The Social Network Diet

Kings Lynn one sunny Sunday.

**


My family and friends have asked why I haven't been visible much on facebook and instagram.  I was surprised myself because it wasn't a planned one.

It all started when I was in Cambridge a few weeks ago to do some systems training (the workplace has changed our software interface and added new features, thus all members of staff had to be on the training on a staggered basis. I did mine on the third week of August).

Cambridge is a good hour (and about 10 minutes depending on traffic) to drive to. Add another 2 hours driving back (peak hour traffic). The whole day was sucked up by the training and travelling.

On the third day of training, we moved to a different hospital which was so remote, there was no internet access.

By the fourth day, it was so liberating that you do not need your cellphone to keep updating yourself of what everyone is doing. Seriously, it killed my "nosy" side.

At the end of each day, I was exhausted from training and driving, all I could muster was the tagged pop up info on my page, and private messages. If you are like me, who like to start things from the very beginning and not start in the middle of your newsfeed, i kept telling myself that i shall update myself form the start of where i left off. (well, never happened. )


A few days after the training, i was starting to find I had more time to chat to people on the phone, and join in on after-work activities. I was finding I was able to cook fancier meals than i normally would. It made me realise how much time i spend on my social networks. And i tend to kill an hour each day just going through my feed each day.

I was hoping that at the end of the second week I will be able to go back to the gym, but that didn't happen (haha!).

My family tend to tag me on their posts, so its easy to go to their posts. So during these past few weeks, I have been a neglectful social networker.

This eventually lead to what I call the Social Network Diet, because I totally am not able to detach myself from social networking when most of my family are abroad. Diet, because I am trying to recoup my time back from sitting on the couch and try limit sniffling my curious nose on everyone's business.

It is liberating to know I could actually live without a mobile phone/facebook/instagram for an entire 12-16 hours. ( Since I moved to working in the community, I have had the blessing of being able to use my phone at a whim except when faced-to-face with a patient) which really indulged this bad habit.

By the end of the first week of not being as active, I felt "bleacch" to update. I felt nothing was going on in my life that interesting to share. I also felt that my mother and siblings are updated about me, and my girlfriends and I were still sharing on Whatsapp during all this time (we were trying to help an emotional friend), thus nothing crucial to share. I also suddenly had a weird over-the-top self awareness episode when i started realising what was happening. I felt, "oh shit, what was I thinking sharing those things online?". "Eww, how immature of me to write that". "Did i really need to post that photo?".  Everytime i wanted to put a photo on instagram, i had these weird thoughts stopping me. Eveyrtime i had the urge to post a facebook status, i had these thoughts screaming inside me. Weird.

On our last skype session, mama said she is happy to see me online, eventhough what i post are irrelevant weird nonsense, she feels happy that she could see I am alright (or not alright, but still alive,lol), it made me think, i need to get back into the action.

Its amazing what we get to learn as habits. It is so easy to be addicted to be online, and interesting enough, it may not be as easy, but it is not that hard to get off the internet if we really want to, or like me, unconciously detached from the internet due to work.

When one does this diet, you suddenly realise who are those that you miss most. (Its harder not to check on them when you are offline-- your family, and some special ones who are in some ways have been really kind and wonderful to little poor you). Those people, dear self, you keep close.  They are your gold nuggets.

**

Side note: I started reading blogs again, and fell in love with my old favourite bloggers and discovered new ones.

I am gifting myself more time here in my personal space. It doesn't matter if I have only two other people reading this space. Thats two more than me, LOL.x

getting in the mood...

..for blogging.

Oh dear! my brain has turned to mush since i have not written for a long time. not that i am claiming to be a spectacular writer/ storyteller (dear gertrude,no!), but as the age old saying that goes, "if you dont use it, you lose it", i do believe that the more you write, the more the 'language' centre of your brain gets developed. thus,whatever little skill i had in writing along as i think, is now totally kaput.

the most practice i have with writing (daily, from monday thru friday and sometimes the occasional weekend on-call work) are SOAP notes. SOAP notes are our clinical notes/report we have to write after every patient/ clinical treatment. [To give a more specific example:  S- for subjective ( " Seen patient for upper limb rehab. Patient consented to therapy..") O- Objective ( "Patient was assessed using thera-putty and upper limb sensory work, using texture for sensory integration..so on and so forth"). A- for assessment (Patient still has minimal sensation on right upper limb on dorsolateral part of her arm...etc etc.") P-for plan (OT to continue sensory integration using textures and upper limb domestic tasks..etc etc)]. Documentation which requires strict guidelines and the use of clinical terminology that disables interpretation, as each report are stored and logged in a national database (for patient's records) and which are liable to legal scrutiny. Hence, my brain's creative lingual part is so underused that i am craving to write and stretch that part of my brain.

the last few exchanges with Aileen and Ate Lou over at facebook, made me miss multiply, our old hangout where we write stories of our days/lives and anything that we deem worthy journalling and sharing to like-minded people. there, friendships grew, talents shared, skills developed. it was an amazing part of my growth over the years, being away from my immediate family. i found friends and allies over the internet. but because multiply is no longer, and together with some coaxing from Aileen (one of my idol bloggers) and Ate Lou (who also is another admired person and blogger) for me to blog more, my soul just wanted to jump out of where i was that time (in the living room, on my phone, with the telly on), and start pounding on my Mac keyboards.

alas, i could never concentrate and hear myself think when the tv is on. i also do not like the lights on in the front room for that matter. it made me tired and uninspired. i promised myself, i need to find enough energy to be awake and set myself up to pour my thoughts onto a blog, thus, last night didn't happen. i was tired from too much moving and handling paralytic patients. tonight, i made sure, we ate dinner early enough so i could fight my jetlag without the heavy interference of food weighing on my stomach. i begged Adrian to turn off the tv and go to bed and read from his tab. he did, bless him.

now,i have this room to myself. and i write...about how i got here.

i suppose the point is: when i am not sad, or emotionally crippled, or undergoing some turmoil, i feel whatever i think of writing will always be nonsense, or basic, or irrelevant, or all of the three. when one is melancholic, the distress of whatever drama one is in is enough to yank open the door of my "writing geni", and the emotional baggage will act as doorstop to its hinges.

so when i am happy, satisfied, no dramas, no turmoil: my trick would be is to have the distractions of whatever it is around me minimised, and hidden. i need to hear myself think. to coax the story out of my psyche and buoy it with feelings.

to listen to my chest beat the crap out of my words.

blechhhh!

*

shakespeare's workplace

i ate a lot of humble pie...and got sick

i ate a lot of humble pie the last few days for a booboo that i did (work related).

sometimes, my brand of stupidity amazes me. i cannot believe that i can be known as this organized and be anal in one extreme, and be such a klutz at a totally important thing. (nope, not patient related, thank goodness, just some paperwork i have not ticked off the to-do list-- but quite an important one).

lesson learned. never rely important matters to people especially reminders. at the end of the day, they wash their hands of their responsibility while, i, mrs. honest-at-everything-im-so-square, ends up the poster girl for being the lesson to learn from.



**

i have been really hard on myself.  a lot of people have told me that i whip myself endless for something really trivial and could happen to anyone and has happened before numerous times, and may happen again to other people.

i tell them, yes, but its them. not me. 'work' is something i take pride in, and i take great amounts of concentration and passion on. having to learn that i, too,  could do something annoying like this, disappoints me no end.

i have yet to 'talk' and befriend myself once again.



**

also, i reflect on my errors. unlike maybe some other people, who do not reflect as much, may end up doing it again. i, for a fact, tend to learn quite hard. even to the detriment of myself.


**

therefore, i am human, after all. no matter the accolade, the compliments, the plaudits i accomplish at work, i still get "earth-to-chelo" moments like this.

but i hope this will be the last.


**

the good news is: i still have a job, and bosses and colleagues who now joke endless about me being as dysfunctional as they are, and that they are welcoming me open arms.

there is a positive to this, after all.


**

bring on, next month, please!


NOTE: and because i was so distracted on this annoyance.. i was chopping carrots furiously the other night, i almost included my finger in the curry. i sliced a top off my left index finger. i tell you, this little bugger of a wound is nothing but a mere millimetre or so, but it hurts like a freck. The nail is sliced on the middle (that cheap knife was amazing! its so sharp!) and today, when i accidentally hit the finger on the dashboard (as you do, forgetting that you have a sore finger), it clicked the nail and dug into the wound and i cant unclick the nail back (i have short nails), so basically, it's dug and lodged itself into the already sore wound. i tell you, when it rains where i am, it doesnt only flood, it gets me effin tsunami. 

well, i hope whoever you are, friend or family or curious bypasser reading this, keep the smile, because you dont have my troubles.. and yes, i am smiling too, despite. because i have a family that loves me (booboos and all), and a whole bunch of friends who genuinely care.

the crossover

There was a time, many may moons ago, i was committed to be single forever, and be contented with life as a single, outgoing, financially independent career woman in-charge of her life, and to be with friends, male or female for my choosing to suit my carefree lifestyle.

Perhaps it was the heartache talking (from a traumatic betrayal), and the jadedness over how easily love and relationships need work and passion to be strongly built over time, yet broken overnight. Whatever it was, it was the focus. The conscious decision.

 I did not set out to meet Adrian. Sure, I was free, roaming the galleys of the dating world (virtual/physical), but i was not in the mood for a steady relationship. Romance,yes. Relationships, no.

Until a man who sounds and acts like that heroic, chivalric, antithesis to the bad-boy who broke your heart (and the many hopeless ones you kissed after him), arrives in your doorstep and grabs you in your waist , kneels infront of you and professes commitment and love and laughter in between, who wants to pass that up? It may not have not sounded as simple or overdramatized as that (in my experience, it wasn't and probably yours wouldn't be either), but indeed, when the chance meeting of the kindest, most charming and most intellectually stimulating person who can hold your defective attention span for far than anyone can, that was it for me. The deal-breaker as it were.

Ok, he didn't look exactly like the knight-in-shining armour in my dreams (and by far no means, i am disillusioned to think i was the replica of the pin-up poster girl on his fantasy bedroom wall,either) but if he makes you feel like you are the that girl with the perfect bouncy hair in the pantene commercial, or gave you the swagger like that lady who was chased by a group of hunky lotharios from the sexy music video you longed to star in---then maybe, this is it, the man who makes you star in your own romantic lovestory.

Fantasy feelings achieved aside, if you had a go at giving people who didn't make you feel half as important and half as beautiful as this one, what is there to lose? Your heart? I thought to myself, damn me, so be it if it breaks twice. If it did, at least the one who broke it this time around totally gave you some good self-worth due you.

But 9 years after, so far, so good. Ego intact, self-worth solid and marriage stronger. I am sure along the way, hurdles are to come, but i know many many years may pass, he'd still be that dashing lothario who i end up with, hand-in-hand, in that make-believe music video. Song title under debate, however.


*
this is a badly written entry to say, i'm glad i decided to get hitched. for i, never intended to.

getting married was a perfect present for myself, because in reality, my husband is my strength when i'm a bit undecided, my voice of reason when i am incoherent, and the meaning to why i have to be awake on dull autumn rainy cold days. he is.

and i, (without an iota of a doubt), am to him.

**

(post dedicated to those who are having their carrie bradshaw moment of "will i, or will i not?" )

when you think you have it bad...(let me tell you this)

..no you don't.


let me first say this, if you are able to read this, in the comfort of your own technology: PC/MAC, phone, ipad, reader, in the comfort of your own room, office, etc --you have it good.

thank your lucky stars.

tonight, i saw a programme on tv (as part of a tv documentary series) about India on BBC,that Adrian and i are following, that made me thank my life, my comfort and my safety.

i have visited and been to India, and i come from the Philippines where some of these documentaries i see are made to document socio-economic differences, i am sometimes horrified to know that it actually happens, but i am still astounded when i discover a different kind of poverty i never knew existed.

i used to think, i lived a realistic down-to-earth living back home. i witnessed poverty, i witnessed and experienced hardships, but after seeing such documentary, i feel i lived a sheltered life,after all.

this documentary about India, talks about the life of certain pockets in the society that not the touring population know, and probably not the rest of their own people know.

the first series looked at the lives of a man who shared a rental room with 15 other men, they sweep gold-dust from the street and sell it to gold-hawkers. and another man,who squatted in the beach to open up an illegal pub. the second series was about this woman who lived in a shanty in the city with her many children and husband, to recycle plastic bottles and sell it to wholesalers. the second series showed that apart from money struggles, they had to contend with the urban mafia who keeps collecting money from them or else the husband could get beaten up or shot.

the first series showed how this man in the gold district (quite  a busy street where gold exchange and buying happens) this gold-dust sweeper, wakes up at 3am every morning, to beat other gold-dust sweepers and get the first sweep himself. in india,where women, and children have gold on them, sometimes lose a piece of a the jewelry they are wearing, or even perhaps the gold hawkers lose  speck of a gold they have on them to the street.

but the man who buys gold from him was conning him and buying his gold for a very meager price than the original market value, so being an ingenuous person, he thought of a different tactic: he was not sweeping the street anymore, he was going to go inside a street canal, fill up 30 sacks of sewage mud/dirt (imagine the human,animal and domestic waste, ugh!) to sell to the wholesaler/big buyers of gold dust by the Ganges (where they sift the mud to extract the gold).

so the story follows him on his daily struggles , waking up at the crack of dawn,to go inside a dirty sewage, get covered in muck (toilet/city sewage on him--i say that, coming from me who work with human waste in a clinical setting is nothing--we have gloves, sanitiser and hygiene protocols where i work), and still have the energy to follow his dream.

it was only the second part of the series so far, but i find it such a mind opener what lengths (and depths in his case) people have to go through to get that next meal.

i have been to india, and seen people live there, ate with locals and celebrated a cultural event with them, but i have only seen the educated/upper class indians' way of life. the postcards and photos we see of people living the 'picture-perfect poverty'photo actually doesnt come with the story--the urban mafias threatening to kidnap their children when they cant pay, or the 'love marriage' that resulted in the poverty because the parents were not pleased about the coupling, yet resulted in happy well-dressed children that go to boarding schools despite living in squattered makeshift tents as houses. these stories not even my indian friends could tell me because they themself drive range rovers and put us up in expensive 5 star hotels and shower us expensive sarees as tokens.

while watching the documentary, and blurting out to Adrian that "oh shocks, i think the Philippines is better off than they are".  Adrian said to me , "You are saying that from your experience, but you do not know anyone from the Philippines who come from that section of society, but there are people in your country who probably do, and maybe worst".

But of course, I do know of poverty, I claim. I see it on TV patrol, on the news, heck, i even reported about it when i read the news on AM radio (the Inayawan scavengers, and squatters, etc)--but Adrian is right. until i know of someone, or friends with anyone/someone who live that life, i may get the picture in my brain, the vision of how it would look like--but to truly to know it-- i will not know.

and i do not wish anyone i know or friends with or related with, to let me discover the depths of it too.

(an ice cream vendor in tamil nadu... he has it easy compared to those on the documentary)

**

in consequence, i am even more grateful, but i somehow feel a little guilty of why we have so much while some have barely anything.

i do not have the answers,but all i know is, i will appreciate MORE what i have. and i will do my best to be of help to the society so that the government can focus on the ones that truly need the help.

too deep, i know. on a wednesday night, at that. but it has to be said.

a reminder to those like me who whine about the traffic (while im inside a nice heated or A/C'd car, or bemoaning the lipstick i forego to buy because i spent it on an overpriced Zara pump ..)

years has passed, maturity helps with lessening the whining and the shallow overtures, but real live stories like theirs are such a boink in the head.

**
i will go to work whistling tomorrow, and not complain about my taxes, my never-ending auditing and research assignments, and i will even love early mornings and the cold weather to get there because going to work in a nice comfy hospital (with free coffee,and biscuits), is far far better than going inside a ditch to scrape gold out of sewage.

**

PS. i might still complain about the weather,though. (hahaha).

i wonder if i can record the documentary for you guys to see (its interesting and informative to say the least). i'll see what i can do. 

watch this space.

love where you are at

i do. i do.

i know i've only been here a year exactly a  week ago, but deep down my heart, this place had me from the word 'go'.

you know, i always have been taught that where you live, and who you live with affect our capacity to gravitate towards good things. when you live around negativity, and bad atmosphere, it will not only bring your mental wellbeing down, but it will also kick away the good energy meant for you.

i always thought i had it good where i was before. i loved our house (i still do, i miss my kitchen truth be told :-0) but this entire historical county has grabbed my heart hook, line and sinker.

i know Adrian and i will not be here permanently (because we own a house on the London border), but we plan on staying until all my family have visited *knock on wood* (that is the plan), and of course, until i have finished my rotational assignment.

i also think that i have matured as a person, and with the maturity afforded me, with it came the openness to receive blessings (people,love, affection,relation--- non-monetary) that head my way. the place, with all its visual trimmings, the charm and the people that come with it, the experiences attached to it, it just gets better. 

i could not ask for more. 

(except better health for my love ones, i must add) 

**

how about you, where you are now, and can you say it has given you the "oomph" to accept life's offerings?

are you willing to (physically) move/ relocate to get a healthier and refreshed outlook about your life?

or do you actually believe that a place has anything to do with one's capacity to receive good energy?

thoughts?

of relevance, questions and height

{photo: British Gymnast/Olympian Elaine W..one of our mountain buddies}

irrelevant.
all seems to be irrelevant.
i am at the phase of my life where things are beginning to come with an attached sentimentality and value, its relative congruence equates to how i look at things.


***


just woken up by the sound of the vibrating phone, only to find a FB message asking my opinion whether buying a NikonD5000 at $450 dollars (with standard lens) was cheap.
(errr, i cannot possibly know and memorize price ranges for all of Nikon's camera range)
maybe, try Google? i wanted to say, but i didnt. im trying to wake up and get in a better mood.


maybe a hot chocolate drink will put me in a better state of mind.

{ps. i normally dont mind being asked about cameras, but i find, i have been Nikon's spokesperson of late..and i think, some questions are too self-explanatory to be asked (like questions above)..and not as a greeting from my slumber,hahaha}


**

in another thought: planning a new adventure..

oh i do miss hiking up the mountains.
nothing beats the view from up there.

i got a pocketful a pocketful of sunshine

..thank you amoxillin 500.

my smile is back again;-)



**

the very reason why you should, in your damnest best to avoid being diabetic..

for a stringent flosser/religious interdental brusher/regular dentist-goer like yours truly (and if i remember correctly, always have been called "best smile" in all my kinder years), i have to suffer gum problems. one of the many complications of diabetes..

but i'm not complaining. rather that, than other organs in my body..(not yet,anyways).

apparently,because we are Southeast Asians (and also the Afro-Caribbeans), we are 10x more likely to be diabetic in the middle of our lives than our European counterparts (i read that in a hospital pamphlet). our diet is the main cause.

and if you have family history of the disease, you are double more likely to get the disease too. why I am.

most Filipinos think that Diabetes is a normal occurence, but really once you are diagnosed as such, its a death sentence. you are not going to die from the disease itself, but from its complications. more like AIDs (but in a different scale).

most of my family has it, and its sad. but im grateful, that with modern medicine the complications are kept minimum and at bay coupled with a strict GI (glucose index) diet.

so, if you are borderline diabetic. please watch out. if you could save yourself the trouble, run away from the donuts as much as you can.

and keep your glucose count stable and non-fluctuating.

(a long history of yo-yo dieting didnt help with me,either). im sure my sugar count would plummet and skydive number of times in a day in those years.

now, i could say, i am better at keeping my glucose level closely monitored. i also do not wait for my body to tell me, i need sugar. and i also am better at sticking to a bar of chocolate than an entire box (*hide). i time my food intake, and making sure i keep the levels in a steady flow.

i wish i knew about diabetes then, the way i do now. i could have avoided being one.

**

pocketful of doom, not sunshine,more like it ;-)

but, just sharing some bits of information about this condition. who knows, i could save one of you the pain.

ragolfgen

ive been called many names before. rogan, roger, regan, ragu, reggae, raggi and rangen..

nothing, beats this.

ragolfgen.

its a nice brand name...for impotency tablets. or a horse manure fertilizer.

**

notice the email. apparently, the tickets they sent to my house was sent back.

hmmn, maybe they were looking for a mr. ragolfgen.

no one in their right mind wants to admit they're named that.

not even for a sade ticket.

this has to be said

for a long time this has been playing on my mind. not only because some people also went through it but through my own experiences as well.

the superficial things people say against us, our weight,height,skin colour and our 'look', may be an issue to people who do not know us, but people who do, they see beyond it, and look past it. its not an issue to them. if they do comment about it, its more about their concern about our health, nothing catty, not at all.

when people make fun of us to our knowledge, to make us joke-worthy because they think being 'fat' is a joke for their consumption, they are in their minds, actually making sense why someone would still be 'fat' when its not the 'norm' in philippine culture. they think by saying it out loud and vocalizng it think its actually funny. it may be..to those who are ill-mannered and ill-educated.

newsflash: we don't set out to be this weight. we don't want to be this weight, but there is obviously an underlying need to stuff ourselves with food. that is THE problem.the emotional eating is the culprit and the symptom (sign) is the weight. some people have overcome this need, this emotional eating (a great feat!), but some are still struggling with it, its a hard battle. anyone who has been on a diet and an exercise plan would agree with me when i say, its not an easy job and not everyone succeeds.

let me quote the beautiful actress, Mila Kunis (Live Magazine,May 15 issue) when she said "it took 5 months to lose 20 lbs for Black Swan, but 5 days to put it all back on" for her role in the said movie.

Ms. Kunis in her hollywood stature of physical trainers, gruelling regime of exercise and macrobiotic-thousand-dollar-per-meal chefs and staff, took such effort to lose the pounds and realized that it only takes a fry-up bacon and milkshake to put back all the hardwork to zero. what hope does that leave us mere mortals, whose schedules are impossible to attain a 5 hour day exercise training plan and cannot shell out hundreds of monies for kitchen staff that can whip up at our demand, a low-calorie-nutrionally-balanced meal?

by no means im saying to be healthy slim is impossible, because it is. but i am first to admit it is hard. a struggle for those who are battling an emotional attachment to food. it is an addiction, a sickness that needs addressing and ALOT of help and support from everyone around us (people we live with, people we socialize with).

my friend, P, who is recovering alcoholic said to me in a very empathetic tone that he knows what a struggle it could be. in his struggle for his addiction, he threw all the liquor in his cupboard, the shopping has to be done by his girlfriend (so he could not be tempted to buy booze), stopped watching tv (for fear of adverts of alcoholic drinks),and he used to say NO to any gatherings that involve meeting in places where he could order a drink, like in a pub or bar,for 6 months. Only it was recently that he slowly re-introduced himself to the world, going to the shops with his girlfriend,and enjoying a nice meal. His girlfriend (my long suffering friend,M had to stop enjoying a glass of wine in front of him too). Both their families do not invite them over for drinks, and their friends know that they're not being unsociable for the meantime, so they understand when they have said NO the past months for barbeque and dinner invites.

P said, it would be harder for people who are battling weight problems to go through weight management because you cannot totally eliminate FOOD in our lives. if he was able to throw the booze out of his cupboard and not see a bottle of alcohol for 6 months of detox, how can people go through the normal rehab procedure of eliminating food totally? people HAVE to eat. one cannot totally eliminate food from one's house/life completely.

thus, food addiction is a different devil entirely from all other addictions.

its a hard struggle and people can go through life not succeeding in this battle.

i know i have not yet. my relationship with food is that of attachment and mutual love. i live for food, and i get such a thrill from it. and to me, food should always be appreciated in its best state.

food means so much in the equation of things. in a party, the food has to be right and great for me to say i enjoyed a party.

the daily battle to win over the need to overeat is a constant daily slug. sometimes i win, most oftentimes, it wins me over. (although for the moment, i am not battling it, i am letting go for the meantime as i'm also busy with my thesis, and food has been my constant friend all throughout---my clutch,more like it).

so when i hear people making fun of other people's weight infront of the person,to make them feel embarassed about it, it angers and frustrates me. what for? why make fun of them and embarrass them?

it all boils down to education and knowledge.

look at these people who do that (comments about people's weight or appearance). normally, these people have not seen a back of a book, nor have they travelled to different parts of the world and has seen that there are 'other' norms out there. people do not fit in boxes, and people actually do come out of different colour, height and weight. and if they look/sound different, there are reasons for it.

most importantly, these are people who do not know us, our character and our skills and abilities.people who do, they actually forget about our weight on a day-to-day basis,but would tell us wholeheartedly when they feel it impinges on our ability to lead a good healthy life.

people who do know us, forget the shape of our silhouette and are attracted to the finer details of our person, our features,our personalities,our capabilities and our demeanor--what we can bring to the table, our relationship with them. our weight is just a number and has no measure to the 'fun' we bring to the equation.

so next time, you hear someone make a joke about someone else's weight and his/her friends laugh about it? please do me a favour. tell them to think of a better punchline.

(or maybe, punch the lines out of their giggles,lol)

**

(note: by no means am i an advocate of being overweight, not at all. i would love to be a healthy, average, size. i just hate bullying and prejudice in all forms.)

its carnivore season

when it gets sunny in this country, you could hear the nationwide hiss of everyone's grills, cooking red meat on fire.

its indeed barbeque season now.

for the past two weeks,ive attended two barbeque do's. a sin, really to someone who spiritually (holy week) and physiologically (animal fats galore) must refrain from meat.


some pics of one of the barbeques ive attended.

a 'multicultural' barbeque (with curry)...

the newly decked back garden..

the south african "poike" (the black pot) , im not really sure how its spelled but they pronounce it as "poy-keh". my south african friends say they'll gift me with one next year (*excited!*). its very good for hob/over fire cooking..if youre cooling curry, the food comes out extra delicious.

because its a BBQ, its very informal..kesehoda the rice cooker-on-top-of-the-table ang show..

my south african friends, were influenced by yours truly, to buy a rice cooker. because whenever they come to the house, they always comment how i cook my rice perfectly. i said, thanks to 'russel hobbs' (the brand of the rice cooker). its as easy as on and off.hahaha..so they bought one. and they never looked back since. (i am quite influential in the food department within my circle..char).

skewered grilled veggies...i think i had two skewers..super tasty..

tandoori chicken (an indian style of grilling chicken)

potato salad

grilled assorted sausages,chicken and pork belly

assorted grilled veggies and fruits

(*wiping away my saliva while typing this*)

india and british treaty, hehe (my beautiful friend Kiran and her charming husband Zuki) with the gorgeous, muscleman,Adrian.

my wonderful friends: Ragi and Thilak..

a night of serious talk..{Adrian, you're still eating? what the!}

miss universe-minglanilla branch: ahem ahem...bati ang angle..but i dont have any other pics..

more chikkas about life in general

this was the part where Glen, was giving all of us a piece of beef jerky from SA, they call it "biltong"..yummy..

cutting a piece of biltong

mura mi'g last supper..ga pasa-pasa sa small pieces of biltong haha.

Glen said something serious..

..or maybe not..hahaha

the Donn's newest baby..Lily...she's so adorable..i wanted to kidnap her..

the 2nd BBQ was not photographed for some weird reason.

if you see one barbeque, you practically seen all..

**

which made me think..

maybe its time for me to take out my cute chinese lanterns and hang it out in the garden??

bring out the garden furnitures?

bring out the chef and ask him to put the grill on?

call some good old company who can appreciate true carnivorous grub

and dish out stories that will make the afternoon fun..

..and if everything else fails..

buy yourself a ticket..

and visit your local barbe-kyuhan..no hassle, no work on your part and yummy in its nostalgic kind of way..

**

meat lovers. unite! ;-)

what gets my goat (when eating out)

i rarely rarely complain about service. because i know, things can go wrong, and perhaps i'm just on the receiving end of a bad day.

Adrian and i love our weekly restaurant hopping, and we oftentimes get some not-so-good service, but thats fine, as long as the food was good,and the manager or waiter apologizes for the delay, everything's forgotten.

the recent pub lunch we had, just reminded me what really gets me. its when people are not apologetic about a bad service.

noted, they are only paid staff. noted,everyone has their role. noted, they are short of staff,but then the arrogance when asked why food is an hour late on your table is PURE bad service. there is only a beautiful sunshine and endless buffet of salad can keep you occupied.


after fiddling with our thumbs for what seems to a be very long time waiting for our mains, i asked the manager (who happens to be walking past me), "hi, may i ask what's taking the food long? weve been waiting for 50 minutes now". i felt sorry for her at the moment as she looked rushed (i could tell,and that throngs of new customers arrived).

she quipped in a very non-apologetic tone " were really very short of staff today and its a holiday so,were getting alot of orders and the staff cant accommodate". duh!

i said " oh im sorry to have asked you question i have every right to ask.its just weve had 2 rounds of drinks already and yet we still are waiting for our main course". { for sure, you knew it was a holiday,you should have prepared for more staff, i wanted to add,but i didnt.}

"i'll check on your orders". the manager said and went.


the food came in after about 15 minutes. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.

but it made me think, i wonder how she would react when the bill comes, and if i will take my time in paying and tell her "im sorry, we're short of money".


**

this incident just reminded me because i saw a friend on FB complained about service she paid for, which they promised but did not materialize. the internet service in question promised wireless connectivity to all rooms of her house (up til the end of her garden),when in fact,it only reaches her kitchen, and no more.

she complained to the company numerous times and yet there was no action on the false advertising.

she threatened not to pay her bills, but she got scared in the end as she didnt want to be harrassed by court orders. but felt cheated for the false promise of a service.

how sad.

consumers,like us,keep businesses,and companies alive by paying on-time and giving what is expected of us. the least these money-making establishments should consider is good customer satisfaction because really,the excuses they give, are so pathetic,that if we say the same things to them, we are liable to be sued on our asses.

its just NOT fair,is it?

{photo: beach wares sold by the beachwalk..munimuni by the sea}

no saint

forgive me my kidney

for i have sinned.

my last 'bagoong' (fish paste) was months ago.

i promise to make up with healthier food,and natural (fruit) diuretics once i get over this craving.

**

have you been naughty? or nice?

what have you done which you were not supposed to do?

care to share? (for general patronage only please,LOL).

what is?

how does sleepless and stressed look like?


symptoms:

- eating loads (carbo,protein,chocolate overload and according to some: the more alcohol content the better)

- stops brushing hair

- stops looking in the mirror and grooming is last on the agenda

- stays in pyjamas the whole day when at home

- talks to self all the time. sometimes argues with self.

- forgets the name of people in the household and calls partner as "hey' and mostly with a request attached to sentence

- word finding problems

- stops in the middle of the road,and shouts "aha!/eureka!" and jots it down on the notebook attached to their hip 24/7

- obsession over word count and methodology

- hates the word "ethnographic, empirical and phenomenological" with passion

- and has plans to retire as soon as June comes.



**

i love these textiles decorated around our study building.

i'll miss the creative vibe the uni gives at times were munching donuts and sipping double shot latte over arguments whether the study was peer reviewed or not.

i love the intellectual banter and jibes tossed around when part of our brain is worried about hand over deadlines and increase in parking tickets in our workplaces.

i will miss this.

a monologue of dichotomy

"happy sad, are you feeling good or feeling bad?" the song goes from Pizzicato 5.


i am feeling good. getting maximum scores and wonderful comments for my clinical presentation from university today. but thats the icing on the cake. the real cake was getting it from authors of books and journals i read for my research.(i didnt know miss.d is still a young fellow of research,haha, im reading her work and i imagine a gray-haired woman ). i heard a hint to apply for a summer research placement. i would love to, but i love patient care more than research. maybe in two years time,who knows.

sad. the news. the news. the news.


**

i came home feeling unwell. jolting pain on my right side. i came home, stayed online(hello FB) for a few minutes, then slept on the couch for almost an hour, and here i am blogging just before i have my dinner. how routinary life could get. i thank these routines, they feel like little pockets of security for me when i feel too tired from my day coupled with feeling unwell.

i woke up feeling refreshed and much better. sniffy, but better.

adrian placed some warm water bottle on my side to make me feel comfy. but nothing beats having a warm weight of a human being breathing beside you, stroking your hair while you fall in and out of nap, while he watches the news.

lifelines, we all need them, don't we? thank God for Adrian, my bestfriend K, and my wonderful girlfriends and my family.


wonderful monday night, i promise you, pain on my right side, aside.

underneath

fat,thin,overdone,nude,brown,white, accessorised or au naturelle,

underneath it all

we are the same..

well, give and take some broken or missing cartilages here and there.

{photo: skull of prehistoric primates, Natural History Museum}

dignity and honor

these two virtues sit side by side, yet quite elusive nowadays.

our forebears have taught us that without it,we are merely mortals barren of souls

there is no price for these qualities, in fact quite the opposite

if you sell your honor, your name is shamed

your dignity shattered

whatever it is, i want to remember all those who have gone before me

those who fought hard and died for their truths

and not treaded on someone elses

its a shame if i become a warrior with no cause

because each day, i fight to have a clean name

by respecting myself and those i'm surrounded with

its not a perfect life but on a personal level,

id rather have

my honor upheld

my dignity intact

than walk around with a

big SOUL SELL-OUT sign on my forehead.

but then again, whatever floats your boat.

**

inspired by the events in my life: there is no price to a good name,a respected character.
i will not be bribed in exchange for my dignity.

to explain further: if a colleague gets upset because they have asked you to do something against your principle, say NO..its hard, but say No and the truth:why [even if it entails them giving you the hard time at work day-in and out; the sulking the cold shoulder, the evil looks]..its hard to cover people's assess all the time, but always think, these same people will not testify for you when the time comes, you're saddled with a lawsuit for doing them (covert) favours.

{photo: taken in November 2009..during the Jewish war memorial held at Whitehall.}

my love, my downfall

the man has not been well since yesterday.he woke up last night feeling 'sick'. i made sure it wasnt a 'stroke' (heavens forbid) or a cardiac arrest (dear, no! please)..i went through some questions with him, but it seems like a stomach bug, coupled with a slight fever.


i didnt sleep just making sure, he was breathing beside me. and if i was drifting off, i would wake up, and put my head on his chest, to which disturbs his sleep (toinks, sorry, he married a paranoid woman).

tonight he slept early. probably knackered from not getting enough rest of going back and forth to the loo, and his wife waking him up with constant checks (and my snoring,haha).

so im staying downstairs, while he gets a deep sleep when he has no one in bed always fidgeting and checking his pulse. although, every hour, i make sure, i creep through the stairs and check if he is stirring to get up. so far, none yet.


i am such a worrier. (duh!)

i pray hard he feels better soon. or else, his wife will be sleepless forevermore, and bound to post endless entries of her love for the sick husband.


**

photo: Adrian is such a nerd. him reading his book, to get ready for his spring/summer plants.

do you have valentines pressies for your husbands/boyfriends?

ive discovered this site, and its got amazing tips on what to get your partners if they are 'nerdy' like Adrian.


and no, i don't think,were giving one another presents on valentines day.

**

Speaking of valentines day, i miss how the Philippines make the most of Valentines day.

In the UK, there are valentines promos, but i am too lazy to get out in the cold of the night and dress up for dinner. plus, i feel stupid for paying quadrupled prices for a simple meal that i can cook myself better.

great restaurants are even more unaffordable, if you just barely could pay for your meal on normal days.

if i were in the Philippines this valentine, my family and i would probably spend it together. nothing fancy, maybe a dinner out with everyone in tow.

Here in the UK, Adrian and i have foolishly been usurped to pay for exorbitant meals before (mostly his choice, not mine), so i thought of making the most of having a get-together with friends or a well planned dinner for myself and him at home.

As i have a university class on valentines day, i plan on preparing a 3 course meal with Adrian; candle light and great music thrown in the mix.

This is where the privacy of having your own home is a plus.

But lets see. we might get too tired from work/uni that day, there is always the handy chinese takeaway on speedial.


**

how about you? are you spending your Valentines special this year?

the snow, the shops, the burning toes.

Adrian and i braved the cold today,and went to the stores. we had to. we didn't have supplies, and we wanted to make use of time before the weekend start and we'd be mad dashing to do some shopping again.


we bought some supplies for the house today, and some medicine for me. and just by walking from the car to the shops,it felt like all my toes were burning. we hastily went in the store, took off my boots and socks. my circulation has cut off due to the cold. its such a nasty feeling. it was painful to say the least. (i was in agony the whole time).

**


im finally almost done with christmas present-buying. i just need something for my one stepson and Adrian. (i always think, that men are harder to buy for, or more expensive to buy for). so i'm still thinking about it.


so today, we felt accomplished and productive, instead of just sitting indoors waiting for snow to pile up again.


**


i am putting up my christmas tree tomorrow.


**


i got my research results, and all i could say now is: I will enjoy my christmas,yooho!!!;-)



**





{photo: my favourite christmas candle holder. mr.and mrs. santa k-i-s-s-i-n-g}

it's a weighty issue

i must admit, i am at the stage where i don't care about my weight anymore. i am feeling happy and contented with being this weight and being this size. (please don't judge,haha).

i have not been to the shops if i could help it, because i know, id be feeling inadequate again looking at clothes that wouldnt even fit one of my thighs, much more my waistline.

alot of my friends (here) are on a constant diet. when were out, i look at their size 8 frame jealously, and they look at my plate enviously. it takes sacrifice for them to be there, and it takes sheer laziness and unmotivation to be my size.

but in the middle of waiting for my blood results, i was wondering, what if, id die this weight? and my husband has to order an XL coffin? (morbid, but its extremely funny and true).


i would be lying to say, i dont want to be a few sizes smaller (not a size 8 , *cough cough* thats very unrealistic). maybe a size 14UK. but, the truth of the matter is: when youre working 9-5, and weekends are spent for doing chores and catch up, your free time is rather beautifully spent munching on brownies infront of the tv than eating salads and sweating on the stairmaster.


my friend N urged me to go dancing with her again. my friend C wanted me to join her gym which has alot of classes for working people (meaning night aerobics) (my gym has the best classes at the time when im at work).

now if only, i can buy motivation from the nearest store, id buy them by the dozen.


**

Therese H. always comes to mind whenever i want to lose weight: think babies, as motivation.

my best mate Kharla says: think of your fashion indulgence.

my sister Ana would always say: think of the food you can allow yourself to indulge in after losing the weight,hehe. (i know,she celebrates with food, like me)

my friends here would urge me: think of the activities you can do with us (not because im too obese, that i dont do it with them, im just extra careful not to go skydiving and surfing,lest id have a hypo attack,haha).

what is the point of this blogpost really? to explore what other motivation i can kick myself with.


and with that, i have to excuse my wobbly derrier for another slice of home-baked bread and salmon.

**

you know a hopeless case, if you see one.



{photo: if i could run myself, i could run London.photo taken by my cousin K, pre adjusted by me, of course. thank you Lord for autofocus settings..and cropping..somebody can take photos of me using my camera now.}