hello, stranger.

lately, i have been drawing inspiration from others. from the most profilic of bloggers amongst my friends and some popular ones who do not know me from adam.

but nothing has kicked me to get off my bottom to write and update this neglected space. because everytime i draw inspiration, i erase back what i have written because it did not feel right. 

i read my blog, and heard myself again. somehow, i was inspired to write again. (albeit a short one like this)

maybe, i have not listened to my own thoughts for so long that i have forgotten how i sound like anymore. and when i recognized myself from my blogs, and laughed at my own mistakes, and my unperfect grammar, and chaotic writing, i relished the person that i recognised. i actually miss her.

im glad to be able to inspire me this time.

here's to trying to live in here again.

junction

i am at a junction, i said to myself (hands on my hair, almost pulling the remaining wisps on my crown ~~drama queen that i am).

everyday there are spanner thrown in the works. yesterday: it was a sad event, the other day~ a happy one, the day before that~ my mood, today~my health, blimey, the cycle goes on.

cryptic i may sound, but i think i just needed to say these mind puzzles aloud. it goes along the line of trial retirement and business plans in the beautiful island of cebu, but the scared and risk-averse person that i am, i keep bouncing off one plan to the next because in truth i am scared, like the wimp that i am.

personal history told me that i am not good without a plan B, a control of some sort for my neuroses.

i just have that need to know. but on the other hand,a  personal experience remind me that no matter what plans A,B,C or Z are in place, God sometimes surprises us with an alternative alphabet. an Omega or Gamma perhaps.

i cant give away the plans here, but dearest readers, all thousands of you (*sarcasm*) trust that it involves retirement and travelling. its a 2015 plan (you shout "geez,thats years far from now", i know!) but, plans like that revolve and involve decisions and manoeuvring years beforehand. that, or its the mrs. obssesive planner in me who's talking.

last night, the early hours decision was forego retirement, just concentrate on travelling instead of a business plan of shelling money and have the risk of not even be successful at it. see the world before Adrian becomes too mature (read: old ,hehe) from all the early and late airport travels but who am i kidding. I know myself, i am worst as an old bat plagued with mental anguish when i do not have work ritual to go to.

old habits die hard, so you cant blame someone who worked at the age of 17 years (helping the family financially), and suddenly decide to forego any semblance of work will be tragic for my mental wellbeing.

ergo, in conclusion, i am back to square one. not knowing which column of the excel spreadsheet we are following, and have not yet zeroed in on the bullseye.

there are reasons why plans are written in pencil. we're keeping the rubber handy.

{photo: Walsingham town. the Lourdes of England,where an apparition of theVirgin Mary were noted in history }

relocating

i tiptoed around the subject. i mulled on the thought. i fannied and tossed and moped about the prospect.

the inevitable has come.

Adrian and I are relocating to a very picturesque county called Norfolk.

and i am really scared, excited, and happy and sad about the thought.

why the mixed emotions, you ask? anyone who has moved a gazillion times in their past life and just wants to be rooted to 'home' would understand the fear and sadness.

anyone who loves the prospect of a challenge and adventure feels the excitement in my shoes.


**

i dont know. i am a bag of nerves. but who am i to say NO to a fantastic job offer? (and a possibility of being in the countryside and fields, and starting afresh would not give this offer a chance?)

plus, beggars cannot be wussies.. the talks of second recession coming to europe (the world) and being someone who has a prediliction to overhoarding cosmetics,shoes and camera lenses + a bottomless gut for japanese sashimi has no right to say NO to job offers immediately right after getting my degree?

i am scared, but i think, i'm going for it anyway. you would be next to know what'll happen around the corner.

wish me luck.

muni-muni

photo: some unnoticed corner of piccadilly

***

my sister, for her final school project, asked me questions why i blog.

simple. to make new friends, to maintain old friends, widen my circle and keep in contact with people. (i must say,it has given me that). blogging is a free and an easy tool to do such. and not to take this opportunity is just plain lazy for someone who loves making friends and lives far away from love ones.

alot of us have different reasons for blogging. some may want it for business (to earn money, hey, i would love that too, but that requires dedication and time which i do not have), and for documenting times of our lives..basically,its an extension of ourselves (not wholly or purposely,but incidentally). some blogs can get thematic and may concentrate on certain areas of the arts, politics or some just purely opinion essays. these are my free magazines. i love de stressing from my day by reading my favourite blogs.

but what i do not get are blogs that really are there to just pounce on people/other human beings. like constantly.

well,an occasional rant or two,maybe three, is a requirement, its our journal after all. plus,any normal human being is allowed to feel upset and angry, of course (but for justifiable courses, something went wrong,someone upset them, someone wronged them, yes, by all means, let it out, its our right). but there are blogs,whose main purpose is to attack, criticize and just pure mean. they may have an occasional/rare flare-ups of niceness, but they still could not help make a dig at the bottom of their entries (which negates the nice entry,haha). its not even against politicians or actors, who i think have some vulnerability to these attacks from all kinds of opinion-makers from journalists to bloggers to the local kanto lasenggero. its against people who they see from day-to-day basis, maybe even their friends, or anyone that comes across their peripheral vision.

the weird thing is, alot of people seem to love such blogs too..

im sure alot of people agree with me when i say its hard to cultivate good working partnerships in environments that reek of (unprovoked) negativity and just being mean, for the sake of it.

you can be mean, as a knee-jerk reaction to someone have done something against you (hopefully not imagined) , yes. but to be mean for the sake of it? i just don't get it. (well,i do if i base it on my psychology background, but lets not go there).

but i'm sure i'm not the only one. there are people who stay away from such forums and platforms.



at the end of the day, we don't have to be nice. no one asks us to. blogging would be so unnormal if eveything is just nice and happy and great,right? i suppose,the best thing is, to just be how you feel when journalling in blogs.

but if someone has a perpetual pre-menstrual syndrome or daily hang-over, then its not a blog they need, its therapy.

**

NB: this is just a thought...an opinion of one lowly blogger.;-)

NB: and..i do not have friends, who do such blogs,thank goodness.