short story

on monday afternoon, after work,as i was just coming out of the changing room to change from our uniform to civies, my colleague asked me why i wasn't in shorts, (everyone seemed to know what the weather is like in the morning that they seem to know when to don shorts in the afternoon or not if its raining).

she, even in her 6 months pregnancy glory has the most beautiful skinny legs and our other colleague who had nice legs herself were asking whether it wasn't warm enough for me for shorts (because i come from a hot country?). i said, "no,i just didn't think of wearing shorts because we plan to go to the town centre after work."

she said "so?".

ok, i felt it was a bit too revealing to walk from the hospital building in my shorts to the car and where i could be seen by my other colleagues, but i lied "i didn't shave my legs". and that seemed to have shut her up (because all of them shave their legs/ a national pre-requisite in summer for all short-wearing female this side of civilization).

in truth, i do not shave my legs. i do not have/get hair in my legs at all. (logical, since i do not have much hair on my head, it would have been too unfair of God to have given me hairy legs,wouldn't it?) i pluck an odd hair every now and again on the lateral side of my calf muscle, but a very fine feathery one, the most. i just dont get hairs on my legs at all. (this is a positive,right?LOL). and i suppose,most filipina women dont, unless they have a mestisa blood (i know,coz some of my cousins do).

truth number 2--- i have no shorts to wear. i do not say this in "woe me, pity party-mode", because the reason is,all my shorts are quite loose at the moment and the last thing i want to do is keep buying clothes i have no intention of keeping. (wais si lumen!). i was planning on a shopping spree when i get to my goal (i am getting there, i promise you,i will!).

case en pointe, this photo. i wore my old shorts one warm weekend to a walk in the town.

these were mid thigh high shorts last year, now, its more "puruntong" .

in this photo, this was rolled in the waist to hold it tight and i have to not suck my stomach in (in fact i had to do the opposite), just so the short stays in place (haha)..

i regret going to town with it,because it kept falling off my hips. it was a great feeling: a reminder of some changes my body has undergone, but also, an accident waiting to happen, that you dont wish to occur having your trousers/shorts on your ankles in broad daylight in the middle of the town. (ahh,these things you only think of once you're out of the house).


but then again, maybe, its high time i should start buying shorts as summer seem to have shown its face (at last!). i am not talking about those micro 'pek-pek' shorts that i see on young beautiful skinny things,no!. i am just talking about those things that are non-denim, (or maybe denim),lightweight material, cut above the knee, or mid-thigh (enough to show some definition and separation between my quadriceps,and enough to leave dignity for a woman of my age,harhar). Shorts that can be seen that: a) i am orientated to the season.. b)i did shave my legs!

***

Addendum:


Some photos of me two years ago (August 2010)..in India and Dubai.

cute!..the elephant,too! ;-) PS. the elephant is the one lying on its side. the one washing it has no relation to elephant whatsoever.

in Dubai airport in 2010 waiting for our flight back to the UK. i could still wear the top until this day (fabulously loose as it was intended,haha), but last year, i couldn't fit into those linen trousers. now, those same ones (linen trousers) are just too lose for my sense of security (haha).. i chucked those trousers to a sealed box in a garage in london at the moment as it might be more beneficial to someone from my relatives who do not mind Marks&Spencer linen trouser hand-me-downs.


**

I enjoy looking at old photos of me before.. it reminds me to keep going.

how about you? what are you trying to get motivated with?x

about weight and losing it (a very long essay)

The Before and After Photos:

Older photos:

i must have been thinking : burger or sausage bun? burger? or sausage bun?

we were probably laughing at our cuteness,lol.

i was even 'slim' in my mind in that photo.

i thought i hid my bulges well. and that was hiding it.

no amount of expensive designer kaftans can cover my jellies up.

we're sexy and we know it (lol)

i must have been pregnant here. oh wait, i was never pregnant!lol.

MORE RECENT ones:

taken last month. i woke up and thought, "goodness, i am a goddess"

i felt great within myself taking this pic.

shattered from work,but what the hell,im slimmer, it needs a photo op!

this afternoon. just before i traipsed around town. all size 14 of me.

**

i think the best way to break a dry blog curse is diving in head first and getting dirty. when i mean dirty ,i mean being down pat to the most urgent and current situation that i'm in at the moment.

well, as most of u my dear blog readers (all thousands of you *hehehe*) know that i am in the throes of a weightloss mania. so far,im still riding the mania high. until how long, i do not know,but if it were just up to my good fortune, i will continue this till kingdom come. but then again, history says, i am not that good with maintaining what i started, this blog included (touche').

so far, im on my 9th month of this 'active/exercise lifestyle'. i started at 92.8 kgs and as of tonight's weigh in, i am 76 kgs. great? great! but there lies the divide. if u asked me years ago , 9 months to lose all these weight was too long. i was always a fan of quick schemes. the three-day diet/the three month super cut body. the overnight 2 pound weightloss. the 6-6 diet. the lose 10 pounds in 10 days, etc. (oh the yo-yo! i guess that can contribute surely to early diabetes, as fluctuations in sugar that quick is not good).

but all through these years, successful those diets/schemes may have been on me, they have not lasted, and they were painful. i had to sacrifice a lot. not eating at certain times, not eating rice, not eating sweets, not doing this,etc,etc.

alas! fast forward to being mature and much more resigned to 'health' than 'fashion/waif' reasons for dieting/exercise, i have found the not-so-quick scheme but a more doable and more enduring way to losing the excess poundage.

i am not there yet (hell,no!) and may not reach my size 10 UK dreams (thats size 6 US for you Forever 21 fans, bwehe!), but then, if at the end of this all, i have exercised all my cellulites out of my derrier, then maybe, maybe, i have succeeded still in my own quirky way.

so how did i manage so far?

here are some unsolicited tips for you who are planning to join me in this journey. (please do, exercise and losing weight the healthy way is boring on your own). PS> these are why it worked for me. So if you are like me, this may work with you,too.

-Tip 1) Ditch the "QUICK" word- Rome wasnt built in a day. So is the Goddess in you that's waiting to come out. Any self-respecting adiposa (fat, my dear lovelies) will always fight twice faster the time u lost it. The human body is not meant to lose weight for 2 pounds a week, but ok, i am with you when you think thats too slow, so maybe, let's make that 4 lbs a week. So that means, your means of losing the fats should maintain your water/fluid balance (you are not allowed to be dehydrated), you are not allowed to be ultra hungry (a little bit hungry is ok) ,thus, the other end of the spectrum of being overly-full is not allowed either.

Think of this as a lifestyle plan for lifetime. Once you get into this thing, you are into this hook,line and sinker. No turning back. Ok, period of rests are allowed but no more than a week, or else you are back to square one.


- Tip 2) Ditch the 'diet". what diet are you on? Anything that has the word "diet" attached to it, is never trustworthy. It normally is associated with tip number 1: the quick scheme. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe a pre-exercise snack is needed, go ahead. Do not starve yourself. The body will think that is your 'normal' so it stores your fats for safekeeping, but as soon as you attend the next meal invite by your girlfriends, or the next birthday party you need to drop in on, the body sucks in all of what you ate and will hang on to it for dear life. Be sensible. So you're hungry? Eat. Your stomach is growling? Make sure its not just gas, or else,the toilet is yours. When was the last time you had a meal? 4 hours ago? Go ahead. Have a banana if its not yet meal time. Ok, two bananas if you're really hungry. Add in a packet of skyflakes if it helps, but remember, you still have that dinner meet-up with officemates tonight, hala ka!

(getting into this mindset takes time. it is basically about habit-formation and retraining your brain. most big eaters normally just think they are hungry, so when we learn to train our thoughts that if its not meal times yet,we are not yet hungry, then it will get easier. if you know the answer how to do it, buzz me. this is also where i struggle).

- Tip 3) Move that bootey. Exercise, exercise, exercise, my loves. No two ways about it. I have been living in England approximately 9 years now, believe it or not, i eat lesser number of meals when i moved here and ate more veggies. And there was even a time, i had so little appetite, that i would only eat once a day, yet i was gaining more and more each time. Calorie-wise, maybe i was only eating 2-3T calories (maybe), but then again, i was sedentary. I was on my computer when i was at home, and munched on snacks. It all sits in the belly.

My brother's tip: (he's a gym instructor) is, a if you want to lose the weight: Exercise 4x a week at least,and do cardio exercises that gets your heart rate really fast. (more definite details on how to compute your HR at a level where you are most productive at fat burning on another time). The exercise should also be at least 45 minutes. To maintain, exercise 3-2x a week.

I *go to the gym (*aim) 4x a week. I would prefer to go 5x a week but my job is a very physically demanding job (i do rehab treatment on people who are paralysed so it somehow involves some muscular movement/exercise, so the 5th day is forgiven via the job).

I allocate 2 hours in the gym everytime. 40 minutes for the crosstrainer, 40 minutes on the treadmill (so thats 80 minutes cardio). and i do 20 minutes on shoulders/arm weights. and 20 minutes for changing/loo times/and vanity photography shots in the locker room (hahaha!).

i started out only with 15 minutes on the treadmill, and 10 minutes on the crosstrainer in the 8th of November, 2011. I only started weight-training on my arms a month ago. Your body starts to crave more. Your muscles gets used to the burn and it will crave for more, so you will build up accordingly.

Annnd! it doesnt have to be the gym really. It can be swimming, dancing or anything. I heard once, a Filipina actress who once was heavy-set lost all her weight when she decided enough is enough and got up every morning at the crack of dawn to do dancing. Yes, she just danced. Danced until she could not dance anymore. But then again, it has to be at least 45 minutes of exercise 4-5x a week to show results. How about swimming? Aqua aerobics, running, jogging, brisk walking (remember Charlotte from Sex and the City? she did brisk walking a few times a week in Central Park, why not go to your nearest park or your local subdivision, and do brisk walking? Doable? go ahead!). Cycling? Badminton? Cleaning your house? Exercise DVDs! years ago, i also lost a lot of weight before just doing Taebo exercises via a pirated DVD that was given to me as a present. But a few months after that, i got promoted in the radio station i worked in, and i got too busy to exercise, the moment i decided to stop exercising, i also completely lost all inhibitions in the dining table, thus why i am back to square one,lol).


- Tip 4) Realistic expectations..From yourself. If you are going to do an exercise plan and a food-restructure (i said the word 'diet' is not allowed,hah) then, do the things you think is more realistic to your kid of life/work/role. If you're a mom,with a job and kids, i cannot imagine you not eating together with your family as solution, so it lessens temptations because, being a mom, value-formation for your kiddos will always be priority. If you work as a nurse with shift work, having a meal-time plan should be stricter,so your stomach can adjust to what is doable for you.

When i started this journey, i knew i could not do "no rice" (besides no carbs is bad for you, it can produce ketones which could lead to kidney stones/ kidney failure). I could not do: slimfast/liquid diets (hell no!), and most of all i could not be vegetarian. so those are very unrealistic for me to do. I knew however, that i could make up by being 'active'. I knew that if i exercise (aerobics via DVD was the initial plan) a bit more, "lessen" the rice habit,and restructure the time i eat, and substituting, maybe, maybe, my mind, would cooperate. i jumped and tried doing it, and it worked. (so far).

today, i eat lesser rice than i used to. i eat according to my exercise. if i ate a lot, then i know i have to work my butt off, then i do. i still eat chocolates, rice (up to a third helping, yes!), ice cream, meat, and cakes, but hell, i know i have to whip myself more if i had a bar of chocolate that day. so its a compromise.

Ok, ok. so far, we know, exercise and a good diet works. But what am i teling you that you do not know already?

ahhh, the magic word : motivation. how do u/i keep it going?

it is a struggle. but somehow, i talk myself around it. but since i've already written a whole novel here, that will be chapter two topic next time.

see you in the gym, loves!


Another PS: see why you should take 'fat' photos of yourself? you need it for your "before" and "after" documentation (*lol).

why im not giving up

last week,i took a few days off work so Adrian and i could go to our city house to clear it ready to have it rented..i was physically exhausted moving furnitures, packing cartons and moving stuff. that was my exercise for 5 days when i was off the gym.

sadly, it has taken a toll on my energy to go back to the gym. but on tuesday night this week, i came back to the gym, filled with remorse, cholesterol and a few pounds heavier (im sure! because i felt like i was carrying another person when i was on the crosstrainer).

this week, in one of our shopping trips for food,we popped by a store which sells clothes. i was curious if i went back up one more size.

i took a size 16 dress that i like. voila! it was loose.

so i wore this size 14 version of it.


and guess what i found;-)

do not mind the jeans and shoes..i didnt bother to take it off because i was just measuring myself..

imagine this dress with heels on.

i was quite astonished,and amazed. i was expecting to have climbed up or stayed on my size 16 size,but obviously, i was one size down now.

i am so happy, i will continue. and bloody hell, my skin never felt this good without make-up. (if u look at my very haggard face, that is after 8 hours of long slogging work in the hospital,but my skin is clear as ever) ;-)

goes to show how my circulation has improved so well.

see you in the gym,folks!


**

PS. i am in no way stating i am skinny now,haha, but a size 14 compared to the size 22 that i was on September 26 2010, is no mean feat.. i congratulate myself;-)

**

so you,out there, who missed your gym a few days because you were tired, or were busy or just felt blah. get the courage to get back there as soon as your body and mind is healed. you'll find out that your body has been loyal even if you abandoned it for a few days. no need to give up. who says we can't rest?

do i have to?

its now 20 past 7 pm. i just sat down from chopping and marinating my beef for the beef with broccoli dinner, were having tonight.

filled the washing machine with my whites for work and cleared up the kitchen after all the chopping and mixing.

sat down and realised the time. it's gym time.

i wish i could sit around longer. i wish i dont have to go to the gym.

but then i realised i wanted to eat the lovely meal waiting for me tonight.

i want to continue enjoy eating the food i love.

so yes, grudgingly, i will walk up the stairs to change in my gym clothes, get out to the windy chilly night and drive off to the gym in the dark.

but i know, after an hour and a half, i'd feel much much better,and much happier for having given up 1 hour and half of my 'facebook time' to equalize the food i am jus about to enjoy tonight.


**

do u get moments like these too? like me, i argue and weigh with my own self why i don't want to, but why i had to go to the gym.

everytime i argue this is not about the weight, but this is about living healthier, then i actually listen to my reason more.

**

i am glad my 'good' self seems to be winning the past few months.

sige na! gym nata!

where do i start?

i missed so much of the past months..(chronicling at least)

i lost the will to blog because my family can easily reach me on facebook. but alas, something happened on friday evening on the way back home from work. i wanted to cry that evening, and i know, i normally can thresh out emotions and feelings in this blog. a handy easy tool to pour disturbing emotions in.

i took to my blog, but for the love of me, i could not remember the password. so i did a backtrack just to be able to open it.

but i think i got over the incident now. ( to cut the story short, we ran over a hapless little rabbit accidentally who ran out of the woods from the side, rushed infront of our car, when we couldnt brake soon enough due to snow).

yes, i have stopped thinking of the poor lil rabbit. bless his/her lovely rabbit soul. may it did not suffer. *huhuhu*


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the last entry was my birthday..i was going to post the birthday pics, but not yet. will do so, later on.

fastforward to today.

i took pics before we went to the gym;-)



i decided to take a photo of how i look like. i know i'm still overweight but by golly, i have lost so much since my birthday;-)

(i have lost my chest too..it looks extra flat there due to the sports bra, *defensive*)

(eversince i lost some weight, i am more confident in taking pics of myself without make-up. how liberating)

**

from a size 20-22 UK (in september) i am now officially a size 16UK. I havent been a size 16UK since i initially arrived in the country 8 years ago.

i was on a health binge the last few months and i have been very good.

these photos are a testament to my more 'active' lifestyle;-)