i am in love with this woman

..because she says so much truth we wish we said ourselves.

"SKINS" Open Mic: Kim Selling from Champ Ensminger on Vimeo.

‘fat bottomed girls’.

“if every bastard who had ever judged my body

were lined up in front of me

firing squad-style

and i was given the right

to do with them as i pleased,

i would be at a loss.

i would probably yell

—eat me!—

because i love a good fat girl pun,

but there’s nothing else left inside

to make them understand

the extreme ignorance and misspent pain they embody.

you can all just fucking EAT ME.

devour my scarlet throbbing flesh

like junior high vultures

like sorority pledge councils

like debutante beauty queens

i don’t look like you

what the fuck else is new?

there is no footnote

in the regulations index of my life

that tells me i have to sleep on ellipticals

and suck down the hopeful semen

of boys named jimmy

until you understand my body.

you won’t ever understand my body.

i am miss piggy, i am mama cass, i am fucking aretha.

and i love being these women.

i love being fat.

my thighs shriek rough and ready sex

like downtown thunder

my ass drips vanilla milkshakes

and my personal style is baby gay madonna

meets crop top goth

AND IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER.

being fat doesn’t make me different,

—fuck, i look like america—

but loving that i’m fat

makes me a pillsbury rebellion.

i hold protests in my mouth

when i eat in public

picket signs wallpaper my willing body

when i dance naked in my apartment.

RIOTS NOT DIETS is tattooed across my chest

and i live for the moment

when i shock you into silence.

because being me is political

and you never voted for this shit.

body image is just bad english for

how hard you stomp the sidewalk

or how many cracks in the mirror

you’ve traced.

i may have been picked last in softball,

but i was nationally ranked in tennis,

and you’ll never be ready for this jelly

because all you nibble on

are sad-ass spoonfuls of

organic low sodium peanut butter.

yeah, i tend to date black guys

and i rarely say no to a homemade baked good

but that says no more about me than —

how you chew big red compulsively when you’re nervous, or

how you can never say no to your mother —

says about you.

so just let it be.

we’re grown-ups now, i think.

there are no more lunch time kickball teams,

and i already have a date to the next dance.

so when you feel the need

to pretend to be concerned

about my health or well-being

just know that i’ve already let go of the trigger

firing squad-style

just know that you don’t have

to count the calories

when i tell you

to fucking eat me.”

here is her tumbler page;-)

http://theavantguard.tumblr.com/post/3978858372/this-is-a-video-of-me-from-a-couple-weeks-ago

fighting for all the big ladies out there!

Ana has long told me about her hatred for bullying. She has been a victim of it all her life, so was i, and some of our friends were.

Ana and i were bullied for our weight (obviously), but some our friends for something else. Although some of our friends would suffer through it, but because of Ana's and my history of having transferred some different schools all throughout our lives, we endured some sort of taunts because of our 'ample-ness',hehe. But once the people knew there were more to us than added adipose, the bullying would stop. But that doesnt stop one from feeling self-conscious right? (kahit baboy, may feelings rin, huhuhu)

So she gathered two of her 'sexy' friends to sing a song or do a dance number just to prove a point. The two were reluctant as you could guess, but they got convinced by Ana in the end.

SO Ana ditched being an Emcee this year for her school's family day, to join a presentation.

Her and her group wanted to just do an intermission number, but they had no choice but to join a contest. This was the only way Ana and her "sexy" friends would get their message across.


She didnt want me to share this video but what the hell, its only her "ate's" come by this blog of mine, so it doesnt matter.


Warning: Ana said the 'yabag" /off-key parts were because she and the girls were having cough and colds for having had not enough sleep the last few days. And they couldnt hear their voices and the backing track anymore...

Whatever, its the message that counts, right?

I'm proud of my sister. She got the message across that yes, they are survivors of bullying and discrimination and criticism growing up, but at the end of the day, they are surviving and having fun.


It holds true, doesnt it? that when we're bullied and not being accepted for who we are, or have been victims of malicious criticism (as opposed to constructive one), we just have to get over it, and be strong o who we are.

embrace your junk in the trunk, girls!

Untitled from chelo aviso-stevart on Vimeo.

PS. this is in no way advocating being overweight nor not exercising (you can see the effects of NO exercise to these girls, at the middle of the song, they could hardly catch their breath,hahaha..my sister told me,she regretted having had no cardio for a long time,hahaha), but merely to grin and get over bullying, and be strong of who u are, even if you are the different mold.

Go sister(s)!

*

PS. i love that my sister does not take herself so seriously and she knows how to laugh at herself..

she knows that this video will get ALOT of laughs from myself and Adrian. i hope you get to laugh at it too from an 'Ate's' point of view.

i love you,all!

the christmas we shared..(4th year)

Christmas Fairies Giftgiving (24th of December 2010).

Dearest Therese, Lynette, Aileen and Jane (and the rest of the supergirls who always supported and cheered this on, and wanted to help but just wasn't able to)..


I have had an epiphany this year, that on giftgiving, i will not be putting up photos of it for personal reasons.

i have been putting the last photos (in multiply) the last few years' but to contacts only, those who know me or on my (blogspot) blog which only a few people know.

i have no intention of putting it up, because ever since the experience from last year of witnessing the event myself, it was such a sacred experience, that i feel it should be kept sacred and private to only those who do care for it. the privilege of showing it will only be to those who care enough to ask, or who are supporters like you and those who were part of it (like my family and yours)..you are welcome to download the photos and do as you like with them and share them to your love ones you deem part of it, you have all the right to do so.

i have loved this cause, as it was a baby i conceived (and as you know, i haven't conceived any in my lifetime,haha), and you guys have supported all the way through and loved too, which i am so thankful for..i know this doesn't mean much to alot, but they cannot account for nor comprehend the people's faces when we were there last year and saw it for ourselves. [*it was touching to say that the old man who received his christmas food and walking all the way down to the bottom of the hill, carrying in one hand his loot,and a big chunk of a tree that has fallen down by the street, on his other shoulder. I was too emotional, my reflexes were too slow to grab for my camera and take a picture.}

To say the least, these photos were taken because of you who supported it and were not there to witness it.

One day, we will all be there. We will all be blessed to see the magic that happens when we share what little we have. That day, there will be no need for cameras because the pictures are for you out there who have supported this and cannot see the fruit of your labor.

One day we will all be there. Personally handing out our hearts to these families, to these children,and there are no cameras needed, and the memories etched in our brains are the best snapshots, which are framed forever until our last breaths.

You guys are one of the kindest, most generous people i love..I am awed to be friends with you..

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


***

See the faces of the kids you made happy. The pictures, dont do justice to what you hear, the emotions you feel when handing it out..


**


PS. i thank my family: Mama, Auntie Inday and Kharla for doing the hardwork for the days prior to this event and on the day..I thank my cousin Tony for her photos.


***

PS. the goodies that you sent had to be divided for around almost 150 kids

praying that next year, we can still do our little christmas get-together with these families and kids..

the scrumptious chocolates that heaven sent..karla and mama preparing the snacks

the christmas packs for the families..and the snacks for the participants

volunteers and helpers packing the chocs and goodies you sent..a little kid who benefitted from it

look at their eager faces

you know,we are getting more and more families and children participating each year..one mother said "sus, diri ra mi makatilaw ug pinaskuhan ug pahalipay". it shames me that i get so much expensive gifts every year and them who have so little get hardly anything.

the look at these children's faces just blow me away each time..

all ages..young and old could could partake in a little bit of something.

the brothers, the nuns and the priests at St.John, they are so thankful that we could do this.

but it is I, that feel thankful to them that they allow us to do so..its nothing.

for me giving up one christmas party and a christmas gift for myself to be able to do this is nothing, compared to the equal lasting happiness to make (at least, but there were more than) 50 families experience a little joy is more lasting than opening another bottle of perfume or jewelry from Adrian.

we give because we want to say we care..we give thanks that we can do so..

God is great.. He gave me my family to be my hands to do this even me without being there..

Until next year..

**

Facts about The Christmas Fairies:

The aim of the Christmas Fairies is to extend happiness during the christmas season. To give more smiles and less hunger on christmas day.

There are groups who are into more sustainable causes (like education and livelihood) which are such wonderful causes which the fairies are wanting to pursue, unfortunately, due to the lack of manpower and the geographical distances of the fairies from one another, it is not feasible at the moment.

This is a non-profit, non compulsory,and no-commitment-asked organisation.

We value time and volunteering in packing,and distribution which the fairies need more than ever.

For donations, only in-kind donations are accepted (and time), no cash accepted.

**

See you there next christmas:-)

St.johns-the christmas fairies giftgiving..and thereafter

and now, i pause for a (big) break..


Adrian has momentarily stuck his face infront of the tv to watch millions of pounds-earning English players get hammered by poorly paid Algerian contemporaries (as of writing this anyway). So i have allowed myself to sit with him, while i let my brain concoct a blog entry.

So far, nothings going on in my life. Nothing exciting, except countless hours spent on arguing with myself, whether the statement i just added to my assignment is making sense to the teacher who will be marking my work. In plain words: i have been very boring and just plain robotic.

So what blog entry? ok, i forgot, i still owe my fairy friends some pictures from last years Gift Giving event at St.Johns. So this is the blog entry of choice.


I apologize my friends. I owe you alot for a late upload.


Here are the photos;-)

[this is a photo dump,but knowing me by know,you know i always do photodumping for events]

this was after the mass offered for the Supergirls (yes, thats you!) in thanksgiving, and for all those who sponsored the event, like some of my cousins and aunties and my Mama (who lovingly did all the organising of the packing since we were delayed in arriving in cebu).




preparing the food my mom slaved away for the morning..

we had helpers too..my cousins (who gave rosary beads)




my auntie inday dishing out the food..there were more people than the allocated 100 we thought of, but He provides. 'naigo ra ang food', and there were leftovers which was given away to them too.

Adrian feeling happy with what was going on..





everyone had to be in an orderly queue..thats the only way to do feeding almost 200 people.

cousin Karla helping out to hasten the queueing

sister Ana, lost her cellphone that day in the premises of the church, a brand new phone at that..whoever took it needed it so much.

sorting out the kiddies giveaways..this was provided by fairies: Ayen, Therese,Lynette, Fil and Jane..thank you so much for that..Jane also did the shopping and Therese's trusted manong Esyot delivered it to Mama's house that day..

the programme prepared by the sitio's who participated

they were very thoughtful in their organisation.. if you were there, you would see how touched they were by all the generosity provided them. one of the Moms said, it was the highlight of their christmas..at their age, they could not afford to be attending christmas parties , butthis chirstmas party they felt, they were not only fed, but their children were also given something to take home. i felt so blessed hearing that.

Programme proper..they were christmas carolling..

each sitios have their star choir..and they were sort of competing who gets the best applause. they were all very good..the second photo shows Adrian ready to give his goodies away..

getting ready for the gift giving..Adrian and Karla facilitating the gifts..of canned goods, noodles, and 2 kilos of rice per family..no one gets hungry for christmas..

at the thick of the programme..

it was getting chaotic by this time..all the kids were asking for more..

***

After the event, we were famished:

It was scorching hot in Banawa,Cebu for the giftgiving, so we celebrated for a snack at one of my long longed-for and craved-for-at-the-most inconvenient-of times ,Shakeys.


here are some canon digicam photos:





we were famished but our heart were full..we had energy for whats to come

Adrian with my aunties who helped big time..second photo: Adrian and i, goofing around..

thats Cloyd, my nephew hamming up for the cam..and that last photo i inserted with the lady who helped us organise the day (i forgot her name) but she was the most generous woman there...

story about that lady: her son was in intensive care unit that day, but she was there to offer her time..doesnt that put us all to shame?..

***

Because we weren't able to shop for our toiletries and day-to-day basic needs the day before due to our delayed flight, we decided to stock up and went to Ayala to catch up on our grocery shopping.

and after that, a dinner at Tinder Box on the way back




we look cream crackered..it was a long day.





this was the dessert i had..ahhh, whats not to miss.

it was indeed a frantic, full day..but we all feel blessed to be have been part of something special like that.

im also praying that we will be given another chance to do it this year..

My dream seminar

Supergirls..all of us..

i love my friends...life is always better when there's you around..

ps..some supergirls are not in the photos..i dont have photos of the others in the US and NZ (lynette, ayen,chichi,fil,normita,etc.)

Ps: some supergirls are not facilitating due to lack of time..but you are definitely joining..the better to just enjoy the moment..=)

i.e...Ate Lou, Tita Wi, Maris, Liza and Jopie..and everyone i havent mentioned..x

***

As most friends know, i am the consummate student. I attend classes, left right and centre, even in the middle of working fulltime, a university degree and a time-consuming hobby=)

Blame it on not having a child and having a husband who believes that 'learning' is a lifelong commitment. The moment he sees me googling classes on the internet, he jumps on the bandwagon and agrees that "that sounds just like you, go for it". Because he is the same. He lectures in a university and teaches in an exclusive 'posh' school because he is tired with slackers wo cant be bothered because their education is free,haha (apart from doing mini courses in Cambridge once in a while). (and yes, this explains the Masters Degree forms i need to fill up by early next year. Again, i blame it on my University dean who sent it out to some of us, my husband found it and somehow is making me lean towards doing it..I so am a masochist!).

So attending seminars/lectures are not new to me, nor will i think i'd ever stop doing it.

I have attended structured seminars and i love them. Even online ones ,i get so much out of it (gosh the friendships and contacts i get from them alone).

So in my head, i have this structured seminar forming in my head. Its not an impossible dream(because i know if people commit to it, it will happen), but it is a dream because the people involved in this are too far away from one another.

This seminar will involve people I know could benefit and would enjoy this day. It will be girl-bonding at the same time and learning something in the process.

Hear me out:

What: The Supergirl Seminar (Maximising Your Supergirl Powers)

Where: In a Beach cottage/or mountain cottage (with seminar room) somewhere in Cebu (where most supergirls are)

Length: 3days 2 night seminar (i wanted it to be a whole week but it wont be feasible for moms, as this seminar will be without our families and entourage).

what to bring: bathing suits/camera/make up kit/writing materials/pyjama and one party dress

***

Programme:

Friday :(Date to be finalised)

6:00 AM -travel to destination

9:00 Am- arrival, and start of seminar (registration,LOl, badges with supergirl names will be given)

9:30 AM- Introduction and welcome speech

-Okay, i will be the one to give the speech because i organised ( and probably sponsor) this (bloody) thing,haha)

9:45 Am- 10:00- snacks : cakes and coffee

---- Lecture Proper---

10:00-12:00 - "Supergirl, who are you?" --a lecture and insight into your supergirl powers

(this is with games/writing and sharing/introductions)

-To be done by..(still thinking about it)--any volunteers?

12:00-1:30-- Buffet Lunch (catered by Kusina Habana)

1:30-3:30 - "Photographs by A Supergirl" --

(basic photography class/learning your camera settings) --and finding your photographic style ( facilitated by Aileen Siroy)

(note: bring your cameras: whether digicam or SlR's all have

settings)

3:30-4:00- snacks/merienda

4:00-6:00 - "The supergirl writes" -Creative writing to be lectured and facilitated by Chin Kong

-writing from a supergirl perspective -

(bring your notes and pencils/interactive exercise on writing/blogging)

6:00-8:00 - free time (enjoy the beach/pool..if in a mountain lodge, nature walking?)..or better yet, practise what you just learnt

8:00- 10:00pm- Welcome dinner buffet and mingling with everyone (any sponsors please?)

10:00-12:00nn-- Parrtyyy

*****

Next day: (Saturday)

6:00AM- mini breakfast (bread and soup/cereals/oatmeals/coffee)

7:00 AM: Supergirl YOGA -- speaking to the Supergirl inside you

(yoga talk/benefits of yoga, and demonstration and facilitation by Mai Pages- Solomon)

9:00-9:30 am -snack (proper breakfast)

10:00-11:00 -free time.. (shower and getting ready for lunch and afternoon lectures)

11:00-12:30 - sit down Lunch - at resort restaurant to allow chatting and discussion

12:30- 2:30-- "Make-up session (Bringing out your Supergirl sparkle)" --

(Basic make up tutorial/coverage/day/night make up).. By Therese H.and Kaith C.

(Note: bring your make up tools ladies )

2:30-3:00-- snacks

3:30- 5:30-- Self-portraiture/ Photographing The Supergirl (lectured and facilitated by Maimai S. and Aileen S.)

In Lectures will share their self portrait tips and how they do it, and what makes self photography a basic Supergirl power (LOL)..plus taking self portraiture exercises

4:30-6:00-- "Karma Sutra Supergirls: unleashing your powers in the bedroom"

Lectures by Patricia V. and Filipinas SJ.

(interactive lecture about what makes a supergirl's man tick in the bedroom, helpful tips and activities to a have a productive Supergirl bedroom)

(note: PG 18--hehe)

6:00-7:30--- free time (changing into pyjamas)

7:30-9:00--Dinner /Pyjama Party (Dinner sponsored by..??)

9:00-10:30-- .Printing out of photos we took and sharing of Supergirl powers.

13:00-12:00 Partyyy

****

Sunday (Last day)

7:00--Breakfast

7:00-9:30 -Packing

9:30-11:300- "Music Appreciation?Translating music into passion"

(facilitated by Jane G. and Filipinas SJ: listening to different music genres and writing/blogging about it..and finding the Supergirl music)

10:00-11:00- Sharing and forum

11:00-12:00 --Graduation/Handing out of certificates and badges

*****

12:00-1:30--Lunch

1:30pm--Head home

**

Note: No one will be driving so no one can come in late and no one can come out of the group in the middle of the sessions and go home. You are either there or not. You are giving yourself a chance to focus and enjoy without any of the usual day-to-day distractions.

To join the seminar, you would have to be committed to the sessions or the seminar will not be a success.

We would have to hire a coach/bus which will take us there and drop us off our respective houses.

We would also have to make sure that its only 10-12 people per seminar to keep within the time frame.

The first year may be just the Supergirls attending because most of it is sponsored , but the next year will be attended by "the public" for a fee on a first reserved,first attend basis so that we could afford to pay the facilitators and the place/materials/etc...we could not afford to sacrifice the quality of the classes by too many people too.

And the power of the internet will make this seminar popular, because everyone would have to blog about it, eh? =)

***

Hopefully, this experience will give us an opportunity to bond (even more), learn more from one another (coz come on, lets face it, as much as we read one another's blog, we still don't know one another that much).

In the case of a public attendee outside the supergirls joining it: it will be a way of meeting like-minded people.

Apart from the above, it will be a way to learn new skills or polish old ones: i.e. photography, writing, journalling, blogging, self actualization, fitness, make up, music and so much more.

This is also a journey to self as the programme will allow, "self" moments and coming back and sharing what you found out by going out (in time) with yourself..

But of course the above are just the Aims and Objectives of this seminar..It is very much structured because if not, we will just waste an expensive weekend away from love ones, without gaining anything from it. We could not afford that as time is precious..Specially time away from love ones.

***

PS: and yes, the programme needs tweaking. i would have wanted to do the following:

a two hour culinary session with Therese Habana as lecturer (the Supercook/and Domestic Supergirl)/

a two hour networking and business facilitation and session with Mimi (the Supergirl networks)/

a book appreciation class with Ayen (Supergirl books and stories)

voice and singing session with Janey (singing acapella/finding your supergirl voice)

A new mom's voice, a Supergirl perspective by Normita (First time Supermoms)

Handwriting and snail mail session with Lynette--maybe posting letters to our superselves/

and painting and sketching session with Patricia and Filipinas (Supergirl art)

Starting Anew--A Supergirls life abroad by Chichi

Fashion with Chin and Kaith (WhatThe Supergirl wears)...

but gosh, i think we need a long vacation for that..LOL

We can rotate the sessions as the current above sessions for the programme were chosen because i thought that theyre what we need and relate mostly to blogging which writing/photography/writing about music/sex-life (duh!)/and fitness (healthy mind and body), were very important as part of the taster sessions..

Maybe in the second year, we could add a Supergirl Seminar part 2 ( which incorporates the other sessions not on the above list), --attended only by those who have done the first seminar..

(whoaaa! lemme stop here).

**

Its free to dream.

And boy do I dream big! =)