getting in the mood...

..for blogging.

Oh dear! my brain has turned to mush since i have not written for a long time. not that i am claiming to be a spectacular writer/ storyteller (dear gertrude,no!), but as the age old saying that goes, "if you dont use it, you lose it", i do believe that the more you write, the more the 'language' centre of your brain gets developed. thus,whatever little skill i had in writing along as i think, is now totally kaput.

the most practice i have with writing (daily, from monday thru friday and sometimes the occasional weekend on-call work) are SOAP notes. SOAP notes are our clinical notes/report we have to write after every patient/ clinical treatment. [To give a more specific example:  S- for subjective ( " Seen patient for upper limb rehab. Patient consented to therapy..") O- Objective ( "Patient was assessed using thera-putty and upper limb sensory work, using texture for sensory integration..so on and so forth"). A- for assessment (Patient still has minimal sensation on right upper limb on dorsolateral part of her arm...etc etc.") P-for plan (OT to continue sensory integration using textures and upper limb domestic tasks..etc etc)]. Documentation which requires strict guidelines and the use of clinical terminology that disables interpretation, as each report are stored and logged in a national database (for patient's records) and which are liable to legal scrutiny. Hence, my brain's creative lingual part is so underused that i am craving to write and stretch that part of my brain.

the last few exchanges with Aileen and Ate Lou over at facebook, made me miss multiply, our old hangout where we write stories of our days/lives and anything that we deem worthy journalling and sharing to like-minded people. there, friendships grew, talents shared, skills developed. it was an amazing part of my growth over the years, being away from my immediate family. i found friends and allies over the internet. but because multiply is no longer, and together with some coaxing from Aileen (one of my idol bloggers) and Ate Lou (who also is another admired person and blogger) for me to blog more, my soul just wanted to jump out of where i was that time (in the living room, on my phone, with the telly on), and start pounding on my Mac keyboards.

alas, i could never concentrate and hear myself think when the tv is on. i also do not like the lights on in the front room for that matter. it made me tired and uninspired. i promised myself, i need to find enough energy to be awake and set myself up to pour my thoughts onto a blog, thus, last night didn't happen. i was tired from too much moving and handling paralytic patients. tonight, i made sure, we ate dinner early enough so i could fight my jetlag without the heavy interference of food weighing on my stomach. i begged Adrian to turn off the tv and go to bed and read from his tab. he did, bless him.

now,i have this room to myself. and i write...about how i got here.

i suppose the point is: when i am not sad, or emotionally crippled, or undergoing some turmoil, i feel whatever i think of writing will always be nonsense, or basic, or irrelevant, or all of the three. when one is melancholic, the distress of whatever drama one is in is enough to yank open the door of my "writing geni", and the emotional baggage will act as doorstop to its hinges.

so when i am happy, satisfied, no dramas, no turmoil: my trick would be is to have the distractions of whatever it is around me minimised, and hidden. i need to hear myself think. to coax the story out of my psyche and buoy it with feelings.

to listen to my chest beat the crap out of my words.

blechhhh!

*

shakespeare's workplace

today, snow arrived.

... and boy, is it beautiful.

i wish i could capture the magic of snow's beauty on our village this weekend.

i pray it would still be snowing (safely) til the weekend so i could take photographs (if i wake up early enough,that is) .

***

the crossover

There was a time, many may moons ago, i was committed to be single forever, and be contented with life as a single, outgoing, financially independent career woman in-charge of her life, and to be with friends, male or female for my choosing to suit my carefree lifestyle.

Perhaps it was the heartache talking (from a traumatic betrayal), and the jadedness over how easily love and relationships need work and passion to be strongly built over time, yet broken overnight. Whatever it was, it was the focus. The conscious decision.

 I did not set out to meet Adrian. Sure, I was free, roaming the galleys of the dating world (virtual/physical), but i was not in the mood for a steady relationship. Romance,yes. Relationships, no.

Until a man who sounds and acts like that heroic, chivalric, antithesis to the bad-boy who broke your heart (and the many hopeless ones you kissed after him), arrives in your doorstep and grabs you in your waist , kneels infront of you and professes commitment and love and laughter in between, who wants to pass that up? It may not have not sounded as simple or overdramatized as that (in my experience, it wasn't and probably yours wouldn't be either), but indeed, when the chance meeting of the kindest, most charming and most intellectually stimulating person who can hold your defective attention span for far than anyone can, that was it for me. The deal-breaker as it were.

Ok, he didn't look exactly like the knight-in-shining armour in my dreams (and by far no means, i am disillusioned to think i was the replica of the pin-up poster girl on his fantasy bedroom wall,either) but if he makes you feel like you are the that girl with the perfect bouncy hair in the pantene commercial, or gave you the swagger like that lady who was chased by a group of hunky lotharios from the sexy music video you longed to star in---then maybe, this is it, the man who makes you star in your own romantic lovestory.

Fantasy feelings achieved aside, if you had a go at giving people who didn't make you feel half as important and half as beautiful as this one, what is there to lose? Your heart? I thought to myself, damn me, so be it if it breaks twice. If it did, at least the one who broke it this time around totally gave you some good self-worth due you.

But 9 years after, so far, so good. Ego intact, self-worth solid and marriage stronger. I am sure along the way, hurdles are to come, but i know many many years may pass, he'd still be that dashing lothario who i end up with, hand-in-hand, in that make-believe music video. Song title under debate, however.


*
this is a badly written entry to say, i'm glad i decided to get hitched. for i, never intended to.

getting married was a perfect present for myself, because in reality, my husband is my strength when i'm a bit undecided, my voice of reason when i am incoherent, and the meaning to why i have to be awake on dull autumn rainy cold days. he is.

and i, (without an iota of a doubt), am to him.

**

(post dedicated to those who are having their carrie bradshaw moment of "will i, or will i not?" )

short story

on monday afternoon, after work,as i was just coming out of the changing room to change from our uniform to civies, my colleague asked me why i wasn't in shorts, (everyone seemed to know what the weather is like in the morning that they seem to know when to don shorts in the afternoon or not if its raining).

she, even in her 6 months pregnancy glory has the most beautiful skinny legs and our other colleague who had nice legs herself were asking whether it wasn't warm enough for me for shorts (because i come from a hot country?). i said, "no,i just didn't think of wearing shorts because we plan to go to the town centre after work."

she said "so?".

ok, i felt it was a bit too revealing to walk from the hospital building in my shorts to the car and where i could be seen by my other colleagues, but i lied "i didn't shave my legs". and that seemed to have shut her up (because all of them shave their legs/ a national pre-requisite in summer for all short-wearing female this side of civilization).

in truth, i do not shave my legs. i do not have/get hair in my legs at all. (logical, since i do not have much hair on my head, it would have been too unfair of God to have given me hairy legs,wouldn't it?) i pluck an odd hair every now and again on the lateral side of my calf muscle, but a very fine feathery one, the most. i just dont get hairs on my legs at all. (this is a positive,right?LOL). and i suppose,most filipina women dont, unless they have a mestisa blood (i know,coz some of my cousins do).

truth number 2--- i have no shorts to wear. i do not say this in "woe me, pity party-mode", because the reason is,all my shorts are quite loose at the moment and the last thing i want to do is keep buying clothes i have no intention of keeping. (wais si lumen!). i was planning on a shopping spree when i get to my goal (i am getting there, i promise you,i will!).

case en pointe, this photo. i wore my old shorts one warm weekend to a walk in the town.

these were mid thigh high shorts last year, now, its more "puruntong" .

in this photo, this was rolled in the waist to hold it tight and i have to not suck my stomach in (in fact i had to do the opposite), just so the short stays in place (haha)..

i regret going to town with it,because it kept falling off my hips. it was a great feeling: a reminder of some changes my body has undergone, but also, an accident waiting to happen, that you dont wish to occur having your trousers/shorts on your ankles in broad daylight in the middle of the town. (ahh,these things you only think of once you're out of the house).


but then again, maybe, its high time i should start buying shorts as summer seem to have shown its face (at last!). i am not talking about those micro 'pek-pek' shorts that i see on young beautiful skinny things,no!. i am just talking about those things that are non-denim, (or maybe denim),lightweight material, cut above the knee, or mid-thigh (enough to show some definition and separation between my quadriceps,and enough to leave dignity for a woman of my age,harhar). Shorts that can be seen that: a) i am orientated to the season.. b)i did shave my legs!

***

Addendum:


Some photos of me two years ago (August 2010)..in India and Dubai.

cute!..the elephant,too! ;-) PS. the elephant is the one lying on its side. the one washing it has no relation to elephant whatsoever.

in Dubai airport in 2010 waiting for our flight back to the UK. i could still wear the top until this day (fabulously loose as it was intended,haha), but last year, i couldn't fit into those linen trousers. now, those same ones (linen trousers) are just too lose for my sense of security (haha).. i chucked those trousers to a sealed box in a garage in london at the moment as it might be more beneficial to someone from my relatives who do not mind Marks&Spencer linen trouser hand-me-downs.


**

I enjoy looking at old photos of me before.. it reminds me to keep going.

how about you? what are you trying to get motivated with?x

the country farm shop

We love our local farm shop. We get most of our meat from there and some of our veggies and fruits.

Apart from a very nice selection in their butcher's counter, they have an organic bakeshop if we wanted some cakes or unusual fresh bread.

From our house, there is a short cut to the farm shop. and across the farm shop is the gym where Adrian and i go to. We just love the proximity of everything (although we always drive to get there so far as we normally visit the farm shop to go somewhere else,too).

We were supposed to go meet oour lovely friends back in essex, but Adrian had to cover someone else's conference study day today, so we had to be at home for him to be available for his students. I thought, i might as well cook him his fave pork chop meal tonight. Just perfect for me right after going to the gym.

Thus, the need to drop by our farm shop, which is always a happiness to visit.

Remind me to take u there.

you can tell..

if a woman has not much going on in her life if all that she posts in her blog are vanity photos of herself:


and somehow thats true.

there is really not much going on.

except:

a) work --although the stuff are interesting for a read, but because of confidentiality clauses i am not allowed to write about it. and keeping the story as unindentifiable is not as interesting because the names are part of the fun.

b) adrian and chelo saga- yes, anymore on this blog is puke-inducing.

c) healthy lifestyle- thus the vanity photos. which brings back to the main gist of this blog.


here are some photos which i hope you'll excuse because this blog will be my gauge on how far i've come with losing the poundage..


the photos before the pub night:

**

and on Saturday night recently, i went to a colleague's leaving party and a birthday of one of our colleagues who also was her housemate. it was a fun night, but sadly i wasnt able to take photos in the party. i was busy making new friends and acquaintances.

so i came home at 2 am, Adrian also just came home from his night out with his buddies in the library centre. he said i looked nice, which prompted me to take photos of myself.

i was barefoot, so i grabbed the shoes nearest me:

ok, not yet ready here..

Adrian said, "you wore different shoes when u came in..wear them in the photos"..he is learning how to direct me, bless.

**

oh the vanity.

**

my healthy lifestyle is indeed keeping up because i watch these photos and it reminds me to keep going. it inspires me that the hardwork i am putting in are getting results.

happy 5th month, healthy lifestyle (feb 27). here's to more months/years of living healthy (ier) ;-)

its carnivore season

when it gets sunny in this country, you could hear the nationwide hiss of everyone's grills, cooking red meat on fire.

its indeed barbeque season now.

for the past two weeks,ive attended two barbeque do's. a sin, really to someone who spiritually (holy week) and physiologically (animal fats galore) must refrain from meat.


some pics of one of the barbeques ive attended.

a 'multicultural' barbeque (with curry)...

the newly decked back garden..

the south african "poike" (the black pot) , im not really sure how its spelled but they pronounce it as "poy-keh". my south african friends say they'll gift me with one next year (*excited!*). its very good for hob/over fire cooking..if youre cooling curry, the food comes out extra delicious.

because its a BBQ, its very informal..kesehoda the rice cooker-on-top-of-the-table ang show..

my south african friends, were influenced by yours truly, to buy a rice cooker. because whenever they come to the house, they always comment how i cook my rice perfectly. i said, thanks to 'russel hobbs' (the brand of the rice cooker). its as easy as on and off.hahaha..so they bought one. and they never looked back since. (i am quite influential in the food department within my circle..char).

skewered grilled veggies...i think i had two skewers..super tasty..

tandoori chicken (an indian style of grilling chicken)

potato salad

grilled assorted sausages,chicken and pork belly

assorted grilled veggies and fruits

(*wiping away my saliva while typing this*)

india and british treaty, hehe (my beautiful friend Kiran and her charming husband Zuki) with the gorgeous, muscleman,Adrian.

my wonderful friends: Ragi and Thilak..

a night of serious talk..{Adrian, you're still eating? what the!}

miss universe-minglanilla branch: ahem ahem...bati ang angle..but i dont have any other pics..

more chikkas about life in general

this was the part where Glen, was giving all of us a piece of beef jerky from SA, they call it "biltong"..yummy..

cutting a piece of biltong

mura mi'g last supper..ga pasa-pasa sa small pieces of biltong haha.

Glen said something serious..

..or maybe not..hahaha

the Donn's newest baby..Lily...she's so adorable..i wanted to kidnap her..

the 2nd BBQ was not photographed for some weird reason.

if you see one barbeque, you practically seen all..

**

which made me think..

maybe its time for me to take out my cute chinese lanterns and hang it out in the garden??

bring out the garden furnitures?

bring out the chef and ask him to put the grill on?

call some good old company who can appreciate true carnivorous grub

and dish out stories that will make the afternoon fun..

..and if everything else fails..

buy yourself a ticket..

and visit your local barbe-kyuhan..no hassle, no work on your part and yummy in its nostalgic kind of way..

**

meat lovers. unite! ;-)

undecisiveness

torn between two love(r)s

feeling like a fool

loving both of you

is breaking all the rules. -(from a song by Mary Macgregor)

**

there are days when a decision has to be made.

dark today. milk tomorrow.

PS. if you were here, id half it with you.

cambridge on saturday

on saturday morning, Adrian had a lecture in Cambridge. i had time on my own to scour and look around the town (again!) and have coffee with myself before we met up for lunch at 1:00.

after having coffee in pret-a-manger and reading the news, i bought books from Waterstones and took it to the public library where there was a couch where i could sit down and charge my phone ) and wait for Adrian to ring me.

lovely corners of the town..chocolate-making classes, hmmnnn..*one day*

it was a wet day in the town

magnificent edifices..old meets new

even the market was sparse due to the wet day

jamie, are you there?

lunch is marked

The Cow. cute pub name

some corners that made history

**

after meeting up with Adrian. went back to Jamie's italian and was told there was 1 hour waiting for tables. and there was a queue. practically every lunch place were packed in the whole of the town so we decided to wait and be merry in the bar.

while in the bar, i took pictures of the lights. lovely big modern ones.

mr.bartender was busy

pasta and bread was being made right before our eyes..wowzer!

we were famished by this time.

when we got to the dining area (finally when our pager's buzzed our number) we got wowed by this beautiful ornate high ceiling

the lecturer..or terminator, whichever day it is,haha.

'take a picture of me,babs'.."ok"..'its blurry,another one..no, blurry again, do another one..thats it".

'thats it,too'..you're getting better at this. 'thank you hon, i told u i was good'..'now,dont get too carried away'.LOL..

"ok, lets do another one".

lookatthat!!hammmssssyummm

the starters came..puglia iced olives and music bread with sundried tomato and black olive tapenade (adrian's order)

herby marinated whitebait..

and we had the season's specials:

rocket and radicchio salad (with shaved parmesan,yayy!)...for sides

they called this Posh Chips in the menu..just ordinary chips with insanely good truffle oil and shaved parmesan;-) im craving for a plateful at this moment

Adrian's homemade parpadelle pasta with lamb ragu..

Adrian talked about his lecture...i blanked out because it was all tutor jargons,haha.

And my very nice fish mains. fried fillet of pollock on cracked wheat with fennel..(Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall are into this fish fight, a campaign to introduce more fish into the EU thank just salmon and to avoid fish wastage)..this was fresh and i just was missing my rice this time,haha.

a look at the very beautifully distracting ham

**

Cambridge..i'm sure im coming back to you again..until then.