9:00 AM - a review of a client's therapy outcomes. whether it worked or not. and there you'd know feedback first hand.in this part, you either get alot of compliments, or not so much, or a complaint about other professions involved in their treatment.

10:00 - helping a client's 'advance directive'. its like a medical will. where one writes down on a legal document what ones needs are: psychiatric medications, symptoms when they become unwell, or who to call when they are unwell: example who to call when they are on top of a building ready to jump, or in a suicidal threat that could harm others.

its amazing their candidness about their illness,and how they laugh about it.

11:30-1:30- a community social skills group. a lunch at a local restaurant. with 7 clients and two therapists, myself and H. its basically to get over agoraphobia, lessen social anxiety and incease confidence in social situations.

we met with at a local restaurant and had glorious conversation with the clients. some are getting better than others, some, are still slowly progressing.


2:00-4:00PM - digital imagery (back in the centre). the day before (thursday) the group met up at a local park for the practical sessions, where we took nature and wildlife photographs. (the first week was architectural and urban shots ).

the conversations and the interaction from my group was hilarious. and so humbling and goodness do i learn alot from them.


i left at 5:30pm as i had to score each client on my notes (it has all to be functionality and symptom based) and write down outcomes. theres alot of paper shuffling in this job, thats the only part i occasionally dislike.


**

conversations from the lunch:

the head OT,H, who was co-facilitating the group with me talked about pets. she knew one of the clients J, a stay-at-home mum who is into animals, has a mini zoo in her backyard. she has chickens, pigs, cats,dogs and duck pets.

they talked about J's ducks for a bit, and how one her ducks is so funny,as she has been housetrained.

one the clients from the community social skills group, is T ,who used to be a hotel chef, said to H and the group, "you wouldn't believe what i saw the other day. a woman was driving with her car and a duck was sitting on her shoulder. I was so taken aback but no one seemed to have noticed it except me".

J, said, "it must have been me, coz my duck does that when im driving"

the whole group laughed. T said, "no, it wasnt you, im sure it was just me, but im not sure. but the lady was driving a blue Volvo"

J said : "thats it! thats my car!" .

the whole group including myself and the head OT was in hysterics, especially when T added "thank god for that, i thought i was hallucinating again, i had to ring my mum and ask for a reappointment with my psychiatrist".



****

conversations in my group in the afternoon..

one of the group exercises after learning changing the levels and contrast on their photos, was a group exercise (in pairs) of critiquing photos using good photographic elements: composition, framing, rule of 1/3rds, contrast and saturation, exposure, and focus.

i had to show them a slideshow of photos (taken from google images--just google 'bad photography', there are thousands that will pop up) and some of MY own bad photos (you know those that should be in the bin) to be critiqued using the elements . its for them to get courage to pair up with someone and speak their mind.

my clients are so talented and skilled, but they have no confidence whatsoever,and have little self-esteem. and would not speak their mind. they would run away from situations like it. and if they couldn't run away, they would end up in a mess.

i was showing them a photo that was so busy and underexposed and badly focused. i let them discuss with their partner and talk about the photos elements and critique each photos.

i encourage them by saying "what is wrong with this photo?.."or what do you think should have been done to this photo?" one by one, said, "its underexposed". one said"its not focused" the other said "the image is blurry", the youngest one who is one of the shyest (and who wouldn't say anything to hurt a fly) said "i would delete it". when he said it, i felt like i just climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. (and we also had a good laugh after he said it).

you can see the sense of overwhelming relief every time they say they speak their mind to the group. and mine.


***

of the clients in my photographic class is a graphic designer. he brought his laptop for the class. he said to me, he uses photoshop CS5 (when he saw i'm using CS4 on my laptop). he said, if i want it, he could install it on my laptop. that was a big bold step from him being poorly confident. so i couldn't really discourage him, but it was unethical to receive any gifts from clients. i said, i actually have a Macbook which i use for my editing. he said, "i have the Mac version too". uh oh, it was a dilemma to say No to his efforts of coming up with an offer.

i said "thanks, i would love to, but i will be slapped on the wrist if the bosses knew i accepted it from you." i explained about patients ethics and such. he was jolly about it, but damn. free download of CS5 would have been lovely.

propriety, honour and integrity is so important in this country, and it is good practice too.

{photo: ice cream vendor at Kanyakumari, Tamil Nadu. India.}

christmas shopping

i had an oops! should i have, or shouldn't i have ? moment today.


during my creative activities group this afternoon, while doing our activity (flower pot painting), i asked the members whether they have done any of their christmas to-do list; ie shopping and decorating, during one of those awkward silent moments...

one of the women,M, who was a regular attendee didn't answer my question. a few said "nope, i haven't", a few said, "some bits here and there, a few christmas pressies covered, etc".

the assistant K, said to me after the group session ended, that she was trying to catch my attention when i was asking the question. M was apparently feeling sad because two of his nephews died recently in October, and apparently was saying that she is not looking forward to christmas and just want's to die.

i was shocked. i said "well, no one has told me that, and i sure have not seen it on her notes".

the assistant said, "well, she doesn't talk about it, and she only told a few people in the centre" (probably the head OT and her psychiatrist). i felt bad and apologised that i wasn't able to see her/the assistant's signals. not that we talked at length about it as this group were more or less have depressive symptoms and some have anxiety disorder, they hardly communicate in a group setting. which explains the need for us to create a very social atmosphere and using a medium (art) to increase focus and concentration on productivity and distracting them from obsessive negativity. so there was no lengthy discussion on the matter.

i apologised for not seeing her signals, but i didn't apologise for asking the question for the reasons:

1st) there was no way i would know about it if it wasn't written on the notes. no one tells me the recently divulged warnings or risks, when i've only started 4 weeks ago, so i didn't have ongoing rapport with M.

2) someone could ask her the same questions relating to christmas when she's out in the public, or all she had to do is watch TV at home then she will know its that time of the year, she has to get used to time-appropriate questions. (its not like i asked a random question, say about, World War 2..and it brought memories of her dead relatives,or something. the question was time-appropriate and anyone could have asked her that).


I observed now that some people's way of treatment is molly-coddling which i think does not benefit the clients. i think for therapy to work, it has to be relatable to the outside world. if we tiptoe and cover all the people in the centre with cotton wool, they might as well stay in a mental hospital as they would be molly-coddled there, and get institutionalised in the pretend cocoon.

in the real world,people will ask awkward questions, people will make fun of us, people will make insensitive comments, people will make abrupt remarks, and if their mental state is fragile for these comments and questions, and not taught how to deal with it, then they will not be able to cope with life, in general. they should be taught proper way of dealing with it.

assertiveness training should be taught,and also combatting negative thoughts. its not accepting that these comments are right, and in no way am i advocating for people to be push-overs, but knowing which topics needs their serious energy or approaching problems head-on but with a more rational calmer approach.

stewing on something in your chest,or your mind,can lead to serious problems. it will be a bubbling to a point one could explode. one can only take so much, its best to let out some issues in a manner that doesn't make one look like a twat, excuse my language.

i believe, M benefitted from me asking that question to group. it not only let her practice in dealing situations like that in public, but it also made her see, that is indeed almost christmas and she will never get away from probing questions relating to the season,whether she likes it or not.

how she feels with the question will never change. but how she deals with the question will be her assessment if she's benefitted from our therapy.

**

if i had to react every time someone makes a comment about fat people and other stuff that would relate to me, i would have no energy to do other things.

one of the best things we learn as we grow up, is learning to sift and to manage which comments take to heart,and which ones goes in the bin.

and selfish as it may sound, for my sanity, all the frivolous comments made by people i do not know, should not matter. unless they're people from the health department, now thats another story.

(needless to say, family, and love ones' opinions--now those you take to bed with you. but then again, only after some considerable sifting too.)

**

now let me ask you this question: how are you getting along with your christmas to-do list?


***

{photo: shop window announcement, oxford street, august,2010}

the PaDI group

where i am is tough. great, but tough.

the first week i was there, i was asked to organise a therapeutic group which uses an activity to alleviate symptoms of mental health illness.

sounds great.but its not as simple as ABC. i dont organise a group just for the sake of.

i have to justify the therapeutic aims, goals, use of an outcome measure, and of course, i have to reason out the use of that kind of activity to use the activity as assessment tool (which means, when they're doing the task, they are being observed/discreetly of course, and outcomes are measured before and after each session to see if there were a therapeutic justification).

and be original.


if you are familiar with psychiatric dysfunction and Occupational Therapy's role, then you would be familiar with alot of arts and crafts, and recreational activities used as an assessment tool in a group. so what else could i do?,me thinks.

there already is a creative writing group. there already is the creative arts and crafts and the cookery group.


so PaDI was born. Photography and Digital Imagery group, my project.

two and a half weeks of research, working out the logistics, writing the aims and objectives, and client-centred goal assessment measures. basically, blood, sweat and tears for someone who has little time as me.


its a 5 week therapy group, 2 hour session every Thursdays and Fridays, composed of 5 clients ranging from different diagnoses, ranging from bipolar, anxiety disorder and depressive mood disorder , clients whose functions have deteriorated due to their illnesses.

the clients are so diverse ranging from a graphic designer (M, a mid 40s female), a games entrepreneur (E ,early twenties male), a published photographer (T, male in his 50s), a nurse (D, an early 40s male) and an admin executive (S, a late 30s something female), or they were before illness got to them. previous roles which they are unable to undertake due to breakdowns in their mental health. which means they are highly functioning individuals, they live in their own homes, but come to the centre for these therapies. they are just unable to perform previous roles due to crises in their mental abilities, so they cannot perform their jobs, their roles as mums, or they are socially isolated due to their anxiety to go out, and totally have left them without any self-esteem.

so why would a published photographer want to be in a basic photography course ran by me (who has just learned to know which button is which on my camera?) why would a graphic artist want to learn digital imagery every friday afternoon?

first, because they are unable to do so this moment in time. they have lost capacity to do the simplest of task. and secondly and more importantly, the goal is to develop social skills, decrease their anxiety /panic (and meltdowns) in social situations/groups, develop self-fulfillment and re-learn or learn new skills (if they haven't already) in a fun learning environment. these people forgot somewhere,somehow, how to have fun.

(bored,yet?)

these people were handpicked to join this group because they are at a level they could understand the medium used, and are able to follow through the sessions in terms of learning and to manage their time and have a higher level of problem solving and routine. (although i also handle a lower functioning group, those who dribble and pick their nose in the middle of the table, or come to a shop wearing their undergarment on top of their clothes? but they are in my coffee morning group--basically to learn social norms and propriety and follow through simple day-to-day routine).

plus, these people also are interested in photography, to be asked to join, as it would be no use if they find the group uninteresting and has no meaning to them. (e.g. a person who is depressed and who is not interested in arts and crafts would not be asked to join the glass staining activity group, because they would end up killing themself out of boredom if its not something they would want to do. it will just depress them more).

all my 5 clients are interested in photography and its something they could relate to either because its job related to them, or something they enjoy. so we use it as a therapeutic tool.

two and a half weeks of hard graft on the research, making the structure of the sessions, has commenced today. doing my lesson plan and researching photography books, interacting with them and asking the clients to come to the sessions, and preparing the equipment needed, have today come to a head.

so far, today was a first day success.




this was us today making the most of the afternoon sun to do the practical session.


the OT assistant who was observing said,she saw some mood improvement and interaction between the clients. that alone is a testament how photography can be very therapeutic.

my clients are interesting and creative people. and it can get intimidating because some of them are more learned and more qualified than me, but i am not there to make photographers of them. i am there to facilitate a therapeutic activity to aid them in alleviating their symptoms ,and hopefully they will use recreational activities like these to relax them and give them the instant lift.


tomorrow, friday will be computer use/downloading of their work, putting them in files and naming files. simple as that.

a little digital manipulation (cropping, levels, curves and temperature adjustment on photoshop), nothing scary, just for them to get some sense of accomplishment of doing a task that they get to complete, whilst learning at the same time.

and they will have to share and talk about their work, and need to get into interacting, asking questions,and critiquing their own work. they are not critiquing others' work because this should be fun, and not competitive. ENJOY is the buzz word in the centre,if i may remember,and thats how photography should be.

the number of 5 clients is just perfect too, for the time allocated, and the attention i could give them for a one-to-one,if needed. just right

today, it was raining the entire day. i was rushing in the morning, and there were accidents on the road which got me stuck in traffic when i planned to be earlier than normal so i could prep for my group, but alas, traffic got me.

but you know what, i was blessed. by 2 PM, the rain stopped, and sun came out. it was still cold yet it was dry and there was sun, that was just pure blessing for our first session.

and it rained again by 4PM just as we were just going back to the centre to wrap up the session.




and after 5 weeks, there is an exhibit of everyone's works in the foyer of the centre and a graduation of some sort for undergoing a Basic Photography course.

and i cant believe, its my name signing them off on that certificate.

talk about sense of accomplishment, this is more of my therapy as much as theirs.


**

its alot of hardwork and brain scrunching (and fun too).

but i think, i will come out a better and more confident as a clinician after this.

well, let's hope so.:-)

what we need is LOVE

as cliche as it may sound, we all do need to feel we are loved.

eversince i've started specializing in mental health work, there are so many of the clients i work with whose illnesses and symptoms exacerbate when there was the threat of losing the love they have or lost their self-worth because of a trauma that they felt all love has abandoned them.

sad, but the reality is, when we feel our life experiences, (past or current) can jeopardize this protective emotion for ourselves, our mental health is affected.

one of the clients ive assessed, was a handsome man in his 40's who used to be a successful businessman. he had a big trauma of a road traffic accident, and ended in ICU for a few weeks wiht 50/50 chances of survival. but none of his family saw him nor visited him (they didnt know how to deal with it), his partner left him whilst he was in hospital, and his only brother texted him to tell him to not bother to call. ouch! he felt as if he had no one, no family, no girlfriend, no friends (he withdrew from them, as he was scared he would lose them too). he lost his confidence,and his self worth was rockbottom, and now he is depressed and has lost his business as he was unable to deal with the public. now,he is well physically, his stitches have healed, his spine fixed, but his heart and soul just shattered to pieces.

all he needed was a hug from his love ones. he had so much anger and pain, he wanted his world to end.

i just wanted to hug him, and tell him to wake up and smell the roses. but of course, he couldn't see that yet. or better, call his family and tell them to get their gear in act. but i am not allowed that either.

his friends should have come around, and visited him no matter the amount of refusal from him to not see them. (my friends in this country do that, i'm so blessed that i have friends who will break down the door if i start refusing relentlessly to not see them. unusual really for their culture. but it happened when i was so down when my father died, my friends arranged with adrian so i could go and see them. im blessed with a family too that never wavers. and of course, my friends back home in cebu, wouldnt wait for me to say NO to them, they would just come over and drag me by my hair if i even dare to think of not coming, so i could have fun,haha...counting my blessings today because of that).

his friends, should have made sure,he was ok. and made him feel even more loved. his family should have too, but for some reason,there are so much going on (emotionally) they werent able to.

i feel sorry for him, because he lost himself,when he thought he didnt get the love he wanted.

and my job is for him to be able to function to his best potential in society, and in his day-to-day activities as a person. yes,he will still be mentally ill, depressed and anxious, but then,he could start reintegrating to society and be able to perform his duties as a man/businessman/son/brother/friend.

there is hope.


and he is only one of the hundreds that we see in the centre who fell ill because of the loss of love.


***

you can imagine the rollercoaster journey of my days. one-to-one assessments with a person, can be tearful, uncomfortable, sad, and all emotional. but when it comes down to treatments, we do groupwork-type treatment ranging from creative activity (glass painting, collage making, etc, mostly craft-related), creative writing, relaxation treatments, or a coffee group which could mean many laughter-enducing activities and some real bonding moments. in a day, i could feel so sad (because of the stories i hear from a patient's life story) and in the next treatment, i could be happy as larry, enough to think that i could be the same as my bipolar clients,haha.

it is indeed hard if one has no rest nor focus. i could end up needing therapy myself. so i disciplined myself to get enough rest, and not to forego sleep (we always tell clients to get enough rest as it could be a trigger for a relapse of their mental health) but instead prioritise it.

(i have to remind myself to talk about my experience of facilitating an Anger Management group; how scary were the revelations there. it made me think, that there's anger, and then there's ANGER. it deserves a separate blog).

i promised myself to balance as much as i could, and put blogging as the bottom of my priority for the next few weeks, but i also promised myself, to make me a happy bunny, i need to blog at least once a week. since today i woke up late at 10:30am, i feel, i deserve a time to spend on my blog as of the moment without feeling guilty of lacking sleep.

time be damned. i could recoup sleep tomorrow night.



***

i have so many wonderful stories from where i am working. i am so blessed to be enriched by this experience, by their stories. im just a blabbermouth who wants to blog about it as writing them down makes a lasting lesson learned.


{photo:nottinghill area, corner portobello market}