sometimes...

..all i want to do is lazily lounge and enjoy lolling about in the park.

if you are able to, enjoy it for me. 

the weather last week was park weather, but this week, it started to get mild wintery again.
i am not complaining. this feeling of cool mild wind is something i actually love (as long as it doesn't get to freezing temperatures!). plus, my job allows me to enjoy being outdoors and indoors whenever i like, so, in a weather like this,its an added bonus.

this photo was taken last spring-summer (2013) when we enjoyed the Holkham Hall parkland. (note to self: blog about the hall,and the photos)

it was a lovely day and i learned a lot that day regarding some royal lineage living in Norfolk. but thats another blog altogether.

see you on the next entry.

selfie

this photo was taken on my birthday last year.
nothing special except it was a celebration spent with my most favourite companion.

we stayed at a great hotel and what was even nicer was that we were give an upgrade (juniour suite!).
what was running through my head at that time was "let me take a photo of me, from this beautiful enormous bathroom".
this blog entry has no sense. i just wanted to break the blog drought.


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the weekend that past was just perfect. we watched the Gabrielle concert (free invites!), and enjoyed it with our friends.

**
today, i received such sad news and disturbing news.
and on top of that, everything just went wrong with my day.

**

oh well, tomorrow is another day to conquer.
i hope i am armed enough to brave it.


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i bless your evening/day, you, who drop by my small spot in space.

love,

R
x

getting in the mood...

..for blogging.

Oh dear! my brain has turned to mush since i have not written for a long time. not that i am claiming to be a spectacular writer/ storyteller (dear gertrude,no!), but as the age old saying that goes, "if you dont use it, you lose it", i do believe that the more you write, the more the 'language' centre of your brain gets developed. thus,whatever little skill i had in writing along as i think, is now totally kaput.

the most practice i have with writing (daily, from monday thru friday and sometimes the occasional weekend on-call work) are SOAP notes. SOAP notes are our clinical notes/report we have to write after every patient/ clinical treatment. [To give a more specific example:  S- for subjective ( " Seen patient for upper limb rehab. Patient consented to therapy..") O- Objective ( "Patient was assessed using thera-putty and upper limb sensory work, using texture for sensory integration..so on and so forth"). A- for assessment (Patient still has minimal sensation on right upper limb on dorsolateral part of her arm...etc etc.") P-for plan (OT to continue sensory integration using textures and upper limb domestic tasks..etc etc)]. Documentation which requires strict guidelines and the use of clinical terminology that disables interpretation, as each report are stored and logged in a national database (for patient's records) and which are liable to legal scrutiny. Hence, my brain's creative lingual part is so underused that i am craving to write and stretch that part of my brain.

the last few exchanges with Aileen and Ate Lou over at facebook, made me miss multiply, our old hangout where we write stories of our days/lives and anything that we deem worthy journalling and sharing to like-minded people. there, friendships grew, talents shared, skills developed. it was an amazing part of my growth over the years, being away from my immediate family. i found friends and allies over the internet. but because multiply is no longer, and together with some coaxing from Aileen (one of my idol bloggers) and Ate Lou (who also is another admired person and blogger) for me to blog more, my soul just wanted to jump out of where i was that time (in the living room, on my phone, with the telly on), and start pounding on my Mac keyboards.

alas, i could never concentrate and hear myself think when the tv is on. i also do not like the lights on in the front room for that matter. it made me tired and uninspired. i promised myself, i need to find enough energy to be awake and set myself up to pour my thoughts onto a blog, thus, last night didn't happen. i was tired from too much moving and handling paralytic patients. tonight, i made sure, we ate dinner early enough so i could fight my jetlag without the heavy interference of food weighing on my stomach. i begged Adrian to turn off the tv and go to bed and read from his tab. he did, bless him.

now,i have this room to myself. and i write...about how i got here.

i suppose the point is: when i am not sad, or emotionally crippled, or undergoing some turmoil, i feel whatever i think of writing will always be nonsense, or basic, or irrelevant, or all of the three. when one is melancholic, the distress of whatever drama one is in is enough to yank open the door of my "writing geni", and the emotional baggage will act as doorstop to its hinges.

so when i am happy, satisfied, no dramas, no turmoil: my trick would be is to have the distractions of whatever it is around me minimised, and hidden. i need to hear myself think. to coax the story out of my psyche and buoy it with feelings.

to listen to my chest beat the crap out of my words.

blechhhh!

*

shakespeare's workplace

hello, stranger.

lately, i have been drawing inspiration from others. from the most profilic of bloggers amongst my friends and some popular ones who do not know me from adam.

but nothing has kicked me to get off my bottom to write and update this neglected space. because everytime i draw inspiration, i erase back what i have written because it did not feel right. 

i read my blog, and heard myself again. somehow, i was inspired to write again. (albeit a short one like this)

maybe, i have not listened to my own thoughts for so long that i have forgotten how i sound like anymore. and when i recognized myself from my blogs, and laughed at my own mistakes, and my unperfect grammar, and chaotic writing, i relished the person that i recognised. i actually miss her.

im glad to be able to inspire me this time.

here's to trying to live in here again.

i ate a lot of humble pie...and got sick

i ate a lot of humble pie the last few days for a booboo that i did (work related).

sometimes, my brand of stupidity amazes me. i cannot believe that i can be known as this organized and be anal in one extreme, and be such a klutz at a totally important thing. (nope, not patient related, thank goodness, just some paperwork i have not ticked off the to-do list-- but quite an important one).

lesson learned. never rely important matters to people especially reminders. at the end of the day, they wash their hands of their responsibility while, i, mrs. honest-at-everything-im-so-square, ends up the poster girl for being the lesson to learn from.



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i have been really hard on myself.  a lot of people have told me that i whip myself endless for something really trivial and could happen to anyone and has happened before numerous times, and may happen again to other people.

i tell them, yes, but its them. not me. 'work' is something i take pride in, and i take great amounts of concentration and passion on. having to learn that i, too,  could do something annoying like this, disappoints me no end.

i have yet to 'talk' and befriend myself once again.



**

also, i reflect on my errors. unlike maybe some other people, who do not reflect as much, may end up doing it again. i, for a fact, tend to learn quite hard. even to the detriment of myself.


**

therefore, i am human, after all. no matter the accolade, the compliments, the plaudits i accomplish at work, i still get "earth-to-chelo" moments like this.

but i hope this will be the last.


**

the good news is: i still have a job, and bosses and colleagues who now joke endless about me being as dysfunctional as they are, and that they are welcoming me open arms.

there is a positive to this, after all.


**

bring on, next month, please!


NOTE: and because i was so distracted on this annoyance.. i was chopping carrots furiously the other night, i almost included my finger in the curry. i sliced a top off my left index finger. i tell you, this little bugger of a wound is nothing but a mere millimetre or so, but it hurts like a freck. The nail is sliced on the middle (that cheap knife was amazing! its so sharp!) and today, when i accidentally hit the finger on the dashboard (as you do, forgetting that you have a sore finger), it clicked the nail and dug into the wound and i cant unclick the nail back (i have short nails), so basically, it's dug and lodged itself into the already sore wound. i tell you, when it rains where i am, it doesnt only flood, it gets me effin tsunami. 

well, i hope whoever you are, friend or family or curious bypasser reading this, keep the smile, because you dont have my troubles.. and yes, i am smiling too, despite. because i have a family that loves me (booboos and all), and a whole bunch of friends who genuinely care.