people

 

people. aren't we a funny lot? 

we are bizarre, a mindfield, a science experiment of a higher being (kinda).

personalities. what about them?

there are more than what meets the eye. i bet most of us have been judged one way or another based on what they hear from other sources or second-hand information, and sometimes the mood they are in when they see us. their prerogative definitely is of no consequence to us at all or we try not to, but when we think about it, it's definitely not fair.

you cannot really say much of a person until you have dealt with them personally and or have been a beneficiary (or victim) of who they are. i am quite lucky that i have been a beneficiary of kindness and positivity and support in my thirty-odd something years in life. and i have had a few misjudgement of character from one or two, but very rare, and gave me the once-bitten-twice-shy kind of result. you live. you learn. all good.

this blog entry is just to declare that i am just grateful for the awesome inspiring people you get to meet in this lifetime, may they be from work (colleagues/patients/clients), from life in general (virtual or physical) or others from universal conspiration.

my heart is touched by kindness. i am humbled and taught everyday by other people's "schamazeness".


postscript: awesome news from my family are just one of the many wonderful blessings i am having trouble keeping at the moment. they are concerning around: babies, engagement/elopement/or wedding (who knows?hehe), moving houses, travels, new jobs, awards.

who am i to grumble?

besides, being mopey is so 2010. happy is the new hipster.


*

{photo: taken on my "Strangers" series of photographs as taught by Taylor Wessing Portrait awardee David Graham}

a comparative study

..or thereabouts.. of last year's and this year's birthday..

birthday 2011

birthday 2012.

*

i wonder what birthday 2013 would look like.

dont hold my breath. i might go back to the 2011 or beyond look.

the crossover

There was a time, many may moons ago, i was committed to be single forever, and be contented with life as a single, outgoing, financially independent career woman in-charge of her life, and to be with friends, male or female for my choosing to suit my carefree lifestyle.

Perhaps it was the heartache talking (from a traumatic betrayal), and the jadedness over how easily love and relationships need work and passion to be strongly built over time, yet broken overnight. Whatever it was, it was the focus. The conscious decision.

 I did not set out to meet Adrian. Sure, I was free, roaming the galleys of the dating world (virtual/physical), but i was not in the mood for a steady relationship. Romance,yes. Relationships, no.

Until a man who sounds and acts like that heroic, chivalric, antithesis to the bad-boy who broke your heart (and the many hopeless ones you kissed after him), arrives in your doorstep and grabs you in your waist , kneels infront of you and professes commitment and love and laughter in between, who wants to pass that up? It may not have not sounded as simple or overdramatized as that (in my experience, it wasn't and probably yours wouldn't be either), but indeed, when the chance meeting of the kindest, most charming and most intellectually stimulating person who can hold your defective attention span for far than anyone can, that was it for me. The deal-breaker as it were.

Ok, he didn't look exactly like the knight-in-shining armour in my dreams (and by far no means, i am disillusioned to think i was the replica of the pin-up poster girl on his fantasy bedroom wall,either) but if he makes you feel like you are the that girl with the perfect bouncy hair in the pantene commercial, or gave you the swagger like that lady who was chased by a group of hunky lotharios from the sexy music video you longed to star in---then maybe, this is it, the man who makes you star in your own romantic lovestory.

Fantasy feelings achieved aside, if you had a go at giving people who didn't make you feel half as important and half as beautiful as this one, what is there to lose? Your heart? I thought to myself, damn me, so be it if it breaks twice. If it did, at least the one who broke it this time around totally gave you some good self-worth due you.

But 9 years after, so far, so good. Ego intact, self-worth solid and marriage stronger. I am sure along the way, hurdles are to come, but i know many many years may pass, he'd still be that dashing lothario who i end up with, hand-in-hand, in that make-believe music video. Song title under debate, however.


*
this is a badly written entry to say, i'm glad i decided to get hitched. for i, never intended to.

getting married was a perfect present for myself, because in reality, my husband is my strength when i'm a bit undecided, my voice of reason when i am incoherent, and the meaning to why i have to be awake on dull autumn rainy cold days. he is.

and i, (without an iota of a doubt), am to him.

**

(post dedicated to those who are having their carrie bradshaw moment of "will i, or will i not?" )

when you think you have it bad...(let me tell you this)

..no you don't.


let me first say this, if you are able to read this, in the comfort of your own technology: PC/MAC, phone, ipad, reader, in the comfort of your own room, office, etc --you have it good.

thank your lucky stars.

tonight, i saw a programme on tv (as part of a tv documentary series) about India on BBC,that Adrian and i are following, that made me thank my life, my comfort and my safety.

i have visited and been to India, and i come from the Philippines where some of these documentaries i see are made to document socio-economic differences, i am sometimes horrified to know that it actually happens, but i am still astounded when i discover a different kind of poverty i never knew existed.

i used to think, i lived a realistic down-to-earth living back home. i witnessed poverty, i witnessed and experienced hardships, but after seeing such documentary, i feel i lived a sheltered life,after all.

this documentary about India, talks about the life of certain pockets in the society that not the touring population know, and probably not the rest of their own people know.

the first series looked at the lives of a man who shared a rental room with 15 other men, they sweep gold-dust from the street and sell it to gold-hawkers. and another man,who squatted in the beach to open up an illegal pub. the second series was about this woman who lived in a shanty in the city with her many children and husband, to recycle plastic bottles and sell it to wholesalers. the second series showed that apart from money struggles, they had to contend with the urban mafia who keeps collecting money from them or else the husband could get beaten up or shot.

the first series showed how this man in the gold district (quite  a busy street where gold exchange and buying happens) this gold-dust sweeper, wakes up at 3am every morning, to beat other gold-dust sweepers and get the first sweep himself. in india,where women, and children have gold on them, sometimes lose a piece of a the jewelry they are wearing, or even perhaps the gold hawkers lose  speck of a gold they have on them to the street.

but the man who buys gold from him was conning him and buying his gold for a very meager price than the original market value, so being an ingenuous person, he thought of a different tactic: he was not sweeping the street anymore, he was going to go inside a street canal, fill up 30 sacks of sewage mud/dirt (imagine the human,animal and domestic waste, ugh!) to sell to the wholesaler/big buyers of gold dust by the Ganges (where they sift the mud to extract the gold).

so the story follows him on his daily struggles , waking up at the crack of dawn,to go inside a dirty sewage, get covered in muck (toilet/city sewage on him--i say that, coming from me who work with human waste in a clinical setting is nothing--we have gloves, sanitiser and hygiene protocols where i work), and still have the energy to follow his dream.

it was only the second part of the series so far, but i find it such a mind opener what lengths (and depths in his case) people have to go through to get that next meal.

i have been to india, and seen people live there, ate with locals and celebrated a cultural event with them, but i have only seen the educated/upper class indians' way of life. the postcards and photos we see of people living the 'picture-perfect poverty'photo actually doesnt come with the story--the urban mafias threatening to kidnap their children when they cant pay, or the 'love marriage' that resulted in the poverty because the parents were not pleased about the coupling, yet resulted in happy well-dressed children that go to boarding schools despite living in squattered makeshift tents as houses. these stories not even my indian friends could tell me because they themself drive range rovers and put us up in expensive 5 star hotels and shower us expensive sarees as tokens.

while watching the documentary, and blurting out to Adrian that "oh shocks, i think the Philippines is better off than they are".  Adrian said to me , "You are saying that from your experience, but you do not know anyone from the Philippines who come from that section of society, but there are people in your country who probably do, and maybe worst".

But of course, I do know of poverty, I claim. I see it on TV patrol, on the news, heck, i even reported about it when i read the news on AM radio (the Inayawan scavengers, and squatters, etc)--but Adrian is right. until i know of someone, or friends with anyone/someone who live that life, i may get the picture in my brain, the vision of how it would look like--but to truly to know it-- i will not know.

and i do not wish anyone i know or friends with or related with, to let me discover the depths of it too.

(an ice cream vendor in tamil nadu... he has it easy compared to those on the documentary)

**

in consequence, i am even more grateful, but i somehow feel a little guilty of why we have so much while some have barely anything.

i do not have the answers,but all i know is, i will appreciate MORE what i have. and i will do my best to be of help to the society so that the government can focus on the ones that truly need the help.

too deep, i know. on a wednesday night, at that. but it has to be said.

a reminder to those like me who whine about the traffic (while im inside a nice heated or A/C'd car, or bemoaning the lipstick i forego to buy because i spent it on an overpriced Zara pump ..)

years has passed, maturity helps with lessening the whining and the shallow overtures, but real live stories like theirs are such a boink in the head.

**
i will go to work whistling tomorrow, and not complain about my taxes, my never-ending auditing and research assignments, and i will even love early mornings and the cold weather to get there because going to work in a nice comfy hospital (with free coffee,and biscuits), is far far better than going inside a ditch to scrape gold out of sewage.

**

PS. i might still complain about the weather,though. (hahaha).

i wonder if i can record the documentary for you guys to see (its interesting and informative to say the least). i'll see what i can do. 

watch this space.

what gets my goat (when eating out)

i rarely rarely complain about service. because i know, things can go wrong, and perhaps i'm just on the receiving end of a bad day.

Adrian and i love our weekly restaurant hopping, and we oftentimes get some not-so-good service, but thats fine, as long as the food was good,and the manager or waiter apologizes for the delay, everything's forgotten.

the recent pub lunch we had, just reminded me what really gets me. its when people are not apologetic about a bad service.

noted, they are only paid staff. noted,everyone has their role. noted, they are short of staff,but then the arrogance when asked why food is an hour late on your table is PURE bad service. there is only a beautiful sunshine and endless buffet of salad can keep you occupied.


after fiddling with our thumbs for what seems to a be very long time waiting for our mains, i asked the manager (who happens to be walking past me), "hi, may i ask what's taking the food long? weve been waiting for 50 minutes now". i felt sorry for her at the moment as she looked rushed (i could tell,and that throngs of new customers arrived).

she quipped in a very non-apologetic tone " were really very short of staff today and its a holiday so,were getting alot of orders and the staff cant accommodate". duh!

i said " oh im sorry to have asked you question i have every right to ask.its just weve had 2 rounds of drinks already and yet we still are waiting for our main course". { for sure, you knew it was a holiday,you should have prepared for more staff, i wanted to add,but i didnt.}

"i'll check on your orders". the manager said and went.


the food came in after about 15 minutes. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

but it made me think, i wonder how she would react when the bill comes, and if i will take my time in paying and tell her "im sorry, we're short of money".


**

this incident just reminded me because i saw a friend on FB complained about service she paid for, which they promised but did not materialize. the internet service in question promised wireless connectivity to all rooms of her house (up til the end of her garden),when in fact,it only reaches her kitchen, and no more.

she complained to the company numerous times and yet there was no action on the false advertising.

she threatened not to pay her bills, but she got scared in the end as she didnt want to be harrassed by court orders. but felt cheated for the false promise of a service.

how sad.

consumers,like us,keep businesses,and companies alive by paying on-time and giving what is expected of us. the least these money-making establishments should consider is good customer satisfaction because really,the excuses they give, are so pathetic,that if we say the same things to them, we are liable to be sued on our asses.

its just NOT fair,is it?

{photo: beach wares sold by the beachwalk..munimuni by the sea}

portraits of strangers

on Sunday,the 10th of April, i attended the "15-seconds of Portrait" masterclass by award-winning portrait photographer David Graham at the National Portrait Gallery.

it was a basic course for all levels just showing us his style and his ideas of (fine art) portrait photography.

The course was 5 hour course attended by professionals,hobbyists and some people in the magazine and make up industry who just wanted to learn some ideas about portrait photography.


Mr.Graham comes from the school of thought that portrait photography that "is staged, the person is looking straight into the lens, and engaging with the photographer with his eyes with MOUTHS CLOSED" (mostly sombre looking portraits)..or one or two of those elements combined.

With the current trend of staged portraiture photography right now,he thinks most portrait photographers are blurring documentary and portrait photography (which is actually what i like,haha).

He said,it only takes him 15 seconds to take a portrait of someone.He showed us photos of actors he took portraits of. One took 12 seconds, and one took 6 seconds. Although he said,he doesnt like taking portraits of actors or famous people. he said his best photos are from people that roam the streets.

The best part of the course?: learning how to get the courage to ask a stranger and to take their pics.

Part of the day's assignment was to pair up with someone.

I got paired up with photographer Orla.

She and i had to take photos of one another.

(i felt sorry for her,she sure got the poor end of the bargain for having to take photos of me,LOL)

Then another assignment was to head out to the streets for 30 minutes to take ask as many strangers for their photos. (now if you live in England,you know how difficult it is to do that as everyone is so paranoid of where their photos would end up). That is why most of my photos of strangers are documentary (where they are not looking), as i get so embarrassed asking them to look into my lens.

It was actually easier than i thought. No one said 'No' to me.

these were all i could muster for 30 minutes as it was a good 10 minutes walking up and down the street from the National Portrait Gallery to Leicester Sguare.

The hardest part was asking people and to ask them to take their pics and not to smile, and mouths closed.(Mr.Graham said, that for him,to get the best of someone's portrait with mouths open, they either laugh out loud or not at all so, with mouths closed. Anything in between, for him is borderline 'fake' smile.)

Note: Mr.Graham comes from a different portraiture background. His background is not wedding nor glamour photography. So i feel,his school of thought is less mainstream. His works are in galleries (case en pointe: the national portrait gallery and the taylor wessing portrait exhibits).

Overall,the course was an immense help. it made me realise how i love street photography and (documentary photography) and its fine art aspect. it made me realise how i am more geared less and less out of the glamour aspect of photography these days, i don't know what happened, blame it on visiting the National Portrait Photography regularly the last few months and also recently seeing the Ida kar exhibition,maybe,i don't know.

it was nice to learn and hear from one of the Masters.

one for the road:

(practicing with Adrian when i met up with him for food,lol).

and oh: our snacks:

a sweet lemon and syrup pancake for the sweet toothed,me.

a savoury bacon and emmental cheese pancake for my date.

underneath

fat,thin,overdone,nude,brown,white, accessorised or au naturelle,

underneath it all

we are the same..

well, give and take some broken or missing cartilages here and there.

{photo: skull of prehistoric primates, Natural History Museum}